epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Movie Reviews: Attack Of The Giant Babies +The Vatican Tapes +The Return Of The Caped Crusaders

Attack Of The Giant Babies (2017)

Dominic Brunt of 'Emmerdale' directs this terrible UK horror. Larger than life characters run around a not tightly wound film which becomes increasingly haplass. Wildly unhelpful brats full of sulleness are the 'stars' of this painfully routine movie. There is no audience pulling power.


Plausibility is not a concern and there is no comic lunacy. This was termianlly uninteresting and truly wretched and it is also an incomprehensible mess. Comedy thieves recruit an idiot family into thieving from a big old house full of rich perverts. Or are they? The plot is not a complex structure just sleaze. There is a claymation scene and there is a monster and aliens or something.


Best Lines:

“So far beyond boring.”


“Shut up you cow bitch.”


“You are nursie.”


“No mess this time, that room is still cordoned off.”


~
The Vatican Tapes (2015)

Alison Lohman and Michael Pena star in this tale of the antichrist. There is a corrosive human cost to an exorcism. This was not very delightful. People can see with cold clarity that this isn't going to work out for people. Violently contradictory things happen and someone has lethal intent. This was not good.


Best Lines:

“Dark forces are rising.”


“I walk the Earth.”


“The deceived will worship this false prophet.”


~
The Return Of The Caped Crusaders (2016)

The 1st of 2 animated movies inspired by the 1966 tv show. Burt Ward and the late Adam West return to their iconic roles as the Boy Wonder and Batman. Inbetween Aunt Harriet making nudge nudge wink wink references about the underage Dick Grayson having a sexual realtionship with his legal guardian Bruce Wayne, the big bads of Gotham are plotting, again. How did the masked Batman and Robin become deputised officers of the law when no-one knows their real names and Robin is underage?


Catwoman makes Batman go bad and he fires Alfred. And that's just the start. There is a bat rocket. Which leads to Batman in space putting on brass kuckles and beating up baddies. Also Batman drives off without Robin and then throws him out of stately Wayne Manor. Then he fires Gordon and O'Hara for being terrible at their jobs. Robin goes to save Batman, how does he have a Robin costume? Catwoman temporarily has Robin in a giant birdcage sitting on the swing – like the famous Vanessa Paradis ad.


When Batman is returned to normal, he doesn't apologise for trying to murder his teen sidekick and Catwoman TWICE. There's an anti-isotope spray. Robin is quite smart. The ending of 'The Dark Knight Rises' is mocked and the bat signal shows up. This was okay.


Best Lines:

“You paragon of virtue.”


“Almost uncovered our most intimate of secrets.”


“You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!”


“Progresses down a road of darkness.”


“Wholesome magazines.”

Tags: batman1966, movie review
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