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7 TV Reviews

Picnic At Hanging Rock 1x06
A teacher is abused by her creepy brother and amid the overacting, they die in a fire. Have Alfred and Mike run off together? This isn’t even worth considering. We see how Mrs Appleyard got her fake name. What is her real one? There are endless flashbacks. Sara is found dead. Sara’s guardian finally shows up. How did Sara die? Mrs Appleyard continues to awfulise things.

This was incontrovertibility terrible. Mrs Appleyard has suspicious and fearful feelings and learns the man she fled from, died before she even set foot in Australia. This isn’t even gratifyingly silly. This has no profound sadness. Miranda and her selfish gratification annoys. Irma was racist to Marion. Mike saw the four girls sleeping on the Rock? Why was Edith left behind? Where did they go? How did Irma get back? What happened to the teacher? They threw their corsets away and took off their clothes. Mrs Appleyard jumps off the Rock. Nothing is explained or makes sense. What is the big deal about a soap tin? What was the point of this? Why was this so bad?

Best Lines:
“Devil’s crucifix!”

“Too busy dying.”

“You got your name off a soap tin.”

“I told the wrong lie.”

Insatiable 1x03&1x04

Miss Bareback Buckaroo
Patty thinks she’s Bob’s soul mate. Bob packs his underwear in tissue paper. Patty is not thriving. There are bizarre utterances and misplaced beliefs. Coralee nags. She used to be teen trash. Patty has no ecosystem of support. She has a vital need to annoy. Bob’s mentor shows up. Patty watches the Miss Bareback Backaroo pageant. A contestant wears a lot of red sequins.

Bob’s nemesis stirs up hatred and has the meanest of motives. This is not seismic. Everyone has moral vacuity. Dixie drives a huge yellow truck of some kind. People have poisonous auras. People gleam with malice. Coralee wears trashy clothes and her trashy sister (Robin Tunney of ’The Craft’ and ’Prison Break’) shows up with her three children. Bob ignores his wife and demonstrates pageant walking.

Patty is unhealthily antagonistic and is incapable of decent living. This was not captivating or thought provoking and just banal. Bob causes irritation. Patty has bravado. There is horse crap. Bob is scathing. This is not an intricately drawn world that they inhabit. Evil Bob lurks. Patty is pliant to Bob. People sext. This does not sing darkly. Evil Bob gets his shirt off. There is a catfight. Patty drinks, isn’t she too young? There are shallow bitches and gunplay and crawfish eating. Bob’s evil mentor (Beverly D’Angelo) cackles.

Best Lines:
“Butt tape.”

“You hillbilly whore.”

“None of my bras fit.”

“How real pageant girls act.”

“Your coach is a diddler.”
“Alleged diddler.”


“Cousin Delilah decided to get re-virginised.”

“She and her crack babies.”

“Pacific rim child.”

“Napoleon bone your parts.”

“I would never say that.”
“You just did.”

“Eating a whole stick of butter in the dark.”

Magnolia hates pageants and quits. Bob plans a pageant. Coralee and Bob have a daughter? There is a gym called Gymacide. Patty doesn’t have rightful anger and ferocity. There is genuine cruelty. I feel waning commitment to this show. Patty’s mother shows up. Patty is of dubious lineage. Coralee is squeezed into spanx. Brick is busted for screwing the town shrew. Coralee sets up a service organisation.

Patty’s mom is a bitch. Nobody has familial duty. There is no incredible energy. Evil Bob resents his wife. Patty competes in her first pageant. Dixie’s mother is arrested for sleeping with Brick. Patty adds to her shame. Coralee shows how shallow and selfish and awful she is. Evil Bob and Ettamae lurk. Evil Bob is known as Hot Bob and Bob is Other Bob. This was okay. Evil Bob dances in tiny gold shorts in a Kylie homage. Patty enacts revenge on Coralee. I so do not care about these shrikes.

Best Lines:
“Since when do you care?”

“What dad?”

“Read a little low class.”

“Fake molesting me.”

“You had sex with the clown.”

“When is it my turn?”

“Patty’s mom is a disaster.”

“I left my bra in the park.”

“Smile pretty.”

“I’m your mom.”
“Could have fooled me.”

“The hickey goes here tattoo.”

“I was conceived in a blackout.”

“Not without my wiener-tacos.”

“4 hard, side of wet!”

“Own misguided alcoholic way.”

“You look really loose to me.”

“A bunch of bitches?”

“Ward of unwanted babies.”

“Anus face wife.”

“That’s a lot less creepy.”

“Found her in a ditch - beat that.”

“General groin area.”

