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6 TV Reviews

The Exorcist 1x08-1x10

The Griefbearers
Marcus gets a slap. Angela has feelings of indignation. Henry, Kat and Chris gape at Casey. Tomas is too darn decent. Angela is anchored to the past. Sense is relinquished. The demon caused Kat’s crash and Henry’s brain injury. Marcus does morally ambiguous intensity.

It’s a shame this show wasn’t exceptionally popular. This is not a moral universe. Henry is not amiable. Kat committed an irreparable breach of trust. It’s emotionally difficult for everyone. The exorcism comes at fearsome cost and in a grim context. The demon is a serious challenge and has ugly aggression.

Kat is tiresome and self-centred. Kat should not be granted forgiveness. Tomas and Marcus have a punch up. Bennett tries to protect the Pope. Angela talks to the demon. There is no crisis intervention team. The demon is a diabolist and diabolical nemeses. People have moral defects and Casey tries to do the anatomically demanding neck twist. Casey floats and Geena Davis’ face looks puffy. The demon will never be sorry for what it did.

Are the demons profligate cruelties done? Marcus so obviously wants to do immoral services to Tomas. Casey’s free. The Rance clan try to hide Casey from the consequences. There is no remorseless march of logic. Bennett is in peril. Jessica’s husband bothers Tomas. Jessica is a stupid jade. There is no moral purpose and Angela’s possessed and kills her mother. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Daddy dimwit.”

“How’d that work for Father Merrin?”

“Never give the demon what it wants.”


“Get in a bar fight.”

“How does a man like that afford 20 grand’s worth of military grade hardware?”

“She scraped the first one out.”

“Who the hell lives in Canada?”

“Henry. Virility personified.”

Angela willingly got possessed. The possessed police chief lurks and stops a detective asking logical questions. Dogs stare at Angela who takes uxorious joy in being awful. Marcus feels extreme pleasure in being right. People act for darker reasons. Nobody really cares how Casey is coping in the aftermath. Angela has quiet hatred. How did Henry pass on a message to Tomas back in 1x01? Everyone is without morals. Henry gets a message.

Why aren’t the demon possessed suffering the physical deterioration that Casey and Regan did? Marie is shocked that demons have no gallant intentions and unspeakable instincts. Tomas’ parish is to be closed. Why doesn’t Marcus say anything to Tomas? The tour guides get murdered. A nun is onto Angela who kills nuns with her mind. The Satanists have malevolent vigour. Angela tries to have it off with Henry.

Marcus beats up a demon. This was good. Tomas dumps Jessica. Where is Tomas’ sister? Marcus gives a demon a bath. Marcus gets beat up. Casey is onto Angela. Tomas grasps the truth and busts down a door. The Rances don’t have a bolt or an alarm. Even now.

Best Lines:
“Anyone whose ever stood against us.”

“Sanctimonious whore.”

“Couldn’t hear enough screaming.”

“Desperation with notes of mediocrity.”

“A renewal centre for deviant priests.”

“Grandma who died on our staircase.”


“Denier of angels.”

“A top prospect.”

“The academics in the trailer.”

“Whores of mercy.”

“The living embodiment of catholic hope.”

“God got bored.”

Three Rooms
Angela is taunted by the demon. The demon is unreasonable and callous. Tomas is tormented and is emotionally vulnerable. Marcus is the manliest man who ever manned. Tomas is a ball of masculine angst. There is universal hate and eternal condemnation and a hate brigade. Tomas aims for a better outcome as Angela does malignant behaviour. Kat hits herself with a hammer.

There is a price for safety. Maria finally gets possessed. Tomas mans up. Marcus is resolute in his spiritual conviction. Maria and Jaffey (Tim Hooper) are left possessed and on the loose at the end. Neither Tomas nor Marcus bother to find them or exorcise them. The Pope (Bruce Davison) is saved; he looks like Benedict not Francis. This was good. Maria and Jaffey plot.

Best Lines:
“The power of Christ compels you!”

“Know your place!”

“Die in some stinking room with one of those things standing over you.”

“They were promised to me.”

“Bastard brothers.”

“You don’t get to say no!”

“What kind of all powerful demon lets himself get chucked out a window?”

Salvation 1x02-1x05

Another Trip Around The Sun
People lie and plot. There is bad acting and dialogue. There is paranoia and bimbos and talk of Project Atlas. A reporter assembles a wall of crazy and Ian Anthony Dale broods. This defies all efforts to give it a clear meaning.

