epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

  • Music:

6 TV Reviews

The Crossing 1x03

Pax Americana
The Apex has no concept of reasonable accommodation. I don’t care about her eternal loneliness - she needs moral censure. She expresses no remorse for killing not-we. A time traveller with an angry frown has emphatic hated of the Apex. There is no coherent view on what this show is. People shrug off doom-laden forecasts of the future. Jude and his son are dumb.

The Apex hunter (from ‘The Practice’) isn’t too smart either. People mumble and whine about unsustainable levels of social change and a society’s right to defend its distinctive values and way of life. This was over-convoluted. The Apex has volatility. People think the time travellers have made false assertions and have forfeited the right to have their ideas taken seriously. This was of no consequence.

The blonde time traveller, Hannah, is an Apex collaborator. Some working class dude has an unwelcoming attitude. The Apex has an unwelcoming attitude and otherworldly indifference. To keep watching this show, I want characters I actually care about. People are thuggish and ignorant. The Apex is a malign influence. She tries for atmospheric staring. This was unsatisfactory.

I am not intrigued by the possibilities. Jude’s ex-wife is a doctor who specialises in vaccines and quarantines. She has unyielding ambition and is impassive. This is not a coherent plot. Hannah is an opportunistic twit. There is no reasonable care or moral jurisdiction. Hannah somehow knows the working class yobo. The Apex has no eternal shame. The desperately unhappy moppet’s whining is not conductive to caring.

The Apex applies consequences. This was cataclysmically boring and stupid. The Apex hasn’t done renunciation of her murderous ways. She’s vindictive and shrugged off the autocracy she was a part of. There was no serious discussion of the significant threats or Apex doing social clearances. Jude is not a raconteur.

Best Lines:
“No-one is immune!”

“Mass delusion.”

“What they used to do to people like you.”

“No questions no consequences.”

“He wasn’t too happy, can’t say I blame him.”

Star Trek 3x21&3x22

The Cloud Minders
Kirk and Spock visit Stratos city, a floating city full of next to no use people. There are fight scenes and Kirk acting crazy. The citizens of Stratos exploit miners who have revolted. A woman falls out of her dress. The elites exploit the poor. Kirk acts like a creepy perv. People blather about filter masks. The miner is waxed. The planet has a completely different society from UFP ideals. There are not many consequences to Kirk’s latest idiocy. There is a Federation Bureau of Industrialisation. There are inciters, incitement, moral corruption and downright hostility in this moronic ep.

Best Lines:
“Repair permit.”

“That is their function.”

“Go to your music.”

“Without a transport card.”

The Savage Curtain
An alien pretending to be Abraham Lincoln floats in outer space in a chair like in his memorial, he exists and speaks in vacuum. World War 3 villain Colonel Green shows up. He would also feature (briefly) in a ‘Star Trek: Enterprise’ ep. Surak, Genghis Khan and Kahless also show up. They’re all illusions created by rock aliens to test out the concept of good and evil. This is not a favourite of mine. Green has a bad historical reputation.

This was okay. Kirk doesn’t know Surak and Surak’s name is pronounced oddly. The rock aliens plot. Kirk and Spock have to fight the sociopathic tyrants. There are bad fight scenes and Kirk unrelentingly accepts crap. He makes a speech and the rock alien looks ridiculous.

Best Lines:
“You may go in peace.”

“How many others have you done this to?”

“Check my reality.”

"I cannot concede it possible.”

“The father of all we became.”

“Father of all we now hold true.”

“A mass of dying flesh.”

Scream 1x10&2x01

The killer can control phones and Kieran acts suspiciously. There is no compelling requirement to keep watching. Disastrous decisions are made. There is no balancing perspective. Emma is a moron. The killer has spite and venom. The sheriff dies. Noah bumbles. Who is caring for Brooke? Where did Audrey’s costume go? Seth runs to Brooke. Stupidity is a systematic problem. This show is in serious and persistent breach of logic. There is a demonstrable deficit of intelligence. Brooke is in peril.