Valor 1x09-1x12

Stay Frosty
Gallo shrugs off the grave nature of his idiocy. Nora makes sparrow faces. A foreseeable crisis is about to ensue due to the major implications of 1x01. A bad ass sniper who looks like Vin Diesel preens. Thea continues to be laughable. Gallo has no positive effect. Nora shrugged off her injury from 1x01. The POW feels he has the moral high ground. I am insatiably curious as to how this ends.

The evil influence of the warlord is felt. There is a flashback. Davis has the spirit of determination. The POW phones home. There is no stress reduction for Jess. Thea has intractability. Davis takes Nora and Gallo hostage. This promotes conversation and is a decisive factor. There are psychosexual difficulties.

How does Davis know Gallo and Nora’s names? Davis claims to have been framed and is in an antic state. There is death and this was okay. Thea is suspicious. Nora had a patch with her blood type printed on it on the arm of her uniform? David bequeaths a videotape. How did Davis’ sister get on base without being arrested or noticed?

Best Lines:
“My parents were big hippies.”

“Yes. Really.”

“Black Hawks have a fuel range of 600 nautical miles.”

“This community will not be forgiving.”

Gallo has a VCR? Nora confesses her insincerity to Ian. Thea is not benevolent. She’s ridiculous. Nora suffers stoically. Thea’s destructive arguments cause harm to be inflicted. Haskins is annoyed. Thea is punitive as she sneers contemptuously. Ian’s stoical resolution cracks. Gallo rages. Davis’ tape shows him babbling. Will Thea shut her fat mouth? Haskins and his wife brood. There is a reveal. This was good. Ian dumps Nora.

Best Line:
“Definition of tragic.”

Command & Control
Nora never told Ian she cheated on him with Gallo in 1x01. Gallo is smug about Ian and Nora’s breakup. He and Nora do not create possibilities. There are fictive solutions to the POW’s plight. Jess and her son are pariahs. The loyalty of Thea’s boss is questioned. Ian has ended up bitter toward Nora. No one cares. Poor Ian. Jess is broke. Nora is not regretful.

I HATE Gallo. It’s a shame this was axed. This show entertained. Jess gets blowback for breaking the continuing duty of confidentiality. Gallo whines about crisis decisions and how his interpretation of their experience is correct. The socially inept Gallo has strikingly obvious issues. Who is the primary enemy? Gallo shows off his unsuitability.

Ian moves on. I am enjoying this story of the social and emotional aspects of special ops life. This was okay. Gallo rubs his relationship with a dead woman in the face of the man he stole her from. Gallo is rude and abusive to Nora so she shags him. Gallo is B+ blood type as revealed by his uniform sleeve. I detest Gallo.

Best Lines:
“No fail mission.”

“Mission critical.”

“A history of travel to terrorist states.”

“If you’re in debt, you can lose your security clearance.”

Oscar Mike
They pray before the big rescue mission. Ian’s father died in the 1993 WTC attack. The POW is menaced. His captors have wifi. There is bad VFX. Nora and Gallo crash in Somalia, again. There is an underlit gunfight. Gallo’s shot. DIE! DIE! DIE! There is a twist regarding Olivia the translator. There is a reveal and a tiny dirty bomb. Olivia infiltrates. The warlord has a point. The POW kills the warlord. Nora and Gallo’s helicopter was shot down from the inside without anyone noticing. This was good.

Best Line:
“We don’t get another chance after this.”

Star Trek 2x25

Bread And Circuses
The Enterprise visits a planet which was previously visited by a stardrive vessel. What is that? Spock calls Kirk “Jim” and Kirk says the Academy has a 5th year, which it doesn't. The planet is Earth like. Kirk wears his bright green wraparound top. Uhura wears hoop earrings. TV does not exist in the ‘TOS’ era. The aliens speak English and adhere to the precepts of Ancient Rome. Why is McCoy so rude and abrasive? The Prime Directive is discussed.

An agrarian sect known as the Children Of The Sun opposes the Roman ways. There is a twist at the end of the ep regarding them which is the most memorable thing about this ep. The twist is that they don’t worship the sun but the son, the son of god. Which raises a whole lot of other questions, which they don’t dwell on.

The captain of the stardrive vessel turned on his crew and sent them to arena so he could live the good life in the Roman Empire. Spock says space academy not Starfleet Academy. The mean evil captain plans to send Kirk, Spock and McCoy to the gladiator fights. The Romans are not of virtuous disposition. This was not good. There is inveterate malice.