Best Line:
“Don’t say that word to anyone. Ever.”

Truth Or Darius
Grace whores herself out for info. Nothing happens in a coherent context. This is front loaded with exposition and it has no standards of relevance. People act irresponsibly. People are characteristically miserable. The damned and the doomed live a hellish life. Grace fears the government has nefarious intentions.

People have differing motivations and background but you don’t care.  People mumble. This needs to be less up itself and TPTB have a striking lack of commitment to logic. An attempt to stop the ELE will result in a billion deaths. People mumble about the EM drive. Ian Anthony Dale has a brat son. The Elon Musk expy causes disaster and Grace is rumpled. This is terrible.

Best Lines:
“We go further.”

“Oh that’s bad.”

“Proof of concept.”

“That’s fantastic!”
“Is it?”

The Human Strain
Darius hacked NASA and committed treason and Grace was party to it. The reporter was run over. A woman is assigned to decide who goes on the Ark. Why did Darius have Grace steal uranium when it wasn‘t necessary? The smug Darius is arrested for high treason. Finally. Grace whines. This show wastes every opportunity its ever had. Harris is angry and Grace is a liar. Nobody noticed the ark (called Salvation) on the grounds of Tanz? Darius was buying up treasures to take to Mars. Will people stop lying? Darius gets beat up. Finally. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Talk. While you still have the ability.”

“Ravings of that cynical lunatic.”

“Leave and play space king.”

“He’s Noah.”

“Correction burn.”

Keeping The Faith
Why is Darius getting away with his crap? Darius is dumped by the government. Grace lies. Grace deserves all the crap she gets for treating Darius like the messiah. Darius is cretinous. The reporter isn’t dead sadly. Liam bores. Darius lies, again and engages in self-rationalisation. Darius is a pathetic stalker and India is asked for a favour. Liam learns his professor is a baddie. A major player out there hacks all the space programmes worldwide. There is bad acting and Grace needs a swift slap. Darius is the enemy! The reporter sticks her nose in. What is Atlas? Nobody has moral purpose. Liam kills someone. This was not resonant, sad or terrifying.

Best Lines:
“This is so Watergate.”

"Planet-saving technology."

"Kinetic impactors."

The First 1x02

What’s Needed
I’m done with this show. Laz has kids. It’s 23 months until the next launch window. People talk about lawsuits. Vista testifies before Congress. The lucky quarter caused the crash. Sean Penn is uniformly wonderful and has a moral centre. This was infuriating. Tom (Penn) and his junkie daughter can’t use cutlery properly.

This lacks cohesion and is patience sapping. There is no chilling resonance and I don’t care about his domestic drama. People talk about self-driving, drought, eco-refugees, Miami disappearing and rising sea levels. This was a muddled and incoherent mess. Politicians are discontented and there are downbeat reflections. There are societal problems and constant bad news.

People are ill-served and no emotional responses in this ghastly ep. What happened to Tom’s wife? There are automated check-ins at hotels. There is no small degree of nuance. Tom glowers with aplomb and stomps. Laz is ludicrously written. There is no dramatic tension and this was not culturally attuned. There is looming turbulence. Laz is not apparently assured. This is not beautifully wrought. Tom is the oppressed realist who won’t compromise according to TPTB.

A dead astronaut’s father speaks despairingly. Tom looks thuggish and Tom’s dog is named Apollo. Glasses that show video are worn. This was not heart-wrenching. There is a battle of ideas, a female POTUS and it is 2032 apparently. This leaves you disengaged. There is raw anger and I don’t care about Tom or his idle daughter or the bizarre shrill Laz. They lived in a troubled world. Tom will be commander again. There are unacceptable circumstances and serious consequences. This was flawed with no accountability. There are politics and social change.

Best Lines:
“Ignition source.”

“Earth not space!”

“Capable of leaving our planet and setting foot on a celestial object.”

“Thousands of generations before us.”

“Your doomsday routine.”

“Space? Why? For what?

Berlin Station 1x03

Riverrun Dry
There is a dream sequences and fraud. Daniel sneers. There is a failure of moral duty. This is an inept paranoid fantasy. Nobody has the utmost integrity. This was entirely false and implausible. TPTB insist this is utterly utterly significant. Hector plots. There are bizarre US accents. Is there anyone Hector won’t shag for intel? There is a lack of trust in the world and no immediacy.

Hector’s angry and relationships are transactional. Daniel bothers women. Daniel has a cat. What is a 529 fund? There are lies and Daniel and Hector hang out in a drag bar. Hector steals Daniel’s phone. There is cheating and this was boredom.

