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6 Movie Reviews

Stung (2015)
Caterers take on huge CGI wasps. The giant wasps are smart and this is fitfully amusing. What happened to the poor dog? There is a giant flaming wasp and this unusually interesting sight doesn’t attract attention. There is shagging and a it’s not over ending. This was okay. One didn’t watch this anticipating pleasure but it was okay.

Best Lines:
“I don’t need to respect that.”

“Corporate drug dealer.”

“What are they electricians now?”

~
Ice Bound (2003)
This unsubtle and leaden film stars an unbearable Susan Sarandon. This is the true story of a physician at the South Pole who realises she has cancer. She needs to do self-treatment, receive airdropped supplies and eventually be evacuated. This case received a lot of media attention, what didn’t receive so much attention was that the cancer returned and killed her in 2009.

As portrayed by the annoying Sarandon, she is unpleasant and annoying and seemingly went to the South Pole, knowing she was sick. She’s unbearable and makes it all about her. Her co-workers plan an airdrop as she sits on her ass. This is not a tale of emotional resilience. She has no notes of anxiety about her awful behaviour. There is exposition. She has long term self-obsessiveness. One does not emotionally connect to this load of crap.

She seems cold and unemotional and gets undeserved social support. She has low level begrudgry. One doesn’t care that she’s constrained in her ability to treat herself. Where did they get sage? She has no consideration. Why is she her co-workers emotional responsibility? She playacts the sainted Victorian invalid. She’s indefatigable and frustrating and enraging and crudely condescending and burdensome.

More exposition is spewed and she’s obsessively inward looking. This is insignificant. When the rescue plane comes to emergency evacuate her, there is only a 5 minute window for it to land, unload the new doctor, load her onboard and take off. What does she do? Stand around taking in the view and babbling to her replacement. FFS, what an insufferable bint.

Best Lines:
“Hollywood shower.”

“Penguin round up.”

“Get the fuel lit before it freezes.”

“Spring weather will blow the plane right off the skiway.”

“When are we going to get the satellite back up?”
“Five hours, give or take.”

~
Psycho IV: The Beginning (1990)
Anthony Perkins stars as does Henry Thomas as a younger version of Norman as he becomes a killer. ‘Bates Motel’ did the same plot. Mick Garris directs and Olivia Hussey co-stars as does CCH Pounder as some Oprah type. Flashback shows Norman hooking up with a slut, whom he kills. Norma Bates was a crazy abusive nutter who drove her son to violence. Norman is married to woman who worked at the institution. Is she aware he’s talking to a radio host (Pounder) and narrating how he killed his mother and her boyfriend? Norman plans to kill his pregnant wife, he tries to, she forgives him, the creepy house is burnt down and Norman gets a happy every after. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“The mother killers.”

“Incest tragedy.”

“Careless child spilling mummy’s orange flower water!”

“Since when did you start going to cheap bars?”

“Take my father’s robe off!”

“Killed that girl in the shower.”

“I should have killed you in my womb! You sure as hell tried to kill me getting out of it!”

“Left town years ago.”

“How’d you kill your mother?”
“Slowly.”

~
Urban Legend (1998) Rewatch
Alicia Witt and Jared Leto star in this tale of a spectacularly deranged killer on campus. But the campus is full of moral garbage on legs. There is death and bad acting and stupidity and this was improbably terrible and dated.

Best Lines:
“What if there is a lunatic on campus?”

“What the hell are you on?”

~
Gerald’s Game (2017)
Bruce Greenwood and Carla Gugino star in this Stephen King adaptation. There is unsafe bondage by a husband (Greenwood) who has a long buried and deeply disturbing fetish. He dies leaving his wife (Gugino) handcuffed to the bed. The wife goes hysterical. The dead Gerald had zero redeeming features. A hungry dog wanders in and eats the body.

She talks to hallucinations of herself and her husband. The dog is nicknamed Cujo, oh subtle. Are we meant to care about these morally vacant types? There is no venomous irony or scathing insight. This was not enticingly cool. She’s impeccably oblivious. There is a flashback to Jessie as a child. She had a bitch mother and a perv father. There were horrifying lifelong consequences to her father’s actions.

Everyone in this film has an inverted ethical code and there were staged provocations by Jessie’s sicko dad. Things are made more fractious by a lurking weirdo known as the Crypt Creeper. There are memories of an eclipse and blood and a ridiculous ending. This was not the grimmest.

Best Lines:
“Rest of his pretty things.”

“What he did to you after.”

“Moaned like a dutiful wife.”

“What was in the well?”
“Secrets.”

“Nothing ever happened.”

“Let’s get grilling.”

“Couple of women in the world you call friends.”

“Shame filled glance.”

“Looking but not seeing.”

“Never felt like part of the family again.”

“Slick as oil.”

“Seizures, dehydration or dog.”

“Everything has to go very fast.”

“That was kind.”

~
Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
No.
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