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Movie Reviews: Holidays, part 2+The Autopsy Of Jane Doe+Regression+End Of The World + 5 others

Holidays (2016), part 2

St Patrick’s Day
This Irish short sees kids watch a video of Saint Patrick throwing snakes into the sea. There are tragic consequences to a teacher getting knocked up. This is not undoubtedly sincere. There is body horror. There are snakes, a rubber monster and no great ambitions here. Sense is actively encouraged. This concludes floridly.

Best Line:
“Magical whore.”

An annoying kid yammers. This was unhindered by sense. This fails to capture the texture of most people’s lives. This was not a good narrative experience as it is morally flawed, overly simplistic and full of stilted dialogue. This has a nasty streak. No wonder this movie was not widely noticed. There are chicks, eggs, body horror and blasphemy. There is utter disregard for logic. This was not meaningful. A new Easter bunny is created and there is a plummet in interest.

Best Lines:
“Ever, ever again.”

“Like a scary version of ET.”

Mother’s Day
A woman’s knocked up again.  This is not urgent or compelling as she falls into the hands of a fertility cult. There is no moral status just an irritating woman who is operating from a place of fear. A cult has unbridled ambition and a lack of scruples. This movie is worse than ‘Necronomicon’. The woman is knocked up and she doesn’t want a baby. She calls for help. There are concerning implications. There is a genuinely unsettling ending as something is born. The final image is creepy. The cult had sinister motives and ritualised objectifications.

Best Lines:
“My family won’t talk to me.”

“You are a gateway!”

“The more you accept it, the easier it’ll be.”

Father’s Day
An old cassette tape gives a woman a message from her father. The creepy ass tape leads her on a Lovecraftian adventure. The woman goes hysterical. The tape predicts future events and she doesn’t find this creepy as her father spews folksy charm on the tape. She wanders a desolate town and there is a reveal and this is deeply tragic.

Best Line:
“He’s a good looking stick.”

A dude-bro who wears a t-shirt that reads Haver Of Pussy on the front and Pussy-Haver on the back makes porn. He has 3 porno actresses working for the nakedly corrupt fool. There is no credibility. The dude wants his skanks to keep him in beard oil. He may be a sex-trafficker. The 3 porno stars turn on the abusive tool in a flurry of bad acting. Their testy relationship was largely hostile to begin with. The hostile circumstances get worse. The thoughtless twit gets sexual violence inflicted on him. What kind of door allows a knife to be slid under it? This was not overwhelmingly positive. There is blood and distress is caused. This was written and directed by Kevin Smith. This was sleazy, quick and bitter.

Best Lines:
“The women before you.”

“Always be camming bitches!”

“I don’t wanna!”
“Well you’re gonna!”

Seth Green stars in this. People want a UVU, which is the most have Christmas toy. This was all emptiness. A mean dude gets the last UVU in the shop, then he keels over and as he lies dying, Green steals the UVU. He has no shame or remorse. He does have a shrew wife. It is a critical and dangerous time. Green has manifest unfitness to be around his family. UVU is like VR TV. You put on the UVU and it decides what to show you based on your history.

Green is incontestably threatening as he puts on the UVU and sees a debased sex slave and then the memories of the man he didn’t help. He has no moral dignity. This is causally sexist. The wife is turned on by his dodgy values and dodgier acts. This was campy and disdainful. He learns from the UVU that his wife killed her vile skinflint boss with an electric knife whilst wearing hooker heels. This was tawdry and not important or urgent. The UVU shows you, you.

Best Line:
“Tired of being nice.”

New Year’s
An abuser bothers a woman. There is a tooth obsession and no highly complex issues. This was crude and for cynical viewers. Furious and irrational things burst through the social skin. The erratic creep discovers his latest target is worse than him. This was of intermittent interest. The creepy gets an axe to the head. This was not measured and had no intensity.

Best Line:
“Made me sound all pervy.”

The Autopsy Of Jane Doe (2016)
A father and son’s funeral home gets a mysterious body delivered. They autopsy the body which ignores scientific laws. There is a cat and a revival. Weird things are a predictor of bad outcomes. The 2 forensic guys have a hyper work ethic. There is an unflinching dedication to weirdness. This movie has a demand for attention. The body turns out to have a will not to die.

What is the moral responsibility of the dead woman? She arrives menacing. She was found in the basement of a house. The people in the house died trying to break out. The autopsy reveals creepy details. There are numerous shots of the naked dead woman. Who treated the dead woman with callous indifference?

This was not poignantly sad. The dead woman faced deep-rooted animosity from extraordinarily conservative people. A shocking level of violence was inflicted on her by people with general conservative norms. How does she have a tattoo on the inside of her skin? This was maddeningly compelling. There is justified outrage and sincere intentions and forced intensity. This was visceral and did the dead woman deserve the absolute condemnation and barbaric acts and equivocal moral judgement she was subjected to?

This film got profound and enduring admiration from reviewers. There is constant nudity and no room for nuance or accountability. Brian Cox is not given to high drama as the possible dead witch has no interest in contrition or repentance. One has disinterest in the son. This has unrelenting impact. The witch has malign influence and narrative twists. This has perverse and effective grace and no moral fastidiousness.

Things get chaotic and dysfunctional in the funeral home with significant impact for the father and son. The dead body has troubling impacts and it carries on a malicious campaign toward the living. Was she really so vile, so foul and so execrable? Someone hated her so intensely. The father and son are deprived of solace. There are anguished responses. The world they took for granted, the structure that underlies reality, is shattered. There is tenacious tension.

