epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Battle At Big Rock + Gods Of Egypt + Me And Luke + White Settlers 🦕🦕🦕🦕🦕🦕🦕

Battle At Big Rock: A Jurassic World Short Film (2019)

Andre Holland and Natalie Martinex of 'The Crossing' co-star in this short film of dinosaurs in a campsite. Is this the new normal? A Nasutoceratops lumbers around. This tries for dark and scary. A mean Allosaurus lurks. The mean dinosaur is driven off and the gentle herbivores are safe. The end credits show dinosaurs bothering people, cars, doves and great white sharks. This was good.

Best Lines:

“First dinosaur born on US soil.”

“Don't let my 8 year old shoot your crossbow.”

Gods Of Egypt (2016)

Brenton Thwaites of 'Titans' features in this critically mauled film full of exposition and CGI that looks 2003ish. Set (Gerard Butler) takes over. Bek (Thwaites) is slapped around. Set sounds Scottish. Ra lives on a space station and is played by Geoffrey Rush. The 'good guy' Horus is useless and does nothing that suggests kindness. Elodie Young and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Rufus Sewell co-star. There is no internal logic in this pointless film. This was made by the guy who did 'Dark City' FFS!

Best Lines:

“I have a bad reputation to keep.”

“Since you became king, the need for burial shrouds has been great.”

Me And Luke aka A Dad For Christmas (2006)

Louise Fletcher features in this film about a young dad whose bitch girlfriend wants their child adopted. He takes the child and raises it. His ex is as mad as a snake. This does not make a lasting impression.

White Settlers (2014)

A couple move to Scotland. Bad stuff happens. The husband is an arse and his wife whines non stop. This was rubbish.

Tags: movie review, the crossing, titans2018

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