Best Lines:
“Pleasure of your panic.”

“Ghost prisons.”

“Nomination cable.”

“Nic fit.”

“It’s not good.”

“I’m using the term ironically!”

“Step into the alley!”

“German TV sucks. Can you get me the Apple TV?”

“You didn’t deserve to go out like this.”

“You be potent!”

Constantine (2014-2015) 1x01-1x04

Non Est Asylum
I can’t stand Matt Ryan or his accent. Lisa Darr and Harold Perrineau co-star. No wonder this was cancelled by NBC, it’s BAD. This exists in the same universe as ‘Arrow’, ‘The Flash’ and ‘Legends Of Tomorrow’. Neil Marshall directed this ep. An annoying woman and her dead father have issues. This was bizarre and unpleasant and humourless. This was deeply crass and facetious. This was not deeply solemn, raw or painful.

This is occultist claptrap. People with odd accents lurk. There is bad acting and the ‘hero’ has swaggering confidence and macho bravado that aren’t deserved. Expectations for this were in the toilet in this dreadful ep.

Best Lines:
“Master of the Dark Arts.”

“I’m a nasty piece of work! Ask anybody!”

“The sordid passions of my parents.”

The Darkness Beneath
This has an okay title card. Constantine meets some random mumbling woman on the street who is the new female lead after the one from the pilot was fired for being crap. Kevin Spacey was considered for the lead in the 2005 movie. Ha! Zed the new dumb woman has visions. Who murdered a man? Oh who cares? This was not utterly terrifying or relentlessly bleak. There is no message of hope.

Best Lines:
“Hell’s knocking back.”

“Really? In a church?”

“Provide moderate value.”

The Devil’s Vinyl
A friend of Constantine dies. The ‘hero’ uses a Hand Of Glory. He’s purposefully irritating. A soul broker is made to eat his words. There are damning results.

Best Lines:
“Unseemly motives.”

“I fronted a punk band called Mucus Membrane.”

A Feast Of Friends
The ‘hero’ carries out a grim ceremony after an old friend of his shows up. A demon is loose in the city. The ‘hero’ is rude and a bad friend. He has an inability or an unwillingness to be good. As does this show. There is no forgiveness for what the ‘hero’ does in this ep. He does something horrible but necessary. This was preposterously terrible.

Star Trek 2x09

The senior officers are in danger and have calm outrage at a sickly female UFP politician. This ep led in time to the ‘TOS’ novel ‘Federation’. This has no moral purpose as the female politician is subjected to scorn in disconcerting and isolating fashion. Kirk is affronted by her. This has sexism and no fateful moments. The gang make a forced landing on a planetoid and encounter a young Zefram Cochrane. He looks way younger then he did in ‘Star Trek: First Contact’.

No drama roils just beneath the surface. People are petulant and completely devoid of personality in this stagey and artificial ep. There is no axis of probability. This was ineffective and insufferably boring. Kirk is visibly irritated. This is of limited competence. This was not elegantly written or emotionally devastating. An energy being called The Companion lurks on the planetoid.

Cochrane discovered the space warp apparently. It takes ages for Kirk, Spock or McCoy to recognise him. There is secrecy, dysfunction and resentment. There is no tension. The woman goes hysterical. Kirk is entirely sensible. The Companion is a dangerous influence. Kirk is vile, bloated and nonsensical. People are foolish enough to step over the threshold. Peril is caused. Kirk has repressed impotent rage. There is no sense of the immensity of space. Characters have palpable animus toward the only woman. This ep is a no hoper.

Consent issues are overlooked. Kirk screams in frustration. There is a peculiar lack of tension and this was all narrative lag. McCoy mumbles. There is no honour, integrity or kindness in this ep. There is also no moral sentiment or moral imagination. The woman’s voice is excluded. This ep causes no real engagement. Tragic lives are lived. There is no obdurate power or ageless magic just lunatic clichés, gimcrack dialogue and absurd plot twists. This was not compelling, pacey, incisive, compelling and it has no great tension.

There is sexism and existential demise. This was gratuitous. This had no ingenuity. This was generic and wholly unpleasant and full of plodding inauthentic dialogue.

Best Lines:
“Out here where no human being has any business being!”

“I already don’t like.”

“Man’s entitled to that isn’t he?”
Tags: berlin station, constantine(tv), review, salvation, star trek, the exorcist

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