epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Review: Anna Nicole (2013)

A sad bio-pic about the tragic starlet who had a public meltdown and died young. She wasn’t born Anna Nicole Smith, she was born with a different name in small town Texas. Her mother (Virginia Madsen) tried to control her; she ended up married young with a baby and divorced. Her mother wouldn’t help her, so she became a stripper and changed her name at some point. She began drinking and doing drugs whilst climbing the career ladder.

Her misplaced Marilyn Monroe obsession and bowling ball sized implants made her beloved as a stripper, then a Playboy model and then the face of Guess jeans. She did not live a moderate life and was pitiful. She was happily deluded. This stars nobody of particular note. A cavalcade of tragedies would befall her.

She got a sugar daddy (Martin Landau). She can’t stop with the drink and drugs as she heads toward her dreadful fate. Her son puts up with his unbearably annoying momma. Her sugar daddy’s son (Cary Elwes) hates her, bashes her character and impugns her intent. Her girl next door charm wears off and she faces vehement disapproval as she revels in media attention as her star fades.

Her pitiable characteristics kick in as she marries her sugar daddy and faces morally disapproving types. She rose from the grimmest of realities and she’s heading back down there. This was viciously entertaining as the negative repercussions of stardom ruin her. Howard K Stern (Adam Goldberg) shows up to exploit Anna Nicole. Anna Nicole’s son Daniel goes off the rails. Anna Nicole’s sugar daddy dies and her stepson ensures she gets nothing. So Anna Nicole does a tacky reality show (with a memorable theme song) and she wants to be noticed.

Anna Nicole meets Larry the father of her second child. Anna Nicole goes to the Supreme Court to get money from her sugar daddy’s estate. Vintage footage is shown. This was oddly compelling.Anna-Nicole eats and ODs. Tragedy strikes as her son dies and nobody seems to go to his funeral. A sad Anna Nicole later dies herself. This TV movie doesn’t show how at her autopsy, she was found to have an undiagnosed thyroid condition that caused a lot of her health issues. Stern gets away with his exploitative acts. This was tragic and those who exploited her got away with it.

Best Lines:
“My mom married 4 different men.”

“Get yourself some attention.”

“She’s having brain trouble.”

“I shouldn’t have gotten married at 16.”

“Whatever craphole you end up in.”

“A very big female problem.”

“White stuff.”


“What my daughter has come to.”

“You weren’t exactly discreet.”

“A mite boring.”

“Unmentioned mention.”

“That there be certain items available.”

“We look like a bunch of freaks right now.”

“Howard just tells you what you want to hear!”

“She doesn’t have my daughter’s name.”
Tags: designated survivor, movie review

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