epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Fast & Furious 7 + Split + Riders + The Monster 🤨😥😝😲😩😡🤬😠🤬😡😠🤬😡😠🤬

Fast & Furious 7 (2015)

This was Paul Walker's last film. Dwayne Johnson, Tony Jaa, Rhonda Rousey, Kurt Russell, Jason Statham, Gal Gadot and Lucas Black star. The bad guy Shaw (Statham) destroyed a hospital to no consequences. Dom and co are used to impunity. The consequences of their past actions are not to their liking. This was not a social good.

People are impunged. There is no visible or ethical leadership or integrity or honesty. There are fist fights and car chases. Hobbs (Johnson) has a kid. Deckard Shaw rampages. It doesn't end well. Dom's wrath is brought down on Shaw. Cars drive out of planes. There is banal discourse. People are low on self insight. People need to re-examine their manner of existing in the world. There is powerful resentment.

This was a monumental folly of narcissim that was breathtakingly incompetent. People are obedient instruments of Dom's will. The characters are cretins. Hobbs is barely in this and breaks his arm cast by flexing. Men wear muscle shirts. Brian reconsiders his adherence to violence. None of this makes any sense.

There is a memorial montage for Paul Walker. His hair in early films was bad. This was not very clever. Nothing stays the same through does it.

Best Lines:

“Stay as long as I want woman.”

“Disappointed with his life.”

“Black ops boys.”

“Sins of London have followed us home.”

“Alpha. Mrs Alpha.”

“Vehicular warfare.”

“Woman I am the cavalry!”

“Once you dig through 38 feet of concrete and steel, my fist and a bodybag will be waiting for you on the other side.”

Split (2016)

This abduction 'thriller' fails to cohere and is uninspired. There is no mounting desperation. James McAvoy and Anya Taylor Joy are weird. The twist is useless as I've never seen 'Unbreakable'.

Riders (1993)

This ITV movie was utterly predictable and entirely useless. There were fake tans and OTT acting in this Jilly Cooper adptation. There were tiny underpants and bad perms and 80s fashion and farcical decisions. This turd was crazy and absurd.

The Monster (2016)

A mother and daughter end up in a sorry state in this unsuprising movie. The mother is a useless lazy drunk. The mother is dumping her daughter on her father. She's an inadequate unit mother. The mother is incapable of rational dialogue. She shirks child raising and it leads to a troublesome outcome.

The daughter has sincere anger. The mother has harsh responses to her child's pain. She doesn't give a damn about her child. They make a life changing discovery of a monster on a dark road. Why did the mother even have custody of her child? The wolf looks like a man under a rug. This was a bit bargain basement. This was not evocative.

The mother was a violent child neflecting useless boyfriend dating POS. Am I supposed to care? The mother was unfit on moral ground. Zoe Kazan and Aaron Douglas featured in this.

Best Lines:

“They are hiding and watching.”

“You never care!”

“You never listen to me!”

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