Citadel (2012)
Aneurin Barnard of ‘The White Queen’ stars as a young father who was trapped in a malfunctioning lift as his wife was attacked by feral children. There is overacting and he is left with agoraphobia as he cares (badly) for his baby in grotty living conditions. His wife is comatose and then dead of unclear reasons.
There are ominous posters and signs. Social services lurk unseen. There is a friendly nurse and an unfriendly priest. He sets up a berserk barricade and cowers behind the toilet armed with a hammer. The hero’s twitching annoying. Where is this ruined desolate area?
There is bad acting and a stupid crying baby. Are the feral children, demons or socially deprived? The baby is taken by them. None of this is rational or makes any sense. This does not drip with malice. This was ridiculous and terrible and not a dystopian vision of broken Britain.
Best Lines:
“This is where the scum are coming from.”
“Do they look like kids to you?!?”
“Unloved.”
“For god’s sake, what are you?”
“Don’t think of them as children.”
~
The Shallows (2016)
This okay film sees Blake Lively take on a shark that has a deliberate wilful desire to see her dead. Incredibly dangerous stuff happens as the shark has inconvertible hared for her. She has a moral and ethical obligation to survive. Nancy (Lively) babbles and goes to a secret beach. The beach is beautiful and this lacks precision. There is surfing and no logic or structure.
Nancy is sad about her dead mom which is why she’s alone on a remote beach. She invites trouble and anxiety is gnawing at her. A dead whale suddenly floats along. Where did that come from? Dolphins leap. The shark attacks and she climbs onto the whale to hide. Other surfers were there but oddly didn’t notice her being attacked? There is violent disorder as she fights to survive. She has a willingness to live and oddly does not pass out from blood loss, exposure or hunger and thirst.
Nancy has to stitch her wound with jewellery. While not utterly riveting or truly terrifying, it is good. The shark has permanent disruptive behaviour. A drunken guy steals her phone and gets eaten. The shark has a grievance and a longstanding grudge and she has a permanent enemy. Nancy yells and is of no discernible personality. A seagull hangs around. Can Nancy find the emotional disconnection to escape her foe?
This was ridiculously enjoyable. It takes a psychic toll on her as does the gangrene. This was not a perfect study of human sadness. Glowing jellyfish lurk. A flare gun is fired. This was low-key good. There is no terrifying intensity and it is not fiercely affecting. But it is okay and the seagull lives. This was unmysterious with no radiant positivity and her dad (Brett Cullen) lurks.
Best Lines:
“Bad choices.”
“Ready to get wet.”
“Who is Uber?”
“Mom’s beach.”
“That’s how you wind up on Nancy Grace.”
“I love you sister mom.”
“See you soon.”
“When?”
~
Here Alone (2016)
A woman endures the zombie post-apoc alone. Flashbacks show she had a baby and a husband (Shane West of ‘Salem’ and ‘Nikita’). What happened to them? What caused the virus outbreak? She whines and survives alone and loots. There is nudity and this was marginally less irritating than ‘The Walking Dead’. She encounters a man and his brat, which leads to negative consequences. This was not mature or socially relevant. This bored.
Best Lines:
“Just. Pack. Everything. Right. Now.”
“All she did was scream.”
~
Jackie (2016)
Natalie Portman goes for an Oscar as she babbles in an odd accent as Mrs Kennedy. She talks to reporter Billy Crudup. Her story unfolds in non-linear fashion. There are scenes of Jackie’s TV tour of the White House, the assassination and JFK’s funeral. Jackie is icily insistent about her social prestige. Jackie wanted the Irish Cadets at the funeral. This has no dramatic impact and is not a potentially tragic tale of ruined folk. Richard E Grant is in this arty film. The Kennedys are arriviste and LBJ is dismissed. This was not emotionally devastating or intensely felt.
I didn’t like this, it was all over negativity. Jackie has skewed social perception and she is motivated her by personal will and mentioniis and oratory and adulation. This has terrible ‘Camelot’ music and this film is unworthy of serious consideration. John Hurt is in this and Richard Burton warbles on the dreadful ‘Camelot’ soundtrack. Just no.
Best Lines:
“We have television now.”
“A sense of America’s greatness.”
“Made him what he was.”
“I’ve read a great deal, more than people realise.”
“Let them see what they’ve done.”
“Nothing’s ever mine.”
“39 hours on Earth.”
“Doing far worse for far less.”
~
The Visit (2015)
In this found footage film 2 teenagers go to visit their long estranged grandparents and crazy unusual things happen. The boy raps and the girl is a wannbe auteur. Their grandparents act in odd ways and are unnecessarily confrontational. The teens mother is useless. There is a twist and its young v old. This was BAD.
Best Lines:
“Let it organically swing.”
“Thinks strangers are following him.”
“Stupid hick town.”
“We’re looking for visual tension.”
“Get in the car and come right now.”
“Becomes Michael Myers when the sun goes down.”
~
Nuns On The Run (1990)
No.
~
House Of Flying Daggers (2007)
Boring.
~
The Wicked Lady (1945)
Not as racy as it thinks.
~
In The Best Interest Of The Children (1992)
No.