epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Shaft (2019) + Communion + Apollo 11 + Creed II + Triple 9 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Shaft (2019)

Samuel L. Jackson and Richard Roundtree star in this latest in the 'Shaft' franchise. A woman is increasingly volatile. Shaft is not a likeable man as he drives away his woman and baby in 1989. Regina Hall yells as does Titus Welliver. This welds the canon of the 2000 movie and the 1970s movies.

Shaft's son grows up and is in the FBI. This was giddiness and people have heightened elation in themselves. There are no amazing things as a terrible time is had. There are no penetrating insights and this was completely batty. There are no tension build ups just tedious normality and social evils. A boss carps. There are social constraints and people stay in shot looking quizzical.

Shaft Jnr aka JJ has a dodgy junkie pal who dies. There is a moral muddle. There is civil disorder and no moral living. This was non-PC. Shaft heaps vitriolic abuse on his son. Shaft doesn't like a lot of people. Shaft has profound self assurance. JJ wants to know who killed his pal Karim. This was delicious excess. Shaft is dispute ridden. JJ is reprimanded, scorned and ignored by his dad who is all distilled ferocity. JJ has seriousness of purpose.

Shaft loves intimidating displays. JJ never occupied a central position in his dad's emotional life. They get into scrapes. This was ephemeral. JJ is less favourably treated. This has no visceral appeal. Shaft has a sense of volatility and does ruthless violence. JJ faces a mountain of abuse. There is a club fight which is an unusually interesting sight.

There is puke and JJ throws away his job. There is a Trump reference. What's a pie dog? Shaft makes everything super dramatic. JJ holds onto his grudge forever. How did they get onto ropes to make their dramatic entrance into the baddies lair? A woman is in peril. Alexandra Shipp is useless. This was okay. The original Shaft is barely in this as JJ's grandfather.

Best Lines:

“Tainted community dick.”


“For what?”

“Even I have a gun! And I live in a nice part of Brooklyn!”


“All cash sublet.”

“Farmhouse sink.”

“Cheap over the counter erectile cream.”

“You can't throw guns out an open window! Kids live up here!”

“Brothers Watching Brothers.”

“Black James Bond.”

“Front line Harlem. 80s.”

“Building our new youth centre.”

“Men don't apologise. That's a trap they set for us.”

“Bust some heads open.”

“Lemon tower.”

“Dressed like Morpheus from 'The Matrix'.”


“You know him?”


“Simple bitch.”

“Ghetto crack cartel.”

“I'm done working for The Man!”

“Only you could be a worse father than I was.”

Communion (1988)

Christopher Wlaken chews the scenery as nutter Whitley Strieber. No.

Best Lines:

“Was there an owl in here last night?”

“Does it hurt when I touch it?”


Apollo 11 (2019)

This was an enjoyable moving experience that showcases the moonlanding via footage that was lost for decades. It also makes you realise how much Neil Armstrong looked like Nigel Bennett from 'Forever Knight'. It's 50 years since Armstrong took his one small step. This is filled with previously unseen footage. The footage is astonishing: the Saturn V rocket being moved to the launch pad and the liftoff induce awe. This is something worth seeing as it has epochal heft.

Creed II (2018)

People take the consequences of the decisions made in 'Rocky IV'. I've never seen 'Creed'. 'Rocky IV' was the very, very worst of times. Drago and his son live in Ukraine. People dwell on personal fallibility and crushing irredeemable mistakes. Is his name really Adonis Creed? What became of Mr T's character or Mason Dixon or Tommy Gunn? Drago wants his son Viktor to fight Adonis Creed. Drago is sad and unloved.

There is indecision about life choices and the horrific consequences of 80s excess go on. Why are Rocky and Apollo Creed's pictures on the WBC belt? Nobody objects to the deeply unpleasant match of Creed Jnr and Drago Jnr? There is mumbling and self-reproach. There are horrendous events and appalling history. The Dragos life seems unflinchingly bleak. There is wry world weariness and amorality and morally deficient people.

There are strange and cruel decisions. 'Rocky IV' is seared in the consciousness of eveyrone. Adonis becomes a father. There is absurdist logic and disconsolate women and soul crushing nihilism. There is overwhelming regret that plagues people and people are unable to live full lives. There is no joy and fulfilment. Rocky's irrevocably hopeful. The ex Mrs Drago shows up, she has a rich new husband but her hair hasn't changed. There is no moral reasoning just capricious egotism.

Life steadfastly refuses to co-operate with a happy ending. Scurrilous goings on go on with irrationality. Drago bitterly complains. There is a training montage. Why is Adonis' wife singing his ring entrance? The ex Mrs Drago is a rank person. What'll become of Viktor now? Rocky's useless son has a son of his own now. Why are people always talking to gravestones?

Tessa Thompson, Phylicia Rashard, Dolph Lungren, Florain “Big Nasty” Munteanu, Brigitte Nielsen and goob Milo Ventmiglia star.

Best Lines:

“What's with the hair?”

“I combed it.”

“Why she agreed to marry you I do not know.”

“Building a legacy of his own.”

“I lose everything: country, respect, wife.”

“Raised in hate.”

“A lot of bad history.”

“Who wants it more?”

Triple 9 (2016)

Disgusting criminals swear and yell. This was trashy and full of terrible people with hideous personalities. WTF is going on? I couldn't tell. This reeked.

Best Line:

“Devil's dick.”

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