epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Sextuplets + Eli + Occupation 👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿

Sextuplets (2019)

A father to be, Alan, goes looking for his birth mother. This was about as convincing as the Will/Cristiano abuse plotline on 'Fair City'. A fat nerd in a tracksuit turns out to be Alan's brother. There is a sour balls joke. Alan learns their mother had sextuplets.

The world is not laughing at this. Alan's quest is not a transformative personal act. Viewers are not entirely united in admiration. A sister turns out to be a prison inmate. Another brother shows up. There is sexism and a criminal brother and a sick brother who wants a kidney. There is slapstick, Alan being sad and the mother shows up and the crazy brother is crazy. What is 'The Rockford Files'? This was okay and stars Marlon Wayans and Molly Shannon.

Best Lines:

“That man don't like me. He stopped liking you after you started liking me.”

“Like a Tyler Perry movie.”

“Who watches 'Mork & Mindy' still?

“More of you?”

“Warning whistle mother gave me.”

“Stranger danger.”

“Baby P is his legal name.”

“You don't know these people.”

“Really helps with night swears.”

“She forced me to eat avocado. The hussy!”

“How about we don't?!?”

“I don't know you.”

“Violent murder.”


“You left me in the trash.”

“I'll slap your white face.”

“Republician money.”

“Like 'Dukes Of Hazzard' without the racist car”

“Get my belt or worse my shotgun!”

“You ain't got no damn friends!”

“Not to make it weird.”


“Smelling what I'm farting.”

“I like me some truckers.”

“Looking all judgemental.”

“If he rich, I want to be in that will.”

“Turn that anger down!”

“You ain't gone yet?!?”

“Dead people don't cry.”

“Like a 1970s pimp.”

“Dehydrated smurf.”

“Sniffed way too much laptop cleaner.”

“White credit.”

“Tenant ID.”

“I like jail!”

Eli (2019)

A sick kid and his weird parents to to a creepy old house. There is an odd decontamination chamber and no foundational logic. Eli has a failing immune system and has cold medical care. There are recriminations, a blame game that ratchets up and a creepy girl. Psycho dad shrugs off weird events and the parents have a warmth problem. This movie leaves you absolutely indifferent. This was excruciatingly dull and exhausting.

Eli's convulsed by crisis. His mother treats him like a toddler. Eli screams and people want him to do what he is told, when he is told. No complaints are tolerated. Eli's subjected to cruel abuses. The mother has a perpetually vacant gaze.

Lies come out. What did the mother do? People brim with malice and bad faith. Eli is treated as unworthy of rational engagement. Eli is covered in chalk makeup and the doctor has immunity from criticism and questioning. Contempt and scorn fly.

There are nuns and Eli's in terrible circumstances. People shrug off a burning car. This was absurd and Eli's parents are crazy. There is a creepy cross and the dad is an a-hole.

Best Lines:

“This is a clean house.”

“Viral gene thearpy.”

“Purer than bottled water.”

“Is the water safe?”

“Something bad happened here.”

“How dare I?”

“Not the way he is!”

“You didn't do anything wrong. But you will.”

“Prayed to who?”

Occupation (2018)

This is an oz alien invasion movie which features nary a Jedi or a superhero. This has unfulfilled promise and philistinism. Things are grim and get grimmer when aliens show up. The aliens speak English. How did they not see the alien ship before they did? The aliens are a dreadful imposition. There is savage fighting and a battle of annihilation, off screen. There is no hell on Earth intensity. There are negative observations.

Best Lines:

“Outside universal threat.”

“It's a country town! What's going to happen?”

“What together?”

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