epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The Guardian + Lady Jane

The Guardian (1990)
This William Friedklin horror is all very very serious. Jenny Seagrove plays a vile and evil druid nanny who sacrifices babies to an angry molesting tree. No really. Carey Lowell and Miguel Ferrer and Natalia Nogulich co-star. Nobody notices the nanny’s baby stealing and sinister rites and pagan darkness. Why do the family need a live-in nanny? There is stupidity, t&a and death. Xander Berkeley shows up and the stupid parents think they’ve won.

Best Line:
“Don’t let that woman back in your house!”

Lady Jane (1986)
This is a bio-pic of the 9 day queen. Unredeemable men plot. Cary Elwes and Helena Bonham-Carter star. There is mumbling. Patrick Stewart, Joss Ackland and Morgan Sheppard co-star. Mary I has Jane and her husband executed to ensure her own marriage. Elizabeth I isn’t seen. This was unsubtle. Jane’s equally ill-fated sisters don’t seem to exist. This was over-long. Jane’s idiot husband gets his kit off. This was dull and nobody renders aid to Jane.

Best Line:
“Of famous memory.”
Tags: movie review, the tudors

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