epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: What Keeps You Alive+A Teacher’s Obsession+The Enemy Within+The Naked Jungle+ 2 more

What Keeps You Alive (2018) - spoilers ahoy!
A couple go to a cabin in the woods. There is mumbling and I’ve no idea what is going on due to the incoherent mumbling. An ugly woman has no contented joy. Her croptop wearing companion lurks. Another woman shows up and stuff is mumbled. There is no nerve-shredding strain.

Ugly woman and the Daisy Dukes/croptop wearing woman hang out, enjoying rustication. This deserves to be a forgotten mistake. This is not highly distinctive. The ugly mouth breather makes gormless faces. The other woman and her husband hang out across the lake and there is talk of a dead woman.

The plot changes when ugly woman nearly makes an unplanned dramatic exit. Ugly woman isn’t dead; croptop woman is soft spoken malfeasance and grandstanding villainy. So much for unbreakable loyalty in this mirthless mess. This was risibly overpraised. Croptop woman is evilly tormenting. Ugly woman is deeply discomfited by croptop woman’s vicious and calculated lies.

Why isn’t ugly woman dead? Why don’t her injuries seem to affect her or be noticed by the people across the lake? This was uninspiring. There is no evident talent on display here. Croptop woman puts on camo and gets a gun. The fatal schism shows what a spectacularly bad choice ugly woman made. There is a rowboat fight and a hunting knife is waved.

I rarely approached sympathy for ugly woman. Even before croptop woman revealed herself, there was a relationship composed of a cloying world of pleasantries and subdued passive aggression. Ugly woman has a brutal realisation that croptop woman is a nutter. The situation is inflamed. There is a negative dynamic and emotional strain and emotional upset. This all exacerbates a difficult situation.

A dinner party goes awry. Ugly woman is useless. Where did all the tarp come from? There is no considerable complexity. Why doesn’t croptop woman kill ugly? This was pathetic. This was not sensitively crafted, nor was it a journey into darker territory. Where did the blacklight come from? Where did the piano come from? Ugly woman is a stone cold loser. There is no earnest intensity. How many wives has croptop had? This was a faltering gurn-fest. Ugly woman is kept in abused servitude.

Ugly woman is alone with the psycho forever. Croptop woman is a diabetic and strokes out due to a doctored syringe. She’s unrepentant to the end. This was not the most anticipated cultural event in a generation.

Best Lines:
“Jenny fought harder.”

“I make you do the next one.”

“Scrubbing will embed the stain.”

“Trapped by emotions.”

A Teacher’s Obsession (2015)
This was marginal talent. A teacher is utterly threatening to a student. There is sustained negative criticism of said student. There is no tonal complexity. A teacher has questionable involvement with a pupil. Massive wrongs are done. There is bad acting and a spoilt whiny brat and no grave things happen. People have hazy moral outlines and there is lunacy.

Best Lines:
“Yet another note of disappointment.”

“We do not tolerate failure.”

Alien Nation: The Enemy Within (1996)
Kerrie Keane and Joe Lando star in this franchise killing TV movie. Newcomers have an untouchable caste, never mentioned before or since. People discuss Newcomer sex a lot. Matt and Cathy move in together. Susan thinks of cheating on George with Rick Shaw. A dead Newcomer named Gale Warnings raises issues. There is a guy named Terry Firmer. Cold Fusion is faked. Buck acts out.

A woman called Carrie Onbag cries. The sexual abuse of Newcomer women and the theft of their children is discussed. George ignores all this. A mystery group of Newcomers live in the hills. A monster lurks. Matt acts CRAZY. Cathy’s personality has changed. There is exposition and this was dreadful.

Best Lines:
“Feed themselves from the waste.”

“He announced this at the dinner table?”

“Go invest in some French underwear.”

“I’ll hope you’ll be there when George impregnates May.”

The Naked Jungle (1953)
The malicious and callous and sexist and abusive Charlton Heston lives in the jungle on his plantation being racist. He harasses his mail order wife and has a general miasma of creep. Solider ants show up. This was dreadful.

Best Lines:
“Dirty man.”

“Tell me about spoons.”

Irresistible (2007)

The Illusionist (2005)
“He plans to overthrown his father.”
“That could go very badly for him.”
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