epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: IslandOfTerror+ Ouija: Origin Of Evil +Hush+TheWitches+They Came From Beyond Space

Island Of Terror (1966)
Peter Cushing stars (briefly) in this ‘horror’ set on an island off Ireland. Scientists do stuff that cause catastrophic risks to unfold in this pointless film. There is a pervasive negative association with science. This was not even vaguely terrifying as dead bodies with no bones show up on an island.

A bimbo totty shows up. The unsaid expectation was that this would suck and it did. There is no sound reason for this film to exist. Empty rhetoric is spewed. Rubber monsters attack. One is killed by an axe that is lying around for no clear reason. Noodles seem to ooze out of the dead creature. If they’re on an island off Ireland - why does no one speak Irish?

People head out with shotguns to kill the rubber monsters. The downer ending is good but it’s not enough to save this dreck. This was utterly, manically, furiously stupid. It was not unforgettably weird. Cushing must preserve liberty from extinction. This was made with laxness. The rubber monsters slither demonically. This was soul crushingly awful. ‘Radiation’ suits look like rubber bags and why is there a castle on an island that has a nuclear reactor in its basement? The creatures did dreadful things and they had an intrinsically nasty side.

Best Lines:
“Tries to break up the pub.”

“Horrible mush!”

“I’ll give her a sedative.”
“God knows she’ll need it.”

“Nasty little creatures aren’t they?”

“They’ll send everything!”

“Gave life to some kind of organism.”

They don’t seem to be moving very fast.”

Ouija: Origin Of Evil (2016)
This is an okay prequel set in 1967. A fake medium and her bratty teenager daughter and dumb tween don’t realise they are living in a house full of ghosts until it is way too late. The tween gets possessed. People are complete idiots with no morals or sense of restraint. A doomed priest tries to help and the ending is dark.

Best Lines:
“Ask your last question.”

“The rest is the business of the living.”

“Require discouragement.”

“Not to make bad decisions.”

“Do not believe every spirit.”

“She told me the most wonderful awful things.”

Hush (2016)
A deaf woman is bothered by a home invasion committed by a serial killer. This film was purposefully ignored for a reason. It’s boring. The deaf woman lives with her cat in a remote house in the woods. Silence can be a killer. The deaf woman is a novelist who can’t hear her phone, her alarm or her friend being murdered two feet behind her. The serial killer torments the deaf woman.

He turns off her wifi and sabotages her car. She gives him the chance to leave but he takes off his mask and it’s on. She tries to figure out what to do in a scene that the movie version of ‘Gerald’s Game’ ripped off. She kills the killer and saves herself and her cat. A sinister concept is wasted in this lurid annoyance. Michael Trucco of ‘V’ and ‘Battlestar Galactica’ has a cameo.

Best Lines:
“Do not want.”

“Isolation happened to me.”

“I can come in anytime I want.”

The Witches (1966)
Joan Fontaine stars in this Hammer horror. She’s a teacher and she is told about child abuse and she treats it as a joke and she sabotages a boy’s chance at a future and says women didn’t invent anything. I hate the woman. She learns the village is full of witches and interferes. Another woman gets hysterical. The wicked head witch is revealed and it’s camp crap. Oh and there is dancing. Lots and lots of dancing. The book is better.

Best Line:
“You’re trying to upset me!”

They Came From Beyond Space (1967)
This has exposition, aliens, 60s wah wah music and the aliens possess people. Their evil plans can be foiled with what looks like a colander. People in silly outfits live on the moon, it’s like  worse ‘Inhumans’. People plan to dispose of plague victims on the moon or something. The aliens want slave labour. Then the film just ends. This was moronic.

Best Lines:
“Have you ever known meteors to land in formation?”

“What about your doctor?”
“Tell him I got better!”

“I’m quite aware that you’re there.”

“Master of the moon!”

“We needed weapons. Many of them.”
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