epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: Captain Marvel+The Return Of Swamp Thing+Deadly Secrets By The Lake+ 3 more

Captain Marvel (2019)

Brie Larson, Samuel L Jackson, Annette Bening, Ben Mendelsohn, Gemma Chan, Lee Pace, Dijmon Hounsou and Jude Law star in this Marvel movie. It's 1995 and a Kree warrior (Larson) learns she isn't what she thinks she is as she runs around on Earth after nasty and mean Skrulls.


Add in an alien cat, a cameo by the eternally self-satisfied nonsensical 'Agents Of SHIELD' goob Coulson, bad jokes, fights and 90s music. This while not utterly risible is okay if so far removed from any semblance of reality. I did like the Stan Lee tribute and the reveal of how the Avenger Initiative got its name and the 'Mallrats' joke.


Best Line:

“It's a cat! Not Hannibal Lecter!”




~
The Return Of Swamp Thing (1989)

There is bad acting, blatantly irresponsible mad scientists, rapey hicks, idiot kids, Heather Locklear, Sarah Douglas, Ace Mask, Monique Gabrielle and Louis Jourdan in this camp dreck that is sheer incompetence.


Best Line:

“Motley Crue tour 1988!”


~
Deadly Secrets By The Lake (2016)

A woman's sister is accused of murder. So she returns to her hometown and uncovers lies, secrets and bastard ex-boyfriends in this medicore mess. People have endless narcissistic self-justification and there is no good character exploration. The 'heroine' is beset by suspicion. There is a 'twist' and was this a pilot? This was ineptitude and it lacks moral decency.


Best Line:

“THAT FAMILY IS POISON! ALL OF EM!”


~
Kill Bill Vol 2 (2004)

The Bride gets mo' revenge. Every character is disgustingly vile. After hearing recent revelations about the behind the scenes antics on this film, it makes it even more nasty. Retribution is merciless. Various characters are unrepentant unrelenting evil. Where's Sofia? This was a silly tale of increidbly awful people.


Best Line:

“You don't have a future.”


~
The Natural (1984)

No.


~
Carry On Teacher (1962)

At a comp, a beloved teacher plans to leave. His students won't let him. There is objectification of women. This was black and white and thankfully Sid James free. Teachers threaten pupils with physical violence. This was dated and not very funny.


Best Lines:

“Sex in the cycle shed!”


“You haven't seen the hole in them!”

“I HAVE NO WISH TO!”


“Flatten you out like a carpet!”

Tags: agents of shield, hannibal, movie review
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