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8 TV Reviews

Babylon 5 (1994-1997) 1x01&1x03

Midnight On The Firing Line
The sheer number of dead and or messed up cast members in this dated looking show is depressing. Garibaldi is xenophobic and this is full of dumb comedy. Michael O’Hare does the opening narration and nobody topped it. Ever. There is exposition. Talia wanders around the C&C. There is foreshadowing. Londo makes jokes about committing genocide on Narns as he and G’Kar brawl in the market. The Narns are painted as baddies. The Vorlorns are creepy. Garibaldi sexually harasses Talia.

Sinclair mentions the terrorist bombing of San Diego and the destruction of the first Mars colony. He also says the Narns are arms dealers. You have to pay for access to jump gates? Londo gets moral backing. There are ill-founded assumptions made about who the baddies are. Sinclair draws a moral line and has moral principles. G’Kar has significant unpopularity. Londo has no remorse for the long campaign of attrition carried out against the Narn.

Ivanova whines about her dead mother. Who no doubt died of being depressed and not being a telepath. Sinclair is profoundly sorrowful. Delenn is a snotty hypocrite. Londo is verbally aggressive and angry and his behaviour is challenging. Delenn watches cartoons with Garibaldi. Was Londo’s nephew ever mentioned again? There is a negative impact and a devastating emotional experience.

What became of the raiders later on in the show? There are false promises, too much drama, repeated negative behaviours, negativity and moaning. Where is the ACLU when telepaths are being locked up and drugged? There is some bad acting. It is a volatile time. Data crystals are waved. People have a shallow understanding of things. Ivanova has a torrent of hatred for Psi Corps. There are lies. What became of Talia’s parents?

Best Lines:
“For 10 years, a man in a grey suit came to the door once a week.”

“Have you ever seen the results?”

Born To The Purple
Londo hangs out at a titty bar on B5. The strippers keep their clothes on. G’Kar hangs out with Londo like 1x01 never happened. G’Kar does a spit take when his new assistant shows up. His assistant only lasted this ep as the actress couldn’t take the prosthetic makeup and contact lens. Londo likes a stripper named Adira who is a slave. So he’s having it off with a victim of sex trafficking and nobody cares about the slavery, sex trafficking or Adira’s consent.

Londo gives Adira Star Laces. Londo and his fellow ambassadors are arrogant idiots of dubious competence. Adira is told to steal Londo’s files. There are morally dubious choices. This was not good. The bug crime lord lurks. This was terrible. Ivanova talks to her father. But not in Russian. Susan is not a Russian name. Exposition is dropped. The baddie is foiled and Adira leaves having been given her freedom. No one cares about sex trafficking or slavery. Londo wants Adira to come back to him. She never would, she’d be murdered and Londo would sign up with the Shadows. Small role, big impact. Stephen Furst lurks as Londo’s bootboy Vir aka the future Emperor.

Best Lines:
“Whispers in the dark.”

“Find you in this establishment.”

“Moon faced assassin of joy.”

Legends Of Tomorrow 4x01

The Virgin Gary
The LOT have to protect the Beatles. Matt Ryan mangles vowels as Constantine. Does Sara know or care that her father is dead? Mick likes Black Sabbath, naturally. Who are these people? Where is their boss?  Sara is an idiot. What about Constantine's own show and own city? People lie. Nate meets his parents. Ray and some shrieky woman go to Woodstock. A unicorn that sparkles and has a rainbow tale wanders around killing people. There is lying. There are actors playing famous people, badly. Who is the whiny guy? The unicorn is magicked away. There is SJW whining and this bored. Where is Rip Hunter?

Best Lines:
“Who would want to kill hippies? At Woodstock?”

“Demon loving cult.”

“Twilight Sparkle come to life.”

“A virgin? At Woodstock?”

“You got fired from that online college you conned into hiring you?”

Quantico 3x09-3x10

Fear Feargach
Alex is sad about her adverse birth outcome. Things aren’t tense, ominous, and heavy with threat, chaotic or unpleasant. Season 3 was a grim farce. Shelby is the focus of violent hostility. There are no rational solutions. Civility and decency have broken down. Ryan roars. Shelby had a Syrian boyfriend? Owen babbles about the IRA. Ryan’s driving sentiment is jerkishness. He has no impeccable decency. It’s an awful time. This was torpid. Royal Ulster soldiers are mentioned. Ryan can’t overcome distrust.

How did Devlin get a visa to the work in the USA? There are dodgy Irish accents. Irish people use the wrong pronunciation of the word lieutenant. The FBI doesn’t lock their gun supply lockers and file cabinets. The gang are lazy and dangerous. This ep lacks a coherent or cohesive narrative. Disaster looms. People strike threatening poses. Why does Shelby’s hair look green? People are badly used. It takes endurance to get through this.

There are furious responses and no imminent threat. Jocelyn’s friend Frank is distraught. Cataclysmic events take place. Things get divisive. Irish people eat American bacon. Devlin abuses his son. False imputations are made. There is a bomb. The IRA guys attack the UN with their faces visible. The gang now have the stress of dealing with another’s person’s motivation.

Best Lines:
“Hit. Hard.”

“They all say they’re out.”

“Taken everyone you  love.”

“In my office boy!”

“Ride you like I do.”

No Place Is Home
What about the AIC? Lydia was killed in jail. There is no moral order. It’s an awful time. The gang was warned of the consequences of tangling with Devlin. Jocelyn goes on about a Gaelic symbol. Neo-Nazi undercover guy had a sister and now she’s dead. His name is Mike. It only took 8 eps to realise he is called Mike. IRA types speak English. An Irish woman is in MI5, right sure.

