epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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epiphany_maria

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Movie Reviews: Mammoth+Don’tBeAMenaceToSouthCentral While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood+ 4 others

Mammoth (2006)
Summer Glau, Vincent Ventresca and Tom Skerritt star in this dreck. There is no dread or desperation as a mammoth in a museum comes to life. There are no thematic undercurrents or ironic counterparts. Nothing is re-contextualised. Cheap looking aliens bring the mammoth to life. This was howlingly bad. This was not emotionally shattering or melancholic. People are not ultra controlled. This was repulsively stupid and trite viewing. What is the NRO? This was incoherent and stupid.

Best Lines:
“Did you do something illegal?”
“Not this time.”

~
Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood (1996)
This was a funny spoof of hood movies and featured Bernie Mac. A man and his father live on Drive By Blvd. The man and his friends have various funny mishaps that involve swearing, guns, women and tragicomedy and reckless behaviour. The hero meets a woman with 7 kids. The Man hangs out and this was funny.

Best Lines:
“No positive black females in these movies.”

“Ten dollar food stamp.”

“Selling drugs, pimping women or working security for Eddie Murphy.”

“Doing nothing as usual.”

“What do you say when you meet a nice man?”
“Are you my daddy?”

“Malt liquor slurpee.”

“US government cheese.”

“Where’d you learn to use a gun”?
“Cartoons and hood movies.”

~
Smokey And The Bandit (1977)
Brazenly ridiculous trash.

~
Constantine (2005)
Naff.

~
Callas Kennedy Onassis: Two Queens For A King (2018)
A talky documentary about the love triangle between a Greek oil tycoon and Jackie Kennedy and Maria Callas. This was profoundly irritating.

Best Line:
“Better than famous.”

~
Wyrmwood Road Of The Dead (2014)
A violent Australian zombie horror that is utterly terrible and inept.

Best Lines:
“Shot my wife and child with a nail gun.”

“I just had to chop off Sherry’s head with a goddam shovel!”
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