epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: The Shrine + Olympus Has Fallen + Don’t Blink + Prom Night + 1 other

The Shrine (2010)
2 reporters and 1 whiny boyfriend (Aaron Ashmore of ’Warehouse 13’, ’Smallville’ and ’Veronica Mars’) go to ‘Poland’ to look into missing tourists which has a significant negative impact on them. There is a slow realisation by charisma-deprived actors that the excessively private villagers have a secret. The 3 over-earnest people think they have expertise in reporting. The ‘Polish’ village seems stuck in the 19th century. The unfriendly locals, a mysterious fog and a weird statue all add up to boredom.

The 3 idiots face evil and yokels causing inconvenience in this properly odd plot which has no brave originality and which is only barely endurable. It’s dreadful, dreadful and atrocious. Also it’s badly lit. There are no major implications. A 60s Italian horror is ripped off. One feels disapproval for this. The idiots uncover a public security crisis that is never ending. Hate and misinformation fly.

This does not distinguish itself and does not make you deeply uncomfortable. This is not brutal, sprawling or complex just opaque. Unstable minds unravel. This was not interesting or healthy as fractious people yell. Persistent grim warnings are ignored and total chaos unfolds. There is no mounting despair. Belligerent indifferent locals have points of friction with the interlopers.

This is not emotive. People are gripped by hopelessness and an impasse is reached. There is a twist. This film does not have a fearsome reputation. The reckless idiots get what they have coming.

Best Line:
“Curse left here on our land from long ago. It cannot be undone.”

~
Olympus Has Fallen (2013)
Mike (Gerard Butler) is MANLY and on the Presidential detail for POTUS Ben Asher (Aaron Eckhart). Then he gets kicked off the Presidential guard when the First Lady (Ashley Judd) dies and Ben no like him anymore. Dylan McDermott, Morgan  Freeman, Angela Bassett, Robert Forster, Melissa Leo and Rick Yune also star.

Mike finds real purpose and Ben likes him again when the White House is overrun by North Koreans lead by Yune. They are absolutely horrible bad guys. Ben is routinely terrorised and needs Mike to save him. There are a lack of sympathetic characters in this. Mike runs from the Treasury and into the burning White House when the baddies attack. Naturally Mike will win the bitterly fought fight as he is a right wing hard nut who likes stabbing baddies.

The usually unremarkable POTUS and his boring son broods. Where was the son in the sequel? Mike heaps insult, ridicule and contempt onto the baddies. The malevolent head baddie kills people. This was divorced from reality. Absolutely awful and insulting bad things happen. There is gunfire and baddies are a constant irritant. This was competent as epically awful things happen.

US flags flap dramatically, Leo wears a terrible wig, Mike runs toward danger to save the day and a dog chews on someone. McDermott is a baddie who rants at Ben and is an idiot. Mike is ex Special Forces. Mike sits at the desk in the Oval Office with a massive gun while uttering hard nut dialogue. The baddies plan to trigger a secret US weapon. The kid is annoying. Mike is violent. There is overacting, unreasonable baddies and the POTUS is absolutely useless. Mike seems to have a violent disorder. The First Lady’s death was not poignant. This is dreadful on an enormous scale.

There is no pathos. Ben is an enraging character as well as the least engaging one. The plot is entirely predicable; Mike shows why he was in an elite close protection unit. The baddie has extreme anger. Mike has to carry the consequences of other people’s idiotic choices. Mike kills a guy with a bust of Lincoln. Of course McDermott was a bad guy, he smokes! How did the baddie find out about the secret weapon? Mike finally gets gratitude. This was okay. Mike and Ben are total best buds again by the end - you can read the fanfic on AO3. This has entertaining merits but not prophetic authority.

Best Lines:
“Punch you in the nuts!”

“They’ve taken the White House!”

“You don’t actually do yourself any favours.”

“They wiped us out.”

“Is he alive?”
“Ask me a serious question.”

“Got a plan Mike?”
“It hasn’t worked out so far.”

“Half the White House is just gone.”

“Nuclear hardened.”

“Sorry about the House sir.”

“You can’t let him leave.”
“He won’t.”

“Your country will be a cold dark nuclear wasteland.”

“We lost Korea and now our nukes?!?”

“Stick my knife through your brain.”

~
Don’t Blink (2014)
Brian Austin Green of ‘The Sarah Connor Chronicles’ and Mena Suvari and Joanne Kelly of ‘Warehouse 13’ slum in this sub-par horror. There is no loving concern as people are missing and ominous messages are ignored. This seems to be ripping off ‘Doctor Who’ and ‘Phantoms’. There is hysteria and a bizarre ending.

~
Prom Night (2008)
A remake that nobody asked for. Idris Elba is in this. A girl who had a killer stalker gets ready for her prom. The Hannah Anderson like ‘heroine’ is unaware the crazy stalker (who was her teacher) has escaped from the loony bin. Idris Elba drops exposition. There are BS scares and stupidity and murders and general ineptness.

Best Line:
"What's to care about?"

"If he were any dumber, I'd have to water him."

~
Shriek If You Know What I did Last Friday The 13th (2000)
Okay.
Tags: missing, movie review, prison break, sarah connor chronicles, smallville, veronica mars, warehouse 13
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