Pilot
The pilot for the show based on the classic movie that was yanked, probably because due to the evidence of this ep - it wasn’t very good. Alas poor JD, no one made the right choices for him. This has nice opening credits. There is a remake cameo by Shannen Doherty who plays JD‘s mother. This reboot tries to be a reflection of society: the Heathers are evil SJWs who torment people via social media shaming.
Veronica has listless indifference and she isn’t quietly poignant. There are many homages to the far superior film. Veronica’s ditched friend Betty is bitter and has her own plans. There is bad music. The new Heathers have motiveless malignity and exist only to twitter shame people. Subtlety isn’t a quality synonymous with this.
Heather Chandler (who is a larger woman) harasses Ram who is a raving idiot. Heather Chandler and her coven have a monumental disregard for the normals. Heather Candler can’t be bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. She’s all SJW vileness and the school is a social timebomb. There is overly arch dialogue. Heather Duke is nonbinary and Heather McNamara is a faker/desperate wannabe. They’re ideological fanatics. This is not dark and delicious. There is no extremely disturbing nastiness.
JD tries for moodily unpredictable. He has no wilful cruelty or gripping immediacy. Heather Duke is irritatingly smug. This is not dramatic or complicated. Heather McNamara is a butt of scorn. This is not forceful or innovative. Veronica’s parents (Wallace Langham is her dad) ignore her. There are dubious practises by the obvious teaching staff.
Hyper-critical Heather Chandler is socially conscious and completely ridiculous. This isn’t brilliant, surprising, beguiling or whimsical. Street trash JD can’t act. There is a drastic loss of quality when he is on screen. People speak stupid dialogue with utmost seriousness. This isn’t relentless or brutal. Everyday social interaction is intimidating. Veronica is all lies and deceit. Heather Chandler is revered. This was not darkly farcical or gloriously silly and it has no raw, vivid immediacy.
JD glances moodily. There is high school societal collapse and immoral behaviour. There is a collapse of moral consequence. Heather Chandler spews the harshest invective. She and her coven are all outré public personae. Veronica wants to avoid shame and preserve her reputation after she and Heather Chandler have a fight. This ep is not a substantial achievement.
Heather Chandler decides how people are placed culturally. Her derision of Veronica leads to a fateful act. JD and Veronica seek revenge with psychopathic intensity and ineptness. This ep has manifold deficiencies. No wonder it was not rapturously received. There is deliberate murk. Heather Duke wants to continue the cult mentality and sly indoctrination of Heather C. JD is not violent and terrifying. No wonder this was widely reviled.
There is talky intrigue and the hippy teacher Pauline annoys. This is all about the way you want to be perceived by others or something. Potential threat Heather Chandler is far more of a threat than Veronica and JD realise, because they’re stupid. This does not test creative limits or arouse feverish interest. There is no moral inquiry just a faked video. Heather C disrespected and openly attacked people, naturally she is mourned. Kurt Fuller plays the useless principle.
One is not quivering with anticipation for more. Heather C’s coterie is ghastly. Her gang have unyielding loyalty to her catechism of control and brutal reputation at this critical juncture. Heather Duke has an ongoing compulsion to annoy. This is not relentlessly jolly. The Heathers are polemicists and Veronica is highly distressed and emotionally tense. Heather C is commemorated. Betty wants to be Heather C’s successor. There is non-cathartic hate and no miasma of unease.
There is caked on makeup, Veronica is a raving idiot and this was a spectacular failure. It was not immediately urgent. JD’s creepy dad lurks. This ep was a grave miscalculation. JD’s dad is nonchalantly terrible. There is an interesting twist. Heather C’s faked suicide video got 27 million likes. Sigh.
Best Lines:
“The slut table.”
“Heather C.”
“We’re not doing irony anymore.”
“Gorgeous tragic.”
“Women of the woods coven.”
“Post life experience.”
“Trust fund kids standing around analyzing the meaning of a pile of dirt.”
“German suicide pills.”
“Sad face emoji. Pill emoji.”
“A viral casualty.”
“Datey-rapey scholarship you’re getting from Remington.”
“Fraking king of Ohio.”
“Let’s snort Adderall, make out and get slushies.”
“Isn’t it just?”
“Blame her not.”
“Stop using Heather’s lines Heather.”
“Pussy skirt.”
“We’ve given a random high school senior in Sherwood Ohio more power than William Randolph Hearst.”
“LICK IT UP FATTY! LICK IT UP!”
~
Suffer The Children
This ep has no feature of particular or general interest. The real life and show cult have no recommendation for mercy. Brigid Brannagh of ‘American Gothic’ and ‘Kindred: The Embraced’ guest stars. There is no maelstrom of emotion. Burt’s dead. Jeff’s lost the ability to deal with the situation. The creepy cop, Sakelik, has a secret. Jeff is all selfishness and ineptitude and preposterous outbursts. Stuart the creepy agent turns producer.
This is not an affirming narrative. There is theological stress, poor practices, eccentric theology and sect promotion. On the show does Kelly do anything besides harass Billy Grimm? This was haplessly inefficient. There is underlit mumbling and secrets of the past. There is no acclaim for this. Jeff causes aggressive harm. This was underlit and there is a Manson homage. Jeff is a monster of selfishness and there are violent schemes.
Best Lines:
“What have you done now?”
“She’s done something, hasn’t she?”
The Devil You Know
Unconscionable things are done and there are peculiarities for no clear reason. Eric Gimpel and Sarah-Jane Redmond guest star. Stuart lurks like bad smell. The show has a mannered fondness for sombre lighting in some scenes. This does not fill one with dread. Shag dream cult girl pops up at the end to be revealed as Stuart’s daughter. Jeff and his unloved life hints darkly. There is bad acting and no emotional response.
Skye finds her father’s storage locker which has been untouched for 10 years. Who paid for it? This was innocuous. Roger parties with weirdoes. One of Sakelik’s sidekicks runs a video store in 2013. His name is Louis and he is a creepy cripple. Conflict is sowed. There is bad acting and illogical acts that make no sense. There is death. Stuart steps up. There is irrational hostility and no sense. No wonder this was yanked off air mid way through its one and only season.
Best Lines:
“Like a supremely talented concubine.”
“Thank you I guess.”
“Any mysterious group.”
~
Bullets, Lots Of Bullets
This reality show covers 3 lots of miserable looking people sure the world is ending. The first lot live in a terrible compound and do bugout drills, have guns and are nuts. A bored looking kid fires an assault rifle. They fear a polar shift and are ready to survive for 20 years on stored food. In LA, a man plans to live off the land after an earthquake. He has some practice skills. Finally a crazy chick fears an oil crisis and plans to shoot her 2 cats when the balloon goes up. They disregard global norms and this was BAD.
Best Lines:
“Please mug me. Take my stuff and leave me for dead.”
“Articles of trade.”
“Lots of bullets. Lots of bullets.”
“Less than savour means of having to support myself.”
“Very own doomsday fortress.”
“Treat food.”
“Bug out vehicles.”