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6 TV Reviews

Picnic At Hanging Rock 1x03
Irma’s been found and there is a lot of padding. She still has perfect beachy hair. There is a dead animal and Mrs Appleyard pacing and shrill annoying women. Irma says her mother choose her stepfather over her and believes him over her. There are even more flashbacks to the past.

Why won’t Irma talk about what happened? Bad news gets out. How did Marion end up at the school? Irma plans to marry her rescuer. There is misogyny and Irma is drugged. Flashbacks show students hanging out in their underwear. Mrs Appleyard has flashbacks. The local copper asks questions.

Michael is expected to propose to Irma, someone he barely knows. Irma is psychically discombobulated. Michael doesn’t propose to Irma. This has no visual wonder. People have nefarious purposes. The girls at the school do not reside therein compliantly. There are social limitations for women. Michael runs off. What are Irma’s secrets? Irma is menaced by her schoolmates in a display of anti-Semitism.

Best Lines:
“What’s yours is ours.”

“England does own the world.”

“This ghastly business.”

“You will be a slave to your secrets for the rest of your life.”

“I hate Miranda.”

~
Gotham 4x16

One Of My Three Soups
Tetch is still around boring people. Scarecrow brews something in his toilet. Jerome babbles and leads a breakout from Arkham. Gordon’s walked off being shot a lot. He has solemn regret. Tetch and his unsavoury reputation is back and screaming. Bullock has societal concerns. Gordon is deeply perturbed by the annoying Tetch. There is casual acceptance of weirdness. One is resigned to this ep sucking. Bruce is unhesitant about annoying people. TPTB think Bruce is extremely intense. He’s not.

Barbara is very unpleasant. There is civil unrest. Tabitha and Barbara have perfomative friendship. Gordon crossed a moral line but nobody cares. Bullock doesn’t have the greatest reputation and he’s lecturing Gordon on morals. Jerome, Tetch and Crane don’t have specific motivations for their unheroic acts and calculated provocations.

Ra’s Al Ghul lurks in memories and resurrection comes with responsibility and consequences. Where’s Harley Quinn? Why did Gordon ever love Barbara? Barbara is the new Ra’s Al Ghul. There is a bitter showdown. There is a lack of respect and the fright squad don’t spend much time on-screen. Tabitha’s imperiousness bores. Where’s Alfred? TPTB bring embarrassment upon themselves.

Nobody has accountability. This ep is not a colossal achievement. Selina tells Bruce to get over himself. This show really doesn’t show formative moments. Bruce and his fancy phrases are morally bankrupt. Criminal lowlife Jerome bores. He’s not someone who acts like life is only blood and teeth. The League has systemic frodeur for Barbara. Gordon gets unnecessarily panic-stricken. Bruce does something stupid. TPTB are cliché merchants. Why isn’t Lee facing repercussions for shooting Sofia?

Best Lines:
“Troubled history of Arkham.”

“Poisonous little mind you have.”

“Sucking on your own misery.”

“Cull weakness. They were unfit and needed to die.”

“How could there be a global army of assassins we’ve never heard of?”
“What part of League Of Shadows do you not understand?”

~
Shades Of Blue 3x04

A Walking Shadow
There is a Stahl flashback. There was drooling and blood and reputation destruction and stealing. Stahl was accustomed to his own way. Stahl had a secret stash he used to escape. He doesn’t care about his son, only stalking Harlee. He perved over her in her hospital bed and nobody noticed. Stahl is contentious and has deep antipathy for Harlee. The Intelligence officer (Nick Wechsler) doesn’t recognise Stahl?

Woz was battered. Bruce McGill lurks ominously. This was not nuanced. Stahl thinks he has a moral claim for retribution. There are horrendous consequences and nasty surprises. People are fractured by discord. Harlee’s caked in bronzer. Stahl decides to sow mistrust. There is explosive unrest. Intelligence seems to be untouchable. The hooker reunites with Stahl who is not authentically terrifying. He brooks no dissent and has a mania for revenge and plays the hooker.

Everyone has inherent personal weakness and hidden resentments. There is no discipline or service or ethical decisions. Harlee is on slightly dodgy ground. There are no estimable acts. Harlee is increasingly hostile. The hooker is a twit. There are enormous implications. This was okay. Woz menaces a priest and things go awry.

Best Lines:
“Liberated myself from that particular proclivity.”

“That’s not the gun I planted.”

“5 dollar shakes they just tossed.”

“Need to forget you know me.”

“Drop gun.”

“Remember what happened to God’s son? Rough day.”

“For a couple of elite intelligence detectives, they sure have a lot of free time on their hands.”

“That is what she does to good people.”

“Nobody that you can write about.”

“Get un-interested.”

“She knows what’s coming later.”

“Collecting integrity medals.”

