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Movie Reviews: Isn't It Romantic+Men Don't Tell+Three Identical Strangers+ 7 others 👀🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️😆😉

Isn't It Romantic (2019)

This rom-com spoof stars Liam Hemsworth, Jennifer Saunders and Rebel Wilson. A mugging causes Wilson to wake up in rom-com world. She has good hair, nice clothes, a big apartment and a clean dog but her BFF now hates her and all the flowers that are inexplicably everywhere make her sneeze. The actress from 'Quantico' steals her male friend who Wilson has unknowingly loved all along. Wilson falls down a lot and is romanced by Hemsworth.


This was staggeringly unaffecting and it was merciless monotony. Rom coms in which women are expected to offer their time, attention, affection and bodies willingly and placidly to mn are spoofed. This was apparently pointless and it was a purveyor of awfulness. This wasn't satisfyingly weird just fake seriousness with song and dance routines and Hemsworth does a sax solo with his shirt open.


Best Lines:

“CW hot.”


“Worst yacht party ever.”


“Coffee bitch.”


“There to complete you.”


“Hey pretty woman.”


“Murder face.”


“Pretend its 1995.”


“The Matrix for lonely women.”


~
Men Don't Tell (1993)

Judith Light and Peter Strauss (and a bad moustache) star in this tv movie about a man (Strauss) who is absued by his ever unhappy wife (Light). Things are bad between them and the wife eventually ends up in hospital. The husband is arrested for attempted murder and the whole ugly story of generational cycles of abuse comes out. But at one point he did beat her up and hurled her out a plate glass window! This is allegeldy a true story, he finally leaves her, takes the children and tells her to get help. This was okay.


Best Line:

“She taught me real well.”


~
Three Identical Strangers (2018)

This documentary was about triplets who were seperated as babies and adopted and how they found each other at age 19. Eddy, David and Bobby were shocked to find out they were long lost triplets. This prompted an ethics inquiry into their adoptions. Back when this happened, a newspaper could afford to hire a plane to look into the triplets story.


There is a montage and the triplets have creepy similarities. The triplet's adoptive parents demanded answers and looked into the dubious adoption agency that supplied the babies. There is talk of unsettling behaviour by babies. There are re-enactments and an instilling of trauma by obsessively secret people. The situation got very very nasty. The triplets learned they weren't the only ones treated with a lack of care by deplorable people.


Things get emotionally fraught. The triplets seemed to drop out of college and go to party at Studio 54 and cameo in a Madonna movie. We see footage of a hideously dated 1980s wedding and the tragedy of Eddy's life and death is revealed. The did meet their birth mother and it did not seem to go well. They describe their conception as a “prom night knockup.” Their birth father is not mentioned, they have no relationship with their birth mother and the 2 surviving triplets seem no longer to be close.


The triplets all got married and had families and ran a restarant together. They were completely identical when young but no more. They have to deal with being part of a secret study of seperated identical siblings which was done for science. The triplets were visited by creepy scientists who studided them as children. The triplets grew up within a 100 mile radius but were unaware of each other and how they were being done ill.


Also interviewed are a set of female twins who were also seperated and studied. Who made these threshold decisions? How many siblings were seperated? A few people who carried out the study are interviewed. They claim not to know how many siblings they seperated. They laugh and joke about what they did and evade any responsibility.


The study has never been published. The triplets got little satisfaction. None of team show empathy and they have an ominious disconnect. The 2 surviving triplets are soft sweet souls. The study was all about nature v nuture. The triplets realtionship was damaged despite Eddy wanting them all to be close and one big happy family. The triplets having dysfunctional teen years is revealed only late in the documentary. Eddy had mental health issues and debilitating turmoil and unrelenting misfortune.


Who funded this study? That is never revealed. The study research is sealed until 2066. Did the 2 surviving triplets ever repair their relationship? It seems the triplets reunion and them going on a load of tv shows ended the study. They want access to the study research. What were the people who did the study looking for? What did they find out by placing the triplets in a working lcass home, a middle class home and an upper middle class home respectively?


The triplets each had an adopted sister who came from the same dodgy adoption agency and who was also part of the study. Records are redacted. Were the parents being studided? Eddy killed himself many years ago and it is mentioned is a tossed off fashion that Bobby was involved in a murder as a teen. We learn no more about the murder case. This was bizarre and sad. It's okay.


Best Lines:

“Great or terrible?”


“The old bitch.”


“Big meaty hands.”


“They're coming out of the woodwork!”


