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7 Movie Reviews

The Green Inferno (2013)
This Eli Roth horror stars Richard Burgi. Annoying hipster college activists head off to the rainforest to save an uncontacted tribe. The plane the whining college kids are on crashes in the rainforest. They encounter a scary tribe (played by a real rainforest tribe) who want to have them for dinner. Their SJW leader turns out to be lying corrupt corporate executive who lured them to South America with a campaign of lies, terrible lies. An inexorable progression of horror follows. Why does the survivor lie to the UN? This was okay with a sequel hook. It is not deeply upsetting and does not leave you ill-at-ease.

Best Lines:
“The only things those posers care about, is looking like they care.”

“They deserve to get tear gassed.”

“I can smell my friend being cooked.”

“Camera! Internet!”

~
A Ghost Story (2017)
This is contrived nonsense full of slurred mumbled dialogue. A disengaged couple live in a remote house. There is an absence of hope this will be good. The unkempt couple and their personal inadequacy live in their unkempt house. They seem to have deep psychological distress.

This has no emotional punctuation. I don’t care about the couple’s sordid actuality. This was all tedium and ghastliness. The boring husband dies and then he sits up and wanders around under a sheet. Where did the eyeholes come from? What lies beyond? That is 1 big sheet. He heads home and stares at a cute cat fridge ornament. There is annoying noise and staring, staring and yet more staring.

Rooney Mara eats almost an entire pie in real time. Time passes. He sees another ghost with whom he communicates with in subtitles. His wife movies away and later on a hipster yaps. One feels dissatisfaction. Nobody manages their emotional states. This has collective failings and is ridiculous. One can’t totally engage with this. Eventually the house is ruined and the piano tipped over. Watching this is incredibly detrimental to you. The intensely rural house is knocked down. This is the afterlife?

This was undistinguished and tries for fake-literary, emotional intimacy and sober prose. This is improbable with a lazy lack of concision. This boring film is a spectacular tiresome miscalculation. He and the other ghost stand in the ruins of their demolished homes. Eventually the other ghost vanishes. Where did it go? This tries for stillness and composure.

This is a rumination on grief and loss or something. A gleaming city is built where his home once was. Big serious people made this. He sees the past where his house would be built. A pioneer family were killed there. He sits on his ass and haunts himself. Where did the piano come from? In life he was a lazy ass who didn’t want to leave the house. Eventually he too vanishes. Where did he go? Why am I supposed to care about some slightly dodgy looking geezer?

Best Lines:
“Social order will fall away.”

“The future is going to hit a brick wall.”

“All go.”

“It’s always been here.”

~
Thinner (1996)
This okay film is based on the Stephen King novel. Kari Wuhrer and some no-names star. A Roma caravan arrives in a small town, Billy a fat lawyer (coated in prosthetics) does them active harm by running one over and Billy is drenched in bitterness. He blames his wife even as his friends ensure he faces no repercussions for what he did. Joe Mantengna plays a mob boss who Billy is friends with.

The Roma have ideological motivation to get Billy. A hot Roma (Wuhrer) prances. Stephen King has a cameo. Billy’s hot wife is berated and ill-treated by her husband. She and Billy aren’t sorry for what they did. A Roma curses Billy and his awful friends. There is hysteria and bad acting. People babble about the curse. Others are affected. Billy is scum. There is an idiot dream scene.

There is no sustainable rationale for any of this. TPTB are covertly grotesquefying Billy’s wife. Billy never interprets his own motives or faces complex moral judgement. There is no real terrifying realisation that curses are real. This leaves one unimpressed. There is not one likeable character in this mean spirited film. Nobody is seeking a resolution. There are silly fake accents. Billy gets his creepy mob boss friend to menace the Roma. Nobody has moral purity and this film is not awe inspiring. There is a compromised happy ending and no reconciling of bitter disputes.

There is essential wrongness and no amicable co-existence. Mob guy has uncritical support for Billy. This was mmm and Billy’s daughter Linda is played by Joy Lenz of ‘One Tree Hill’.

Best Lines:
“That kind of attitude could cost you court cases.”

“Give Billy 5 dollars to run you over in that golf cart.”

“Die quick and bad.”

“My mook.”

“You don’t get to ask that question again.”

“Proving my love.”

“Disease, crime and prostitution!”

“Nothing to get off from.”

“He will die thin!”

~
West Of Memphis (2012), part 1
This disturbing creepy documentary exposes the travesty of justice in the West Memphis 3 case that has dragged on since 1993. Who killed 3 eight year old boys in a small town? 3 local outcasts were blamed and irreparable harm was done and caused widespread disillusionment with the justice system. Satanism was blamed and a ridiculous satanic training video is shown.

There is babbling about the occult, everyone has a mullet - even the women and there are thick nigh incoherent accents. There is vintage news clips and crime scene photos from the notoriously cruel murders are shown. The victims and defendants were so young, there is a penitentiary area sign and muffled dialogue. People from the Center Of Wrongful Convictions Of Youth talk about how the trials went so wrong.

Marks on the bodies were most likely turtle bites. I did not realise snapping turtles were so big or fierce. The legal system is not fair minded or thoughtful. There are discordant narratives and there is toxicity around this cause and prosecution witnesses recant their false testimony. Did one of the dead boy’s stepfather commit the murders?

Best Lines:
“Claimed to have seen.”

“Bottom of the barrel poor white trash.”

“Personal cause killing.”

“Prosecutor controlled crime lab.”

“Doing a lot of inhalants.”

“Huffed gas.”

“Where was he cut at?”

“Case went bad.”

“Listen to weird music.”

“Something this heinous.”

“Never about justice.”

“Very passionate very sincere hate mail.”

~
Estranged (2012)
An okayish British thriller. After being left injured and amnesiac after a scooter crash, a woman and her boyfriend head to her estranged family’s huge country estate. There is yelling and the family are weird. How is she suddenly able to walk? Something weird is going on in the house. What became of her boyfriend? Who are these people? Nobody has critical thought. Why is the butler still there? There is a wince-inducing scene involving eye-lash curlers. When did she become pregnant? There are secrets and reveals and class war and violent revenge. This was mmmm.

Best Lines:
“Where else could we have gone?”

“This is how we live.”

“You’ll settle for this?”

“I don’t want my baby to live, not here not with you.”

“No one else wants you.”

“They took their revenge.”

~
Franklyn (2008)
Poo.

~
The Torment aka The Possession Of David O'Reilly (2010)
This talky UK 'horror' sees a man barge into his friends' flat whilst ranting that a demon is after him. This irrational talky conflict full of bad acting has no narrative craft.
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