Albert berates his wife. Wellington is old and retires. Albert has insolence and no manly charm. Things have gone terribly wrong. Victoria and Albert have an appalling lack of dignity. Victoria does sad laments about her marriage. She is a highly malleable person by men. Albert isn’t even superficially charming. He yells about moral points of principle and makes callous use of his wife whilst petulantly rebuking her.
Albert is without moral standards. This was uninspiring. Albert has delusional notions of his own importance as well as patronising arrogance. Albert incurs the wrath of NIMBYS. The Duchess is perennially oppressed by her husband. Why won’t Victoria send her half-sister away? Albert stokes Victoria’s rage. Albert is nationally castigated.
Victoria feels misery, loneliness and sorrow. The Duchess is warned. Victoria wants to de-escalate a violent situation in Greece. The Duchess and footman have issues. Albert takes violent delight in being sneery. This was not shatteringly brilliant, it was inherently deficient. Albert delights in calumniating his wife. Albert wants to secure his legacy. Husbands have frighteningly limitlessness in their power over their wives. The Duchess is in an emotional and legal quagmire.
Albert is impassioned about the Great Exhibition. Albert makes comments that pretend to be concerned, but aren’t. Albert causes sheer impatience. Potentially catastrophic events seem ready to unfold. The half sister is horribly destructive. This was an exercise in utter futility.
Albert’s stupidly poisons all interaction between himself and his wife; he won’t accept a modest life. He does sustained contentious attacks on his wife. Victoria feels justified anger at the disparaging. The Duchess is dragged off to a loony bin. Another of Victoria’s mooching relative’s shows up. Albert makes Victoria forgive him. FFS.
“Family is not always friends.”
“Giant gingerbread house.”
“The King Of Greece is Albert’s cousin.”
“Free from indignity.”
“Be careful. For his sake. As well as your own.”
“Getting ideas above his station.”
“She never saw her fortune or her children again.”
“Rather be somewhere else than in my company.”
“Took everything away from you.”
That Darn Catwoman
Arch criminal mastermind Catwoman plots. Aunt Harriet wonders why she is banned from Bruce’s study. Robin helps Catwoman rob Wayne Manor. Robin’s moral and ethical standards have been reversed. Robin spends a lot of time asleep. This has no artistic merit. Catwoman contorts her body into a variety of porny shapes for no apparent reason. There is a musical interlude.
Batman is disgusted at this grotesque debasement of Robin and vows to defeat his foe at any cost so he can have Robin back so he can utter sweet nothings and order him to the bat pole in the throe of passion. Robin’s morally compromised moments and revocation of Batman was never mentioned again. Robin suffered no reputation damage from this grimness. An inventor named Pat Pending and his faithful valet are bothered. This was okay.
“Devil had taken him!”
“Is there anything left to believe in?”
“I wanna be alone with you Robin.”
“I’ll give you a fat lip.”
“What have you done to him, you little banshee?!?”
“Who’s the character in the ridiculous costume?”
Scat! Darn Catwoman
“Old criminal’s home.”
“I’m violently opposed to police brutality.”
“My old young crime fighting self.”
Penguin Is A Girl’s Best Friend
The witchy aunt brews potions. Didn’t Bruce Wayne set her to teaching home ec? Alfred and Aunt Harriet are in the Film Decency League. Robin gets agitated when Batman has to kiss the Queen of Diamonds who is wrapped up in silver lame like a turkey.
“Have you been robbing graveyards again?”
“Film Decency League.”
“Appalling lack of enthusiasm!”
“Decency is everybody’s business!”
Penguin Sets A Trend
Where did the dog come from? Suits of armour and another deathtrap feature. Threats of violence follow as Penguin acts out quite aggressively. One is right to doubt TPTB’s competence. Penguin runs around a room whose shelves are marked: secret charts, corn cob pipes, pearl-handled revolvers, secret specifications and secret maps. Penguin does evil apurpose. There is no abstract thought.
“Try to wrench yourself free Robin!”
“You underhanded weasel!”
“Boy big mouth!”
“I’d sooner see the Russians in the Hexagon than Penguin!”
“In the trash heap where you belong!”
Penguin’s Disastrous End
“Holy fork in the road!”
A Riddling Controversy
“Legendary window entrances.”
Luke shoots himself up with the serum so he’s no longer a werewolf. Simon wanders around unwanted. Izzy goes on fire. One feels disenchantment. Will Simon go away? Alec wants to be a vampire to find Bane, that is shot down fast.
Jonathan whines. The finality of this show ending isn’t a shame. An alliance is formed. This was not cruel or beautiful. Jace has sex magic, but we never see it. There is disharmony. There no direct implications. This was hilariously farcical. There is a depressingly constant focus on Simon and Bane. Jonathan becomes a blonde. Luke plots. There is no amicable solution. Jonathan is unruly.
“He can’t ever come back home.”
“Goodbye and good riddance.”
“The atmosphere is demonic.”
All Good Things...
Alec moves in with Bane as his kept man. We get Jace/Alec friendship moments. Izzy and Clary are to be paratbati. Clary has a vision of her useless dead mother who is even more useless. There are fancy wedding cakes. Jonathan attacks. This is not held in high regard. Lilith is skanky. Why are there candles and glass in hell? There are violent incidents.
Disturbing and concerning things take place. Izzy blows up Lilith. This takes too long to do nothing. Jonathan kills people. Clary finally kills Jonathan. Alec and Bane marry despite the massacre of Shadowhunters. Max does not die. Clary loses her runes as a price from the Angel.
A year passes. Downworlders and Shadowhunters work side by side. Jace and Clary meet up, she may not remember him but it is hinted they’ll reunite. TPTB ruined this show.
“Does not look kindly on that.”
“The dead shall stay dead.”
“Our love is stronger than their spite.”
There are bursts of manic rage. Is Hastings wickedly homicidal? Dog’s arse mouth women takes smug delight in Hastings ongoing misfortune until it’s over. This ep was a test of one’s patience. It wasn’t all Gill sabotaging Ted’s life. This was completely ridiculous. There is no emotional investment. There are nefarious schemes. Why isn’t Hastings credibility ruined? This was not a grim story.
“Best we treat you like any normal, regular person who’s been accused of plotting to kill someone.”