In Search Of Lost Time
Winn fawns over Mon-El. A Martian has dementia and it affects other people like that ‘Sarek’ ep of ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’. Sam is rude to Lena. James bores. Mon-El puts on a red suit that makes him look like a stripper who turns tricks for drug money. People get angry. Winn faces people at the DEO who are annoyed he just showed up and took over.
Lena goads Sam into becoming Reign. People mumble. Why is Kara always apologising to Mon-El? I’m sick of him and his antics. He is the Riley Finn of this show. There is bad dialogue. Kara finally tells Mon-El off for all his crap. Why did she ever love him?!? There is over-acting. Kara apologies to Mon-El AGAIN - oh FFS. This was terrible. Lena helps Sam. Mon-El is smug. Why does Kara need fighting lessons from Mon-El?
Best Lines:
“Egotistical little son of a serial killer!”
“I gave my heart to a lying jackass.”
“Your psychic waves have escaped.
“Screwed her in the closet.”
“You would cage me?!?”
“Go all ‘Roadhouse’ on me.”
~
Awake, Arise, Or Be Forever Fallen
No sense of doom is palpable. There is no huge emotional resonance as Max and Sebastian face off. Arriviste Clary fails to notice Sebastian has near murdered Max. There is no emotional texture. Clary has militant apathy to others. Clary is always making egregious gaffes. Simon and Maia hang out; having a seriously corrosive effect on what is left of the season.
Why do the ghastly denizens of the downworld deserve saving? Alec is sad over Bane calling into question his motives and character and accusing him of moral failings. Bane and Luke sulk about potentially world ending events. Bane is ridiculously uninteresting. Season 2 has been hugely disappointing. Bane and his belligerent threats has no moral legitimacy. The Seelie Queen emotes badly about epoch defining torment and despair.
Izzy is a complete intellectual void. Bane’s repellent ass vents grievances and petulance. There is dramatic over acting. This is not creatively stimulating. Nobody has presence or charisma. There are unclear flashbacks in which fractious men do pensive grimaces. This was stultifying and people mumble. This was not nuanced. Sebastian is not wonderfully malign.
The scenario is not dire. The Shadowhunters have poor judgement and are not electrifying in their intensity. This ep stretches credulity and patience. Bane’s enduring vapidity goes on. Why does Alec have obeisance to Bane? Luke bores. Sebastian is busted. There is no compromising integrity. Luke’s partner spies on him. She and this ep deserve universal derision.
Best Line:
“What kind of that?”
Hail And Farewell
This is not dark and sinister stuff. When did Clary learn all the Shadowhunter lore? Shadowhunters skype. Sarah Hyland of ‘Modern Family’ and Mimi Kuzyk guest star. Bane is truculent and temperamental and disaffected. Bane is scum and gets away with it. Luke skips off. Simon prances. People fawn over Simon. This is absurd and unbelievable. Bane is smug. Simon looks jaundiced.
Sarah Hyland is orange. There are entrenched disagreements. What happened to Valentine’s followers? The warlocks cast a spell and Bane and his annoying mates get away with it. How much more irrefutable proof does Alec need of Bane’s grim exploitative nature? There is a mention of how Shadowhunters stash weapons on holy ground. Bane has a bitter tone and is an emotional void. Jace gets his shirt off.
There is no societal decency or coherent statement of purpose. Valentine has fatal arrogance. Sebastian has a personality meltdown. The plot is all astonishing improbability. Valentine is a moral aberration and does vengeful deeds while doing his whisper shout vocal intonations. Nobody finds Valentine walking around with a huge sword on his back odd. Sebastian has blood racing fury and is hostile-minded. Nobody checks Sebastian is dead after the climatic fight. What did Valentine offer to the treacherous Seelie Queen? This was okay.
Best Lines:
“Ask for help.”
“From who?”
“You don’t want things to end well do you?”
“Kinda makes me the favourite son.”
“Find out who’s the best JC.”
Beside Still Water
Sebastian is NOT dead, like duh. Maia is in peril. Sarah Hyland prances as the Seelie Queen. Bane could care less. Alec is always seeking Bane’s affection. A demon attacks. Valentine has murderous purpose. Bane is smug and unapologetic. WTF is his damage? He’s rude to Alec and emotionally abuses him some more. Luke smacks a Seelie. Valentine’s followers show up and bother Jace and Clary and threaten violence. Bane has a combative attitude and no contrition.