Where are the cops as a horrific massacre unfolds in Brooke’s house? Where did Kiernan’s costume go? Emma and Noah are morons. Why did Kiernan not have his dad as his guardian? The dysfunctional idiots engage in unacceptable, contradictory acts as well as bad acting. Who instigated all this? There is an aversion to sense. I don’t feel general fondness for this. Why isn’t Audrey dead?

Emma has no conscientiousness or investment. She’s not tender, well-rounded or functional or a benevolent influence. She’s not caring, independent or robust. The killer is revealed. The Brandon James subplot makes no sense. The killer is the most terrible of all enfants terrible and is totally useless. What was the surprise the killer promised? There is unhinged behaviour. People become stupider. The killer behaves in a very cruel and unexpected ways. People make plans for the future and suddenly they had no way to escape from the killer.

The reveal of the killer makes no real sense. This was gruesome. There is now wilder mayhem. Who attacked Piper and Will? Audrey has secrets. Emma and Kieran have erotic drama after she shoots the killer in the head. This had no satisfying story arc.

Best Lines:
“Where the hell are my actual fiends?”

“You’re the survivor girl.”

“A big ill-advised Halloween dance.”

“People generally suck.”

“Big ass guns and body armour and SWAT teams.”

“I wanna throw up.”

“Convince you he’s trustworthy.”


“Thick, viscous red wine.”

“You survived. Twice.”

“A landline? What is this? 1996?”

“You psychotic bitch.”

“Bitch talks too much.”

“Classic showdown at the lake.”

“Make a change for good.”

“Confessed to her crimes to classic villain fashion.”

I Know What You Did Last Summer
Season 2 begins as a bimbo is in peril. She calls her cat Butterscotch. It turns out to be a movie within the TV show. Audrey is the subject of a prank. What happened to Emma after 1x10? This was not daringly minimal. There were no memorable conversations. There are unresolved conflicts. There are no chilling moments.

A dumb bitch annoys. Audrey hangs out with the popular people. Another killer is on the loose. Jake is in peril via a scythe. Ha ha ha. Emma had a meltdown and she and Kieran broke up. Emma has a frustrating habit of being stupid. I’m done with this show. The new sheriff is played by Anthon Ruvivivar of ‘Traveler’. There are plot convolutions and this was utterly baffling and tonally bewildering. There are toxic friendships. This was pointless and not unfairly maligned. Emma gets menacing calls.

Audrey is imperious. Noah is ludicrously gauche. They bore. Audrey is disdainfully treated. Why isn’t Emma’s mother connecting with her? Emma has endured the season 1 killer’s cruelties. There is gross insensitivity and Emma’s mother reaction to the reveal of the season 1 killer isn’t shown. This was all overpowering nothingness. Jake had social determinism. One long felt negative sentiment to him and it is absurd that it took so long for him to be killed off.

The school building looks different. The new sheriff’s son is creepy. Various new characters run around. Kiernan is a high school student?!? He looks 28! This was unimpeded by sense. Noah is a target for anger. Tensions rise. This was not substantive, just woefully inadequate. There are no remedial measures. This was all absurdity. One wants TPTB to puncture the presumptuousness. One responds with contempt to this. There are blatant fabrications.

Best Lines:
“Hot but dumb.”

“All the murder stuff.”

“Screw you stupid lock.”

“We’re all final girls in Lakewood.”

“There was no accomplice!”

“You wanted to see the creepy barn.”

“The broken girl.”

“Audrey just broke the internet. Again.”

“Gawky comic relief guy.”

Bates Motel (2013-2017) 1x01

First You Dream, Then You Die
This is a ‘Psycho’ prequel that shows how Norman’s poor behaviour developed. How does it tie in with the 4 movies? This is all exaggeration, irony and ridicule as crimes with no reasonable defence take place. This was all cliché and it leads to inevitable and predictable outcomes. This does not motivate one to watch more. Norman is all self criticism.

This is updated to the modern day. Norman and his mother Norma (Vera Farmiga of ‘The Conjuring‘) buy the very familiar looking Seafarer Motel. Norma has sick thinking and does not help her son. This is a low skill, low productivity economy. Norman’s cowed by Norma. He’s not a serious threat yet. There is something bizarre going on in town that nobody seems to notice.

