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Angels And Minsters Of Grace
A woman does drugs in this drearily routine ep. This show heads towards cancellation with gleeful inexorability. Constantine takes amoral amusement in his implied superiority and smug public image.

There are immoral purposes and Constantine is not plagued by qualms. He lacks a conciliatory tone and a wave of concern. The obviously evil angel responds aggressively to Constantine’s outpouring of discontent. Zed is a relentless self-promoter. One fees deep-seated antipathy to her. Zed has no charm. The incompetent and untruthful Zed is fawned over the ridiculously rude Constantine. Everyone thinks Zed has breakthrough insights.

Who is paying for Zed and Chas’ hospital visit? This is unexciting. This ep is mostly awful and not actually engaging. Zed is useless at everything and whines about the precariousness of existence. There is no long term potential. Zed has a glazing effect. This was lacked fierce or inventive entertaining qualities. Constantine is spite-fuelled. The narrative moves a lack of urgency. Constantine is vociferously overexcited. This was slow and overwrought.

This show is stunningly ill-considered as Constantine has witless jocosity. Constantine deserves to be wildly reviled and attacks an angel. Menace looms. He’s not a master of nuance and there is no sombre significance, just missed opportunities. Zed is particularly shrill. This was not deeply atmospheric. What about the doctor the angel possessed? Constantine is grotty and profoundly unsavoury. This is disjointed, plodding and full of unlovable characters. There is no emotional pain or raw and unrelenting truth. I was utterly bored watching this.

Constantine’s full of mumbling rage. This was pitiful. Constantine is ruinously stubborn and incompetent. The angel mumbles about evil diamonds. Constantine thinks he’s an era-defining hard-bastard. There is moral rot and I’m sure Constantine will regret coercing an angel. There’s emotional chaos and no social competence. The angel is displeased. Constantine is a custodian of morality. One feels complete distain for the constant high drama.

Constantine has perennial discontents as he pulls consequential facts out of his ass and thinks the world is centred on him and he’s uncordial. Where are Zed’s family?

Best Lines:
“We’re seriously missing something obvious here.”

“Full of suppressed rage.”

“Calcified evil.”

“That was humbling.”

“With infernal power.”

Waiting For The Man
The 3 child brides of yet another psychopath with an unnecessarily complicated plan go cruising for a 4th in the final ever ep of this intermittently compelling show. Emmett J. Scanlan of ‘Hollyoaks’ shows up as Jim the cop with the bad Southern accent. The slow insidious Rising Darkness does nothing of note. What was it anyway? This ep was horribly watchable. The nutter du jour looks sinister, but the ep has no deeper dread significance.

There is mumbling. The show has no defining visual motif, nor is it performance based. The nutter du jour is a Satanist and torments people. People prophesy the downfall of Constantine. Papa Midnite joins in the convoluted plot. This ep while good does not embed itself in the memory and it is not that darkly compelling. The child brides dress like the Amish. The Rising Darkness was not a long standing threat.

Numerous plot threads are left dangling. Obvious baddies are walking and thinking and ostentatiously plotting. Constantine is magisterially, loudly, supremely confident in his cold control, lies and pretence. He defiles a toothbrush and mentions the Bardo. He’s unbearable. This show was consigned to the ether for being boring. The child brides embrace marital slavery.

Things are inimical to safety. People are foul-minded. Why is the 4th child bride so eager to marry the old grubby Satanist? Suddenly the 4th child bride becomes a bolter and there is a creepy reveal about the 3 child brides. The cop helps Constantine murder someone. What is the angel up to? Papa Midnite serves the Rising Darkness? What does the angel want with Constantine, the cold and soulless lunatic? Oh the perilous betrayal of the angel! Why was the angel evil? What became of the Rising Darkness? What became of Zed and Chas and Papa Midnite?

Best Lines:
“Devil’s branding irons.”

“Never paid her no mind.”

“Not your smartest move.”

“Ain’t got a lick a quit in me!”

Call To Action
It’s Thanksgiving. Manchester Black bores. Alex and Kara defy their new boss and badmouth her. Brainy bores and lies to his boss. Lena tells James what to do. Will Lena shut up? Kara and Alex seem uncaring as to where Dean Cain is. Manchester Black is a criminal and gets away with it. TPTB make Lena an unbearable shrew to make Kara look better. Where is Lucy Lane? Where is Max Lord? Or the Supergirl clone? Kara is smug and entitled and elite during a tv debate with Ben. As for Ben, he gets his own tv show. Why is Nia invited to Thanksgiving? Helen Slater shows up. Why is Lena such a bitch? James learns what a bitch she is. This was really stupid. Alex is full of herself. I hate this show.

