epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Tape Tales: The shame of it

Cleared out two tapes, one from approx 1997 and the other from approx 2002. All I can say is: what was I thinking? The 1997 had three ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ eps on it and one ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’.

The 1st ‘Voyager’ ep was ‘Future’s End part 2’ which saw the crew running around LA in 1996. Paris gets a love interest (Sarah Silverman) who has an annoying squeaky voice. An evil rich dude (Ed Begley, Jr) has a time ship from the 29th century. Cue techno babble, large ham acting, rednecks, another shuttle crash and huge helpings of smug and supercilious. This was dull and the holographic mobile emitter made its debut here. ‘Red Dwarf’ did it already.

Best Line: “Only you B’Elanna could start a brawl in Astro Theory 101.”

The 2nd ‘Voyager’ ep was ‘Macrocosm’. This was the show in all its awfulness. It’s Janeway vs big flying killer viruses. This has it all: idiot plotting, idiot characters, bad CGI and utter stupidity.

The 3rd ‘Voyager’ ep was ‘The Q and the Grey’. Q shows up as does his girlfriend and her cheap hair extensions. Q is sleazy. Kim and Paris hang out at their cheesy holodeck resort. There is horrible acting, writing and generally horrible everything. The dumbness shines through when the rickety barge and its half wit crew manage to fly their ship into the Q Continuum and end the Q civil war. Q and Q have a Q baby. Q says dotingly: “I’ve already taught him how to knock small planets out of orbit.” They made Q fluffy!

The ‘Deep Space Nine’ ep was ‘Rapture’. Sisko has visions of the lost city of B’Hala. The storyline begun here actually cumulated in the novel ‘Unity’. Dr Bashir performs brain surgery on Sisko, except it isn’t Bashir. It’s a changeling which we find out several eps later. There is foreshadowing of the Cardassian alliance with the Dominion. Bajor is about to join the UFP until Sisko has a freak out. Kasidy returns after jail. Kai Winn is lost. This was very good.

The 2002 tape had one ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’, one ‘Angel’, one ‘Charmed’ and one ‘Smallville’.

The ‘BTVS’ ep was the 6th season ep ‘Hell’s Bells’. Xander and Anya are about to marry. Buffy makes it all about herself as usual. The bridesmaids wear ill fitting dresses and Anya wears some tight mermaid dress with a shredded veil. There is idiot comedy until Xander has some fake visions of his pathetic life. Xander leaves Anya at the altar. Nobody comforts Anya. Buffy and Spike have their melodrama. Xander gets away with being selfish. This was dull and boring.

Best Line: “To my wife. What would I do without you beautiful? Well for starters I probably wouldn’t need to drink so much would I?”

The ‘Angel’ was ‘Couplet’. Cordelia is selfish and obsessed with having sex with the Groosalugg. Angel coos over his baby son Connor. Wesley plots. Gunn and Fred bore and a killer tree with an internet connection eats people. This was dull.

The ‘Charmed’ ep was season 4’s ‘Marry Go Round’. Phoebe and Cole are to marry but Paige is against it. Since when does Paige use tarot cards? Or sew? Or do aromatherapy? Or make face cream? Cole is possessed by the Source who plots a dark wedding to Phoebe. Speaking of Phoebe, she throws epic tantrums, shrieks and has a hideous veil. Paige glowers. The dark wedding takes place. This was okay but poor Cole, the sisters never even tried to save him.

Best Lines:
“We can’t throw rice.”
“Why not?”
The birds can’t digest it and they will blow up.”

“Only Prue could make my wedding day all about her.”

“Not two but one til life be gone.”

The ‘Smallville’ ep was season 1’s ‘Reaper’ in which a man can kill with a touch, Lex is annoyed, Jonathan’s a jerk, Lana sobs and Clark sighs. This was worthless.
Tags: buffy the vampire slayer, smallville, star trek, tape tales

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