Who could conceivably imagine that people would watch this for 5 seasons? Is Norman impeccably hostile to women’s sexuality and ambition yet? Norman’s disconcerting. One rushes to moral judgement. There are serious implications to Norman from his mother’s smoothing and cloying affection. She’s chaotic and this positions itself (sorta convincely) as classy. Norman has no moral embrace. This is like strawberry cream cheese - you don’t want to know.

Norma is platitudinous and engages in inadequate behaviour. This was paltry. The title card is so so. Olivia Cooke and Nicola Peltz co star. Norman has a brother. Norman is deceptively causal. A friendly teacher (Kegan Connor Tracey of ‘Jake 2.0’) tries to help Norman who is disconsolate and wistful. The local sheriff (Nestor Carbonell of ‘Lost’ and ‘Cane’) looks mean.

TPTB aren’t keen on subtlety. Norman is presented as basically nice. This was bafflingly dull and it wasn’t horribly gripping. There is no
obvious narrative direction. The former motel owner does tragic grandstanding which escalates from cantankerous to threatening. Norma does lacerating critiques of her son. This is just about believable. Norma tries for magisterial but is wonky.

The former motel owner plots some dark scheme. Norma is strident. There is no cold dread. Norma kills someone. This was not forcefully imaginative. Norma lies. There is no greater sense of realism. I’m sure things will get more horrendously worse. The sheriff does not notice a body. Norma negatively impacts on her son due to her callousness and wilfulness. Norman finds a notebook and does too much staring.

Best Lines:
“We own a motel Norman Bates.”

“Built that motel in the 50s.”

“Call the police! I go fishing with half of them.”

“Ruin us.”

“No one’s ever going to help Norman! No one’s ever helped us!”

Insatiable 1x12

Very Bad Things Happen
Stella-Rose and Roxy have underlying malice and are competently evil and have incredulous joy in their evil. Bob is unfathomably interested in having sex with Evil Bob’s bitchily disdainful ass. Sense is woefully ignored. Brick and Nonnie walk in on the threesome. Bob has only a glancing interest in his fretful son. There is no ironic nastiness or energetic sweetness. One is increasingly irritated by this show’s un-hilariously grim routine.

People have sardonic worldviews. This was not scintillating, whimsical or evocative as Patty heads into the spiralling final act. Roxy and Stella-Rose are charmingly, sociopthcially brazen. Patty aims above her means. One watches fascinated and appalled. This was not relentlessly entertaining. Nobody has a willingness to self-improve. Magnolia is co Miss Magic Jesus. Regina lives in a box.

Stella-Rose is crazy. What did Patty do to her? Bob doesn’t care about Patty. He is sexually giving but is an illustrative example of revocable relationships and screaming. This ep is not a pivotal moment. There is no level of despair. I hate Bob on a personal and professional level. There is a touch of ordeal about watching this terrible ep. Where’s Magnolia? Patty’s been treated appallingly and that maltreatment causes a reaction.

The threeway isn’t harmonious. This was not comfortingly silly or absurdly fantastical. This has no arresting ambiguities. Patty batters Christian. Now what? Oh who cares? This was RENEWED?!?

Best Lines:
“Destined for disaster.”

“Wanted Bob dead.”

“Amazing what you can pick up at Wal-Mart.”

“I’m a terrible person.”

“You can’t hunt a wiener.”

“The higher the hair, the closer to god.”

“Go like now.”

“Stalker Texas ranger.”

“Taking life tips from someone who lives in a cardboard box.”

“I will never let you be happy.”

“Pick me too.”

“Is she dead?”
“Not yet.”

“You’re the villain!”

“Will not be the third wheel in my own marriage!”

A Discovery Of Witches (2018) 1x01
A witch who can’t act finds a magic book in Oxford as a vampire (Matthew Goode) who is full of ill-disguised satisfaction stalks her. There is nothing subtle about this profound failure. There is no compelling incentive to care about this. All the characters have unyielding obliviousness. Goode is all blistering alpha-male swaggering sourness. The witch is useless and flighty and I’m done.
Tags: lost, review, scream(tv), star trek, the crossing

Comments for this post were disabled by the author