The evil captain is sneered at by Romans. He is evil with unusual stringency. He and the Romans are held in small account. Kirk is ill-pleased and makes little effort to hide his discontent. He must avert farther despair. There is fighting and no decency or respect. The evil captain is contemptible. I didn’t care.

Best Lines:
“No sign of atomic power as yet.”

“Treasonable disobedience by well treated, well protected intelligent slaves.”

“Arena slaves.”

“Ordered to please you.”

“No identification of self or mission. No interference with the social development of said planet.”
“No references to space or the fact that there are other worlds or more advanced civilizations.”

“Hodgkin’s law of parallel planet development.”

“Dangerous ideas of other ways.”

“Carry word of their existence elsewhere.”

“With strange ways.”

“I’m trying to thank you, you pointy-eared hobgoblin.”

“Rome had no sun worshippers.”

“Your first three world wars.”

“The 37 million who died in your 3rd.”

“Caesar and Christ. They had them both.”

“It’s the son of god.”

Gotham 4x19

To Our Deaths And Beyond
There are emotional responses and malicious purposes as Barbara can’t lead her ninja death cult. Gotham is not a meritocracy. Selina and Bruce hang out. TPTB have inexpiably ceased trying for quality. The League has sinister ways. Bruce overacts. Ra’s Al Ghul rises again. Lee and Riddler rob banks in this dreary ep. Ed bores. There is no sweeping grandeur. Lee snots.

Barbara tantrums. Bruce offers Selina no respect. A glowy emblem of power is fought over. People have distracted stares. This ep is unviable. Things sour. Bruce has a lack of concern. This steps over the line of plausibility. Penguin prances. Ed invariably bores.  There is ominous foreshadowing.

Best Lines:
“Try it zombie boy.”

“Ruled empires.”

“Stabby stab.”

“I can’t make a joke?”
“That’s what that was?”

“You don’t look like a guy that got shot 4 times.”

“To our deaths and beyond.”

“A cataclysmic event soon to befall this city.”

“Dark knight of Gotham.”

Shades Of Blue 3x07

Straight Through The Heart
The cliffhanger is resolved weakly. Jlo has several inches of bronzer on her face. People are unreasonable. Stahl tries to frame Harlee for the hooker’s murder. Harlee has a defiant tone and she and Woz and Tess are haemorrhaging goodwill. Reputations are toughly trashed. Harlee’s inescapably associated with corruption. There is no moral clarity. People are criticised and vilified. This was not compelling. One is impervious to their antics.

Nobody is amenable. This was venal. There are pointless provocations. Woz is an expostulating foghorn. Harlee doesn’t do quiet. There is a twist and Harlee turns a blowtorch on someone. Woz collapses. Tess is tempted. Nate is embarrassed by his dad. Where is the investigation into Pomp and his weird relationships? Why are people so stupid? There is moral peacocking. Stahl stalks. Tess is in massive debt. Hostility is palpable. This was quite unpleasant and has no raw logic. Nate’s fed up. So am I.

Best Lines:
“Only 2 still like us?”

“Stop making enemies.”

“My salary’s been decimated.”

“Reliable behaviour forecasts.”

“Buys me some sympathy.”

“You sound like a mobster dad.”

“That casefile is sealed.”

“Don’t hold back.”

Quantico 3x12

Harry rants and makes it all about him. There is bad VFX as a plane crashes and they have to bail out. The plane crashed south of Dublin so does that mean it landed on Wicklow? The team land in a graveyard full of a ruined church, a round tower, mist and old Celtic gravestones. FFS! Did nobody notice the plane crashing and people bailing out? Alex doesn’t trust the Irish authorities and neither does Ryan. They drive a van which has the steering wheel on the wrong side. They drive around Dublin and find a payphone. Owen walks off being shot. A thatched cottage is seen in one scene.

Where are Will and Dayana? Gardai wave guns. There are bad Irish accents. This actually filmed in Ireland so why are the accents so bad? A horse is brushed. All the Irish are either corrupt or criminal. People show up like transatlantic flights are instantaneous. Harry’s selfish. The gang hang around the Long Library in Trinity College. A TV mogul shows up. The gang fake bad Irish accents.

The major criminal is allowed to walk around Ireland unbothered. WTF? There is sex trafficking and an obvious betrayal. The FBI busts up the sex trafficking ring and where are the Irish authorities during all this? Nobody hears guns being fired? Alex gets into lingerie and makes out with some random co-worker. Meanwhile her former man-candy is in peril. This was TERRIBLE and racist.

Best Line:
“Run the docks, they run the bars, they run the clubs.”
Tags: gotham, picnic at hanging rock, quantico, review, shades of blue, star trek, valor

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