epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Redcon-1 + Swallows And Amazons + Cherry Tree + Legend

Redcon-1 (2018)

This is woefully incompetent and a catastrophic failure. This UK zombie movie is full of expositon, gore and illogic. A zombie apocalypse has erupted with lethal consequnces. There has been a decisive displacement of humans from the top of the food chain.

Soliders are sent into a quarantine zone. This was unmercifully dreary and it was not era-defining. This doesn't build inexorably. The soliders have 72 hours to find a man with a cure. This was not potent or magnificant. Who put up the biohazard tape? People die. Events do not devastatingly precipitate insecurity. There is violence, slo-mo, gangs, unnecessary combat rolls and smart zombies.

Where did the tank and armoured car come from? The soliders ignore survivors, two of which are annoying moppets. This was lacklustre. People fight zombies with fists, knives, guns and a fridge door. This was insanity. There is really bad acting and no broodng malevolence and this was ignominious. There is wanton cruetly and yelling and swearing. Why are there so many guns? A Corbyn like baddie lurks and some other baddie is the poor man's Danny Huston. Enough. Stop.

Best Lines:

“History changed that day.”

“Psychotic behaviour and extreme violent aggrssion.”

“Extraction and nothing else.”

“May god be with you.”

“God's sanctuary.”

“Hoping help will one day arrive.”

Swallows And Amazons (1974)

Is this an alleged classic? I don't think so and I never read the book. It's 1929 and children have adventures as they are free range unsupervised children. Why is a farmer's wife meant to give middle class children free food and milk?

The kids are thieves and a stupid kid is bullied by his 'friends'. The 6 kids are colonialist poshos and this is facetious. The children get away with criminal damage and backtalk. One girl is called Titty, with no irony. This never enlivens one out of stupor.

The pathetic socially retarded little twerps with bad hair harass people. There is separatism from adults. The kids are moronic. The Swallows gang self-define themselves in opposition to the Amazons gang, because well just because. This was more than slightly inept.

The gang are not held back by a sesne of their own limitations. This was clumsily written and this was anathema to anyone with common sense. There is sentimental jingoism and empire nostalgia. There is no intellectual and creative elegance. The 2 gangs join forces to wage a hate campaign against an old man. The little brats are snobs with pomposity. One doesn't even feel affectionate contempt for this. This was clunking self parody and not belligerently literary.

Best Lines:

“Why did the native on the houseboat shake his fist at us today?”

“Greedy little pig.”

Cherry Tree (2015)

A girl gets involved with witches in this sleazy UK horror. She does not look 15. Her hockey teacher is a witch and is a dominating corrosive presence. The girl has a baby to make a witchy deal. This was bad but the ending is nasty.

Best Line:

“Enjoy hell.”

Legend (1985)

Tom Cruise and Mia Sara and Tim Curry mince around this horrible film.

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