Simon lies. Valentine wants so desperately to be right, that he has made all aspects of his life subservient to that desire. Self accepted rules and norms are tossed aside. Jace is murdered by Valentine. Clary fights her mad dad. Can the sword and cup be retrieved? Valentine raises the Angel (Anthony Head). The Angel was first raised 1000 years ago. Clary kills her mad dad. Jace is resurrected.
There are lies. The downworlders party when they did nothing to stop Valentine other than ally with lying Seelies. Alec grovels to Bane instead of treating him with understandable contempt. There is purposeful ambiguity over Jace rising again. Luke’s partner bothers him. Will someone just get rid of her? Simon goes to the Seelies cos he is useless. Sebastian and his demonic mother hang out. Is it Jocelyn?!? This was good.
Best Lines:
“Night children.”
“Compel from me an action.”
“What is it that you ask?”
“I will grant but one.”
~
Mother
In 2163 an unwashed Cole broods, exposition is spewed and weird staffs are waved. Faran Tahir guest stars. Cole obsesses over Cassie and ignores Jennifer and Ramse being missing. Cassie is apparently his means of deliverance from an unbearable situation. ‘Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome’ escapees yell and fight. Jones the old German hag is incapable of expressing empathy toward anyone, even her own daughter Hannah.
Why do the Army of the 12 Monkeys carry out unrelenting efforts to destroy time? This show is very grey looking. Cole is disconsolate and disparaging. Cassie’s pregnant and in red and in Titan. TPTB try for some ‘Handmaid’s Tale’ homages. Cassie’s earnest do-gooding was all for naught, all the Army of the 12 Monkeys care about is her child. People utter dire but incoherent warnings. Where do Titan get all their food and décor?
Cole has a fist fight. This ep was woeful. The narrative oscillates. Cole and his future self talk. There are reputations for aggression and impulsivity issues all round. Jennifer is in 1917. Evil Germans are incurious about the crazy American woman. Jennifer screeches about the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. Cole is morally opposed to sense. The Army of the 12 Monkeys require compliance. Cassie plans suicide. Just jump Cassie! Stop talking! Cassie jumps in slow-motion and the Army of the 12 Monkeys rewind time. Who is the old dude? There is death and slapping and Cassie gives birth.
Best Lines:
“Defeat an enemy from our own future.”
“The mother is not the belly that bears the child. But the hand that cradles.”
“You told him there was hope.”
“From a time long past.”
“Can’t you formulate a plan for once in your life?”
“The Forest Of Red forever.”
“It’s already happened! And will again!”
“No matter what we do it never gets better.”
Guardians
In 1921 4 bowler hatted figures carry a box around. Why are they in Paris? Jennifer tries to do a ‘Back To The Future part 2’ trick and then she gets a job in a music hall and imitates Chaplin and re-enacts ‘ET’, ‘Alien’ and ‘Jaws’. TPTB mock the show’s ratings. I can’t believe ‘Outlander’ is more popular than this. Jennifer was a POW and nobody looked for her despite her doing an album and her music hall act.
Cole is an awful awful person. As is Jones. Ramse son’s Sam is found. There is fake blood all around. There is no epic heroism. There is no whiff of danger. There is mumbling and they’ll never achieve the desired result because they are awful. There is bizarro world plotting robs the protagonists of believability. There is attrition and grim symmetry and angry disputes.
No wonder The Witness is a psycho considering the way he was raised. Cole finally learns manners. The Army of the 12 Monkeys have portable splinter machines. This ep has no actual significance. This was idiotic.
Best Lines:
“Not even god will help you.”
“All I ever do is help you Cole!”
“We’re in exile territory.”
“This is my distraction dance.”
“You look like a serving wench.”
Enemy
Jones is untrusting of Ramse. Olivia is put in a cell, Ramse is aggrieved and Jones and her stupid accent annoys. Get Jones off my TV! All Cole cares about is Cassie. Cole and Cassie created Olivia, not that Cole cares. Cole is dumb. Deacon isn’t dead. German is spoken. Deacon plans vengeful violence. There is so much talking. Jones is petty. Ramse knows his son was killed by Cole and Cassie’s son. He’s lying again and plotting. Deacon is defiant and has bitter regret. He saves Cassie. I feel a lack of engagement. Cole can’t see Ramse’s dissension. Typical.
Best Lines:
“You got to hurt.”
“I lost mine. Twice.”
“You don’t get to apologise lady.”
“Halfway through the beating.”
“One day, far from now, you’ll be called upon.”
“The day you started hitting back.”
“Playing god lacks ambition.”
“They called her doctor grim.”
“Mad Max tough guy.”
“Chaos of history.”
“Legend of things yet to be done.”