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5 TV Reviews

Picnic At Hanging Rock 1x04
Sara annoys and shoots someone. Mrs Appleyard harasses Sara. There is a flashback and why did Marion stay at the college over Christmas? Posh boy returns and asks the horse boy to run off with him. Mrs Appleyard says the missing are never to be spoken of. Horse boy gets a cheque from Irma’s dad.

Sara is bullied and not allowed to attend class. A teacher quits. Horse boy looks for his sister Sara. Parents take their daughters out of the school. A detective is hired to look for the missing. Mrs Appleyard has unrelenting conviction in herself. The school is not a supportive community for Sara, who everyone seems to have complete distain for. An aggressive poor man lurks.

Sara sees Albert the horse boy and calls to him, he doesn’t hear her. Why doesn’t she go after him? Or tell anyone he is her brother? Albert and posh boy Mike are running off to Queensland together. People are steeped in memories. Something happens to Sara. This was not genuinely unprecedented TV and I just did not care.

Best Lines:
“Charged with their reputations.”

“What are you doing with a highwayman’s gun?”

“I dislike the Australian landscape. It is insubordinate.”

“The sort of husband you deserve is unlikely to propose.”

"Posture board.”

Cult 1x09&1x10

Off To See The Wizard
Kelly is without grace or presence. The missing network executive from 1x01 is finally brought up again. Skye’s co-worker is Steven Rea’s informant. Where is Tom Amandes? The Kelly actress does self-defence. It is stated in the credits that this ep is written by Steven Rea. The crazy college kid from an earlier ep has been arrested. Jeff is all haughtiness and capriciousness. He is not an amusing friend.

Roger and the Kelly actress are awful. It is hinted that there is a real Billy Grimm. What are Stuart and co planning? There are dead hopes and hysteria. This is not soul wrenching. The network guy from 1x01 finally shows up, sort of. Jeff is the nemesis of ambition. Skye does something dumb. A fake Steven Rea lurks. There are no ominous words. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“Billy prop.”

“Billy isn’t to be made light of. Ever.”

“That pretender’s knife of his.”

“Incite a certain kind of fan.”

The Prophecy Of St. Clare
Billy Grimm is cracking up. He does deliberate provocations whilst being unreasonable, horrifying and terrible. The previous few eps had no glorious possibilities. Billy Grimm has venomous cunning and relentless will and a cold stare. Jeff is petulant. What are script returns? Jeff is relentlessly devoid of intelligence. Teryl Rothery and Paul McGillion guest star.

An actress has sulky petulance. Peter creeps. Jeff has self-aggrandizement. Unknown people sow disruptive intrigues and have ill offices. Stuart has steely resolve. It is revealed that there was a real Billy and Kelly, not with those names of course. What do cults always seem to go for rustic simplicity? There is impressive ambiguity. A mysterious creepy church is found. There’s a patron saint of TV?

Stuart wants a favour. Why is there electricity in the long abandoned creepy church? Why does the ancient tape still play? There is a reveal about Stuart’s father. There are apocalyptic predictions, dubious origins and disturbing insights. There is babbling about the cult’s beliefs and Nate shows up. WTF is a Reader? There is talk of a book and a dangerous truth. Things fall apart and there are secrets. This was good.

Best Lines:
“Suppose he got tired of throwing hundred dollar bills into his fireplace.”

“Protest us from that truth. From that evil.”

“Something terrible was going to happen.”

Supernatural 13x16

Sam and Dean are sucked into a cartoon ‘ScoobyDoo’ ep. Sam whines. Why isn’t the older form of animation that Dean would have seen as a child used? Castiel lurks. Why is he still on this show? There is another flimsily motivated evil guy. Why is this show enduringly popular? This is not a ridiculously good time. This was dumb. Sam and Dean are middle aged, not kids!

Best Lines:
“Spend the night in a haunted house for a million dollars? That can’t be legal.”

“Things like this happen all the time.”

“All confederate dollars.”

“He’s the bad guy.”
“You don’t say.”

“Haunted? Like that’s a real thing.”

“That’s a plan?”

“A scruffy philistine and a talking dog.”

“We’ve saved the world. A lot.”

“Monsters are nothing more than crooks in masks. Usually unscrupulous real estate developers.”
“One: there are way better real estate scams.”

“Torpedoes disguised to look like sharks.”

“Shady real estate developer.”

“I would have got away with it. If it wasn’t for those meddling kids.”

Gotham 4x17

Mandatory Brunch Meeting
Riddler, Jerome, Mr Freeze (Nathan Darrow) and Crane do brunch. Gordon is sick of Bruce’s lies. He and Alfred should be reported to social services. Riddler bores. Bruce is a sneering jackass. Jerome has a long lost identical twin brother named Jeremiah. Bad things are perpetuated. This is not even largely successful. There are no fierce public clashes. This is not a positive achievement. How has the twin been mysteriously unseen for so long? The ‘good’ twin didn’t have armchair passivity. Tetch bores. Jerome has unabated wrath. Lee commits incitement. Bruce is not a violence interpreter. One is not expectant watching this. Jerome has a cunning plan.

Best Lines:
“Legion of Horribles.”

“Pun worthy.”


“Rabid sack of rats.”

“Stapling a live barracuda to someone’s face.”

“Bearded sidekick.”

“You’re insane.”

“Turned everyone I ever loved against me.”

Shades Of Blue 3x05

The Blue Wall
Woz is aggressively themed. Harlee makes it all about her. Woz has over-confidence. This was not dynamic. Everyone is downright morose. Harlee is quietly anguished. Nobody has a moral obligation to stop being a jackass. Stahl stalks and is arrogantly fearless. Christina is harassed. An IA guy lurks.

Harlee gets her clothes off. A honeypot hit woman tries to kill someone. She’s menaced whilst in her underwear. A cartel is involved. Christina is doing study buddies. The Intelligence unit is in with a cartel power grab. Accusations of wilful ignorance are flung around. Woz and Harlee strike back. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“That unit rarely discloses their location.”

“Armed muscle.”

“Pimps for drug dealers.”


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