~
Salvation (2017-2018) 1x01

Pilot
This terrible show has a celebrity cameo, a jerkass and various annoying characters. Humanity faces inherent damnation. People do malignant behaviours and have no moral rectitude. Some Elon Musk expy is a poser. Ian Anthony Dale and Santiago Cabrera deserve better than to be in this crap. Dennis Boutsikaris, Sasha Roiz, Mark Moses, Samantha Ferris, Brian Markinson, Jonathan Silverman, Zuleikha Robinson, Reiko Aylesworth and David Nykl are also in this.

This has a dull title card. In 6 months an asteroid will hit Earth and cause an ELE. There is a hologram projector. Some jerkass calls the asteroid: Rocky. The movement is covering up Rocky. Nobody has anxiety cycles over Rocky. The government is planning Project Samson aka a gravity tractor to defect the asteroid. But the technology doesn’t work.

This is all unspeakable awkwardness. A divorced woman acts in frustrating catatonia. There is a lack of nuance and it’s not uncompromisingly excellent. There is no emotional arc or understatement or impressive explosiveness. The Elon Musk expy plans an ark/lifeboat to take 160 people to Mars. There is lying and no huge meaningful moments. This was shambolic and bad.

Best Lines:
“The greatest mind of our time.”

“Fractal holographic matrix.”

“No, I’m not on drugs!”

“Planet killer.”

“Orbital configuration.”

“Big scary dudes staking out his house.”

“The sky is falling.”

“Tomorrow has not yet come.”

“You’re extraordinary in an ordinary way.”

“Minimal viable population.”

“Need technology that hasn’t been invented yet.”

~
Scream 1x04

Aftermath
The genteel tranquillity of the small town has been shattered as it is full of morally repressible, repellent twits. The shattering consequences of Emma’s selfishness unfolds. Nobody has steely coldness. The body found in the burnt car is headless. Grief stricken teens still have perfect hair and makeup. There are no cruel realisations. There is a mutilated yearbook and no displays of normality. There is ongoing defiance.

There is no menacing. People plot. There is an unobtainable truth. The slut dresses like a slut and ignores her dad. There are dishonourable deeds and the slut is still self-obsessed. This was lackadaisical. There is a toxic culture in this town. There is a shower of unsavouries in this town. This was not emotionally rewarding. There is no expected associated sadness for the murders. 3 people hang out in a killer’s lair being caustic and witty. This show is endlessly undermined by its stupidity. Why is the slut’s father being blackmailed? A sex tape of Emma comes out. This was dull and leaves you artfully bored. The cop's finally realise the killer is still out there.

Best Lines:
“Protect and serve my ass!”

“Creepy, unrealistic icons.”

“Funeral nail polish.”

“A little analogue.”

“Go and be law abiding and whatever.”

“That’s sketchy logic.”

“You have a stun gun?”

“Jam it into his junk.”

“Your psycho friend.”

“This can’t be good.”

“Taze my man-parts.”

“A genuine killer’s lair.”

“This looks staged.”

“Uploading where?”

~
Slasher 1x03

Like As Fire Eatheth Up And Burneth Wood
It is a turbulent time in town. There is a flashback to 1968 that show how the heroine’s pregnant grandmother dropped a brick on a car full of prom-goers. The girl who was hit by the brick has been comatose ever since. There is mumbling and fraught decisions. There is no humanity or compassion. No-one is shamed. There is no wit or charm.

The heroine displays ugly art in her gallery. There is no emotional resilience or detached cool. The original killer blowhards. Robin can’t cope after Justin’s death. The heroine’s grandmother is a tres insouciant timeworn woman obsessed with her growler. People have the IQ of kick flare jeans. The heroine asks paternity questions. Nobody looks for their better you. The heroine is menaced.

Robin reveals he and Justin built their dreamhouse on land they stole from a poor family whose deaths they caused. Robin isn’t sorry. The heroine wants to leave town, her husband doesn’t. Genre expectations are dashed and motifs are twisted. There is mumbling and a gun. The overconfident incompetents blather. The heroine was suicidal? No wonder this show has no lasting popularity, it’s not a continuous pleasant shocker.

This niche-driven show was boring. The heroine has profound disquiet. There are bland sentiments. Robin is in massive debt and is menaced. This was daft. There is no public enthusiasm for this show. The heroine has wounded reactions. Robin is not sweetly stupid. Some crazed mountain folk man is inane. The grandmother is in peril. The husband’s boss is prophesying disaster. The heroine feels resentment. The darkening climate in town gets worse. The granny is tossed into a shallow lake. There is an unsafe social space. The grandmother has been rendered voiceless. This is not dynamic or intense and leaves you fatigued.

Best Lines:
“Doesn’t know when to close her mouth or her legs.”

“Lost in zealotry.”

“A town nobody’s heard of.”

“Fancy boy.”

“Come get me!”
Tags: gotham, review, salvation, scream(tv), shades of blue, slasher
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