epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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The Spanish Princess (2019-?) 1x01&1x02+Temple 1x01+Confess 1x05-1x07+The I-Land 1x03+The Rook 1x01

The New World

This good soapy show is based on the novels 'The King's Curse' and 'The Constant Princess' by Philippa Gregory. This follows on from 'The White Queen' and 'The White Princess', I never saw 'Princess'. This has nice opening credits. I don't think the word Catholic existed in 1501. There is exposition and Catherine of Aragon's name was Catalina and she was a teenager when sent to England to marry the Prince Of Wales. She was also a blue eyed blonde not a readhead grown woman.


The word steel is used. Did steel exist in 1501? Catherine of Aragon's mother is Queen Isabella, a warrior queen who ends up drenched in blood fighting moors in Spain. Catherine arrives in England to marry the gorked out Prince Arthur and his terrible if period accurate haircut. The illfated Pole family hang out disliking the Tudors.


Catherine is a snot. Women have Miley Cyrus hair in 1501. Prince Henry and Charles Brandon hang out being good looking. Catherine's ladies in waiting are Lina and Rosa. Catherine remembers meeting Christopher Colombus. Catherine has a good leg wax for 1501. Why did Henry take her shoes off as she prepared to walk down the aisle? The Tudor court is politically tumultuous and sexually charged. Catherine has no sheer elation at marrying gorked out Arthur.


Best Lines:

“God-given destiny.”


“Siesta? Is this a food?”


“Is parrot.”


“Beset with enemies.”


The Fever Dream

Catherine shows the depth of her convictions. This show is suprisingly compelling. Catherine can't bestir her useless thick husband. Henry makes himself adorable. Catherine doesn't get the exact response she expected. Wasn't Henry just 10 years old at this time? Henry is a icon of cultural and political history. Arthur is forgotten.


The future Cardinal Wolsey lurks. It is too risky to assume that people are good and decent and mean no harm. Arthur has anguished resentment of Henry. Catherine wears a silly skirt. Arthur is not so stoic and saintly. Scots show up to make a marriage alliance for Princess Margaret. There are many impeding factors to joy.


Arthur has self seriousness. Lina gets the Sweat and lies in a barn. Arthur gets the Sweat. Arthur who has been a lifelong disappointment to his kin dies of the Sweating Sickness. Catherine views the consort's crown as an irremovable destiny. Arthur's heart is buried in a tree for some reason. Catherine wears a Jackie Kennedy pillbox hat. The Poles invite scorn and Catherine irrefutably annoys.


Best Lines:

“Celebrate our bloodline.”


“Last night I was in Spain.”


“Pray god you are.”


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Temple (2019) 1x01

This Sky1 show stars Mark Strong, Daniel Mays and Carice Van Houten. It is a remake of a Norwegian show of which I only saw 1 ep. This has bad opening credits and the doom laden prepper drama of the original show is ditched for comedy and overacting. The doctor's wife is sick, he and she have a really ugly kid and people are fiercely unahppy. The doctor is completely despicable. People are irreparably damaging and make irreversible choices in this fantastically terrible ep.


Best Lines:

“I need to remove his spleen.”

“Why?”

“Because there's a bullet in it.”


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Secrets Revealed

People portentously observe goings on. Auburn has slutty eyes and whore levels of make up and a controlling new man. There is no one I'd wish her life on.


Best Line:

“You smell like a Macy's beauty counter.”


Everytime He Touches Me

This hyped up pyschodrama is bizarre (because it is). Auburn is self pitying and makes no wise choices. This show causes disinterest. This was an unnecessary story. People have a lack of foresight. One has livid dislike for this banality. This was really terrible. The custody issue goes on. Things get abusive for Auburn. This was listless, lacklustre and bafflingly slight.


Best Line:

“You don't tell me what to do.”


Some Secrets Aren't Ours To Tell

Auburn is abused by a crazy man and her loss of custody was down to PPD. Things go badly for her. How did Auburn afford a lawyer? This was hilariously unconvincing.


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The Insubstantial Pageant

Ruinous stupidity inevitably escalates tensions. This show fails consistently. Shrieky wakes up in a lab. This show is a persistent failure. There is death, maybe. Where did the gun come from? Why didn't shrieky mention the first aid kit seeing as the shark attack victim has an infected wound? Who killed rapey? Why is there a gun in a lock box on the island? Why is there a deserted hotel on the island? Why are the gang of fools so stupid?


~
Chapter 1

This 2019 miniseries is based on a good book. A woman with amnesia wakes up surrounded by bodies. She finds a letter written by her. This London set urban fantasy is not as good as the book. There is exposition. Common sense is not a prized commodity. This ep offers no character explanations or backstory. This disappointed. Olivia Munn is caked in make up as the token Yank.


Best Line:

“Protected by lies and someone has to think of them.”

Tags: review, the tudors, the white queen
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