There is racism and Alex talks to her mother for the first time in 4 years. Ryan’s father is a whiner like his son. There is no scrupulosity of conscience. There is no blissfulness from watching this. Shelby has a racist ornament on her front steps. People mention a Treaty, do they mean the Good Friday Agreement?

Harry’s moron sister yaps. This ep is peevish folly. Alex’s mother doesn’t like her. The family members argue. This makes you weary. The gang are sour. There is no moral benefit to this. A stranger shows up. There is no grim humour. This was not plausible. This was damned awful. Doesn’t Jocelyn have family? There is no cool deliberation and an obvious baddie.

What happened to the Owen/Alex hook up? Alex was originally meant to be a man. Season 1 is brought up. When did Alex tong her hair?

Best Lines:
“Don’t talk when I’m shooting boy.”

“Put a beating on this man.”

“I almost died tonight and it was rather traumatising.”

“Why are you covered in blood?”

Arrow 7x02

The Longbow Hunters
Oliver takes exception to a guard’s moral outrage at him and gets him fired. I detest Oliver. The man is obsessed with Felicity and William, shame he never cared about Tommy so much. This show has tonal issues. Oliver has a ‘friend’ in jail who treats him with extreme reverence. Oliver has vengeful triumph. Why are Curtis and Felicity hanging out like nothing happened?

Felicity is a dumb bitch who overlooks the fact Oliver deserves to be in jail. In the future William says Felicity and Oliver abandoned him, of course they did. Felicity has dismissive and ignorant opinions and rails against sense. Felicity has no track record of social service. Curtis acts like a child. This was incoherent, unfocused and a bore. The Longbow Hunters show up.

Felicity is an irritant. Dinah and Black Siren hang out. Felicity is mean spirited and unpleasant. This is not fetid brilliance. Felicity causes devastating consequences. What happened to Thea? Felicity is shrieky and demanding. Vinnie Jones growls. Why is Felicity allowed to stomp around ARGUS? Diggle doesn’t want to be the Green Arrow anymore. Felicity sabotages a mission. Diaz bores. Everyone fawns over Felicity and excuses all her crap. William finds a message in a bow. Where’s the new Green Arrow? This is all sap and lies and Oliver is detestable.

Best Line:
“Maybe all you’ve done is make things worse.”

True Horror: The Witches’ Prison
Michelle Ryan stars in this Halloween special of the Channel 4 docu-drama series. A woman moves into a house where accused witches were imprisoned. She sees odd things and suddenly has a baby. She was obviously having mental health issues and not being haunted. Where was her social worker and health visitor? This was ridiculous.

Best Line:
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”

Star Trek 2x01

Amok Time
Spock tantrums and yells about light days and wants to go home to Vulcan. McCoy sneers. Spock has blue balls and needs to go home to mate. His shirt rides up. Chekov wears a wig. McCoy seems to have no idea of alien physiology. How did Amanda cope with Pon Farr? ‘Enterprise’ and ‘Voyager’ did sleazy Pon Farr episodes. This episode demonstrates the degree to which Spock’s temper can be provoked and how he can deflect discussion.

How is the Pon Farr ceremony deemed reasonable? Spock punches a rubber console. Apparently DC Fontana does not like the fact that fans have seen K/S subtext in this ep since it originally aired. McCoy’s acerbic takedowns annoy. McCoy and Kirk witness the cultural phenomena of Pon Farr up close. Spock has wild thoughts and shrugs off constraints and escapes accountability.

Spock considers Kirk as his closest friend and invites him down to Vulcan. Oh and McCoy comes too. Spock’s intended T’Pring shows up as does T’Pau, who is the ruler of Vulcan or something. T’Pau mumbles and stares. T’Pring is evil and doesn’t want Spock and sets up him and Kirk to fight because she wants Stonn. Spock is unhappy he throttled Kirk during the ancient ritualistic pageantry. He’s easily forgiven for the strangling.

Best Lines:
“It is undignified for a woman to play servant to a man who is not hers.”

“You’re not a fish Mr Spock.”

Z Nation 5x04

There are candles and DNA sealed in glass slides in the apocalypse. 10k is resentful of Red and doesn’t know what to do now he can’t use a gun anymore. Citizen Z’s wife and kid show up. Zombies who don’t know they are zombies lurk. People judge other people for not trusting talkers. There are anti-Trump SJW digs. Where is Pandora? Dante appears to be a bad guy. This was boring and even more boring new characters show up. There are rapacious zombies in this unattractive reality.

Best Lines:
“Last generation of humans.”

“Remember what we dreamed of here.”

“A long time to know someone in the apocalypse.”

The Exorcist (2016-2018) 1x01

And Let My Cry Come Unto Thee
Geena Davis and Alan Ruck star in this TV series sequel to the movie that ignores the sequels and prequel(s). This was inspired by the daffy William Peter Blatty novel. A creepy homeless guy and ominous birds lurk. Some people have odd eyeballs. Angela (Davis) is devout and her husband (Ruck) is sick or something. Angela’s parish priest is hot. Angela thinks her snotty slutty looking daughter is in danger from a demon.

Meanwhile a rational priest and an iconoclastic priest clash over a failed exorcism. There are creepy images, a possessed child and the hot priest is being manipulated by forces unknown. There is a reveal and Tubular Bells plays. This was good.

Best Lines:
“That’s what you said the first time.”

“The church has places for those who would disobey a direct order.”

“You’re afraid.”
“Yeah, you should be too.”
Tags: arrow, babylon 5, legends of tomorrow, quantico, review, star trek, the exorcist, z nation

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