Regression (2015)
Ethan Hawke and Emma Watson star in this true story about the satanic panic and sexual abuse. It all turns out to be a lie spread by an evil liar (Watson).

Best Line:
“Satanists are here. Living among us.”

End Of The World (2013)
Greg Grunberg of ‘Heroes’ stars alongside Brad Dourif in this spoof. The ‘hero’ (Grunberg) has an awful cousin and a whining girlfriend and some disposable annoying friends. He runs a video store and is a prepper. Something happens and the crucial activity is to survive. The whiny bitch girlfriend’s prevailing attitude is to be a whiny bitch.

The hero’s dick cousin refuses to acknowledge the event’s severity. There’s deep panic and their paranoid instinct was right. This was irreverent at first and then just got annoying. The cousin is an utterly disgrace who bemoans the jovial hero. There is technobabble and a character named Doc Brown. There is death and the irritating cousin is distasteful and causes damaging results and mumbling.

The bitch girlfriend is a dumb bitch. The cousin is an incel into toxic masculinity as he is endlessly disappointed by life. The plot gets stupider. Nobody does a committed, dignified performance. This is execrable by the end. This was okay at first but turns insufferable. The hero has cringing difference to his room. This was not even half-sane absurdity. It’s full of ludicrous sequences and reasonably simple idiots.

Best Lines:
“Apocalypse bags.”

“Rogue space debris.”

“The dude form ‘Heroes’ in awesome in this.”

“Just like ‘2012’! I knew it!”

“Serious creative thought.”

“Fire volcano.”

“Planetary debris shield.”

Dark Feed (2013)
Isn’t this ‘The Asylum’ under another name? No.

Honeymoon (2014)
Rose Leslie stars in this. Newlyweds go on their honeymoon in a remote cabin in the woods. There is no cause for deep concern right? The wife (Leslie) is ever sex ready. Her husband stumbles around in the dark in this unfocused film. The wife loses her marker of desirability and her behaviour changes. The husband judges his wife for forgetting how to make French toast. This prompts discord. Something malicious is out in the woods.

He judges her for not liking his joke and making erroneous statements. He judges her body. Cue bitter divisions. He’s immediately aggressive. There is soul searching and this was not philosophically provocative. This was dramatically inert. This leaves audience locked out. The husband demands sex. The wife spews word vomit. This has no terrifying potency. He feels an undefined but creeping sense of dread. This was chillingly absurdist.

There is no emotional intelligence as the wife, Bea, acts in spectacularly odd ways. This was mentally undemanding and full of unsubtle premonitions. This was not eerie or compelling. There is wariness as the callow husband wails in a non-mature manner and has no manly patience. This was fantastically charmless and unpleasant and insidiously unsavoury and laughably irrelevant. I don’t care about the couple’s inner emotional lives. This was unpersuasive.

Best Lines:
“Dirty restaurant toilet.”

“Annoyed by no cake.”

“Who needs cell service or internet when you can keep busy watching your favourite VHS tape?”

“How gracious of you husband.”

“My little zombie.”

The Fury (1978)
Brian DePalma directed Kirk Douglas and Amy Irving in this awful awful movie. This was based on a novel by John Farris. People with 70s hair hang out in the Middle East. People start shooting at westerners on a beach. It’s all a scam though. Kirk Douglas gets ANGRY. The plot is unclear like chunks were edited out.

Schoolgirls study in bikinis whilst walking down the street. There is babble about psychics. Kirk Douglas gets shirtless. There are 2 cats in one scene. People run around. Various people are bad because they are bad. Kirk Douglas menaces a family. Logic and sense are conspicuously absent in this below par abomination. There are ugly 1970s clothes and uglier 1970s interior design.

People play an ancient computer game. A bad man with a damaged arm lurks. Here is blood and Kirk Douglas has wrath and his missing son undergoes a bizarre and total personality change for no clear reason. A woman plans to take parcels to the post office but none of them have addressees on them. There is slo-mo during a botched escape.

People get hysterical and commit bizarre acts and utter overwrought dialogue. The son, Robin, is a psychic and an embodiment of toxic masculinity. Robin wears a shit with a collar he could go hang-gliding with. Robin is not worth saving. Kirk Douglas slaps a girl (Irving) who is helping him in the face and tries to intimidate whilst wearing cream flares. Irving is also a psychic but they show up as the plot demands.

Robin (Andre Stevens) falls off a roof, so much for his powers. Kirk Douglas’ character just vanishes. The bad dude (John Cassavetes) is blown up. Dennis Franz shows up as a cop and Daryl Hannah plays a schoolmate of Irving’s. Nobody has a self-reckoning. ESP is the murky unknown. This was not tense or engrossing. Ideologies caused an irreparable rift between friends. Kirk Douglas was increasingly volatile, hateful and hostile. This was not a thoughtful mediation on ESP.

Best Lines:
“Wait till after ‘MASH’ to let them go.”

“Bio-plasmic universe.”

“I don’t matter anyhow.”

“I can make you get up.”

Bed Of The Dead (2016)
A man wants a foursome in a sex club. It goes awry as the bed is made from a tree where satanic rituals were carried out. People die. Human emotion is conspicuously missing. One has disinterest in this. They hallucinate on the bed and are stupidly objectionable acting wilfully against their own interests in this sleazy boredom.

Best Lines:
“Private event space.”

“Smells like stale bread in here.”

Rupture (2016)
Noomi Rapace and Peter Stormare star in this horror. A mother is abducted. A non-drama filled narrative unfolds.

Best Line:
“Something you don’t want brought in.”
Tags: game of thrones, heroes, movie review

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