epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: The Ritual + A Daughter's Conviction + Vertigo 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

The Ritual (2018)

There is unexpected brutality but no high emotional drama. This boring mess was based on a lesser Adam Nevill novel. Unobservant friends have an encounter with chavs that is fatal for one of them. Rafe Spall and Robert James Collier co star.


The 4 surviving friends go on a hike. They miss their 5th friend who died due to an impetuous decision by a scrote to get vodka. An injury causes a detour. There is sexism and a dead deer. This is nothing like the book. This causes no undaunted enthusiasm. There is a silent presence in the woods. This was no thrillingly mysterious air, purpose or theme.


They find evidence of witchcraft in the woods. There is a fetid worldview and gurning and a spooky house and rapport is not built. There is swearing. There is moral turpitude and personal acrimony but no effective action. They do not collectively mourn their dead friend. They're self-endangering twits facing adversity in a contentious and truculent fashion. They're in dire trouble, this tries to be sinister but isn't.


There is no continual fear and the foursome have chronic high level irritability but no sheer desperation. There is no emotional depth and this was not harrowing. There are explosions of anger. The chav is a conspicuous nuisance. There is a cycle of aggression and looming tragedy. Anger is aroused and the friends have no deep fondness for each other. They react with resentment to each other.


The chav feels no anguish or shame at getting his friend killed. This does not make you ill at ease. The chav declined to intervene when his friend was being murdered. Nobody seems to be caring about the arcane dark magic. There is wilful violence and renewed fury. This was soul-destryingly stupid. The friends are nasty and this leaves you dissatisfied. There is yelling and death.


The friends run into witches in the woods who worship an ent looking thing. The eco-caste are silly. This is a no hope narrative. The chav had negative perceptions to start with and this was stupid.


Best Lines:

“No-one's ever been to Belgium by choice.”


“We do not say its name.”


“Hiking? For fun?”


“Find something to fall over in Vegas.”


“Bastard country.”


“That's what trees do!”


“Clearly the house we'll be murdered in.”


“The dead thing hanging in the trees!”


“Off road bollocks!”


“I do not value your judgement!”


~
A Daughter's Conviction (2006)

Kate Jackson and Keegan Connor Tracy star in this tale of a bimbo whose mother (Jackson) is arrested for killing her stepfather. The killer is obvious. This sucked and blew.


Best Lines:

“I know the way out.”

“And yet you're not leaving.”


~
Vertigo (1958)

James Stewart and Kim Novak star in this tale of stalking, which is stupid.


Best Line:

“Wasting your time in the underwear department.”

Tags: jake 2.0, movie review
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