Best Line:
“I made it fine!”

Return To Tomorrow
The ship is summoned to a destroyed and dead world by a voice that has survived for thousands of centuries. Kirk sleazes over a female crewmember. Shatner gurns and makes bizarre faces as he is possessed. Kirk blathers about engines the size of walnuts and danger potential in a flurry of bad acting. Leonard Nimoy is sinister when playing a possessed Spock. This was awful. Uhura screams and people are dumb. I can't believe how bad this iconic show is.

Best Lines:
“Standard landing party equipment.”

“I will not peddle flesh!”

Doomsday Minus One
A man is stuck in a phone booth and goes hysterical. Aliens attack and David Vincent is summoned to a menacing motel. William Windom guest stars. The aliens plan to hijack a nuclear test. This was dull and causes sheer frustration.

Londo hurls threats at G’Kar. This is Sinclair’s last ep as a main cast member. The Earth Alliance President is on Earth Force One on a goodwill tour of the outer planet colonies and bigs up an upcoming policy speech. Sinclair woodenly asks his woman to marry him, much good it did them.

Morden resurfaces. There is bad acting by nothing characters. Morden is very tan for someone who lives in an underground city on Z’ha’dum. Morden wears a 90s suit and says he’ll help Londo. Kosh exposes himself to Delenn. The Vorlons weren’t goodies, not even close. There is exposition and the Shadows attack in dated looking VFX.

The vice-president gets off Earth Force One. Garibaldi is shot by Jack his 2nd in command. Delenn offers Sinclair answers, kinda sorta. The Shadows kill 10,000 Narns in an attack. G’Kar thinks the Minbari wouldn’t commit such an attack, overlooking their war of near-genocide. The Earth President is killed when Earth Force One is blown up, VP Clark is sworn in, in a scene meant to invoke the swearing in of LBJ. This was good. Sinclair is told to shut up about his conspiracy talk. Jack kills people. Delenn’s in a cocoon, that is laughably bad VFX - it looks like a drawing FFS! Clark was massively important to the plot but barely featured. Kosh lurks.

Best Lines:
“When you look into the mirror and you realise that what you see is all you will ever be.”

“I don’t like this a lot.”

“There's someone else out there.”

Melanie Lynskey, Bill Skarsgard, Jane Levy, Sissy Spacek, Scott Glenn, Frances Conroy, Ann Cusack and Schuyler Fisk star in this JJ Abrams show based on the settings and characters of Stephen King. Terry O’Quinn is the dead star walking. The warden of Shawshank Prison (Quinn) is retiring. There is a mention of the events of ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ after the warden tops himself.

It is discovered that the warden kept a wing of the prison unoccupied for 30 years. There is self-grandiosity, people giving up on each other and what was the dead warden up in his secret wing? There are unusually bizarre goings on in the jail. The kid (Skarsgard) is found in the secret wing. What is the new warden up to as she covers up the discovery of the lurking kid?

People think the kid is the old warden’s sex slave. The cops are not called. Instead they clean up the kid. The new warden has a whiff of insincerity. A lawyer obsesses over a Death Row inmate and has secrets. There is mumbling, moral dilemmas and why is the lawyer staring at alligators? A nice guard alerts the lawyer about the kid. There is apparent death and secret thoughts.

This was interesting if not queasily delightful. This has no undeniable élan. What happened to the lawyer when he was a child? A drug using woman stares. This was not terribly interesting but I do wish to see more. The town is not utterly ordinary. The old warden did not retire in triumph. Why doesn’t the lawyer’s adoptive mother (Spacek) have a nurse? The former Sherriff Alan (Glenn) lurks. Alan was previously played by Ed Harris in ‘Needful Things’. Where’s Polly?

What happened to the church cemetery? You get the feeling that a highly volatile combative situation is about to kick off. There is constant frustration and social decay. The lawyer (who was tried in the court of public opinion) is unfriendly to Alan. A mouse (like in ‘The Green Mile’) is seen but not for long. Is the set of Shawshank, the one used for Fox River in ‘Prison Break’? This was ponderous.

Best Lines:
“One old perv.”

“Ashes don’t get appeals.”


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