“Sex was different.”


“Music was different.”


“The liquor store used to deliver the liquor.”


“What was the purpose of it?”


“We were a science experiment.”


“Conceal what they did from the people they did it to?”


“It wasn't a romantic story.”


“Personality inventory tests.”


“Justify what they did.”


“Adjust to each other.”


“You can't see this.”


“Wasn't in the right place.”


“Long closed.”


“I never felt a responsibility.”


“Ethically compromised.”


“Ethically wrong.”


“Until they're gone.”


~
The Possession Of Michael King (2014)

An unhappy widower and father films himself as he sets out to disprove the existence of the devil. This has no inherent drama. He's on about fradulent psychics who he sees as moral wretches. He's aggressive and he's too much. He briefly has a camera man. He interviews a dying priest in an impressive scene. The stupid idiot ignores the sound advice the priest gives him.


The stupid idiot creates havoc as he tells demons to bring it on. There are repercussions as his idiocy has a negative impact on him. He sees psychics as scam ridden yet still visits a dodgy demonologist and a really dodgy necromancer. There are toads, ants and weirdness happens. The widower's sister exists only to tend to the widower's neglected child who he ignores.


Things make terrible sense and the widower's manifestations of grief lead him to dumb choices. The afterlife is completely unknowable. He finds it suffocating to under the gaze of evil. There is absolute fear and mistrust as the widower is possessed. The cameraman leaves. The widower is agitated and his idiocy has a deleterious effect on him and others.


The widower is damaged and his deadpan distain gives way to a sinister undertone. Things get macabre. The poor dog. There is demonic rage and corrupt enjoyments and the man's house turns into a hellpit. His downfall is utterly inevitable. He's deeply discontented. He's deliberately and maliciously targeted and fraught and destitue of any human assistance.


He's fallen from favour. Evil is unignorable. He fell into a trap set by the devil. His life is dramatically disrupted. He needs to accept the consequences. Things go seriously wrong leading to unthinkable horror. He finally has weary acknowledgment of what he's brought on himself. He stares malevolently and pays for being deliberately inflammatory and having perennail hostility. His defiance comes to nothing. This was goodish.


Best Lines:

“The truth scares people.”


“Blackest of the black magic, stuff people are scared of.”


“Come and get me.”


“That was her remedy.”


“He will know you're listening.”


“I ordered a demon summoning kit off the internet. I lit the traditonally evil looking black candles.”


“Demons get insulted by the cheap stuff.”


“Once performed they're very hard to undo.”


“Satanic porn.”


“World will shatter.”


“Intensely nauseating.”


“Run from daddy.”


~
Leprechaun Origins (2014)

A horror prequel, I've never seen any of this franchise before. 2 couples backpack through 'Ireland' and it negatively impacts them. The not much seen evil leprechaun is played by pro-wrestler Hornswoggle. Things that aren't logically explainable happen. There is no wry amusement. They order pints in a pub. Pints of what?


This was purgatorial. The insensitive gits get got. This was a grim attempt at horror. This was awful awful awful and pretty grim. There are petulant evil locals, dim bimbos and this was painfully fake and undemanding. This was so dark and I've no idea what happened in this film. This was stupid and utterly enraging and tests the patience of viewers.


~
Sink The Bismark! (1960)

This WW2 drama sees the UK try to sink the Nazi warship. The UK boss is vile and god helps them not. The UK is crisis wracked. There is a Churchill soundalike. The ship is sunk in a brutal reckoning. This was dull.


Best Lines:

“Fighting alone.”


“Dark stain of nazi conquest.”


~
The Secret Lives Of Pets (2016)

This animated film is extremely medicore.


Best Lines:

“Pass out from fear.”


“Do weird, inexplicable things.”


“Lazy weirdo!”


“I heard him screaming after he disappeared into those bushes!”


“Dark and foreboding shed.”


~
Swing Vote (1999)

Andy Garcia stars in this tale of a 'future' America where Roe v Wade has overturned. So a woman is on trial for murder. Andy Garcia has been appointed to the Supreme Court and is the swing vote in the case. There are accusations of knowing particupation in murder and no justice and Garcia has zero good people around him. This was dull with some really bad acting.


Best Lines:

“Test not our will in this.”


“What created expectations about my vote?”


~
Ocean's Rising (2017)

Famously awful.


~
Tank 432 (2015)

This is a 'Dog Soldiers' ripoff with Rupert Evans. This was appallingly dull utter ineptitude.

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