epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The Siege Of Jadotville + Escape From Mars

The Siege Of Jadotville (2016)

Jamie Dornan stars in this based on a true story movie. Jason O'Mara of 'Terra Nova' and Mark Strong co-star. Irish peacekeepers are sent to the Congo in 1961. Superpowers want minerals. There is exposition and the peacekeepers are in the Congo to calm the situation. De Gaulle creeps and there are snakes and awful consequences to cold war games.

The deeply unfortunate peacekeepers are caught up in complex and troubling politics. An idiot UN diplomat makes lofty pronoucements. There are unfixable problems and mercenaries. The French mercenaries aren't warm or welcoming. The head French merc is an honoured solider in France despite everything. Jamie does silent brooding. Mercs have deadly intent. The Irish sleep on the roof and the mercs spark gun battles.

The UN diplomat wouldn't help. Where did the priest go? The French do a fake ceasefire. The mercs are murderously dangerous. There is malice, enmity and malevolence. A plane is shot down. The mercs shoot down a UN medical evacuation helicopter with implacability. The Irish have to surrender and they face UN justifications, jail, blame, accusations of cowardice and a cover up. Jamie punches a superior officer in the face. This was medicore.

Best Lines:

“Your dinner's in the dog!”

“Watch yer fecking language!”

“Inflicitng guilt.”

“Kennedy called.”

“You're not welcome here.”

“Applying blame.”

“I don't suppose he expected to be assasinated.”

“Stole power.”

“We finished them off with grenades through the windows.”

“Negative exercise outcome.”

“Breathe! Squeeze! Kill!”

“You haven't actually been elected to the office you claim to hold.”

"Not many Frenchmen like German tacticians. It only took them two weeks to take over your entire country."

Escape From Mars (1999)

It's 2015 and people head to Mars on the Sagan shuttle. There is bad VFX and talk of fakery. Peter Outerbridge, Allison Hossack and Michael Shanks star. People are idiots. A woman wants to find gemstones and life on Mars. A moonbase was destroyed in 2008? The astronauts have to take anti-sexy time pills. This was made for UPN and it shows. Gravity issues are not addressed. Shanks finds water and life on Mars. Was this a pilot? This wasn't very good.

Best Line:

“Humans walk again on alien soil.”

Tags: movie review, profit, reaper, stargate, terra nova

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