epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Shadowhunters 2x12-2x15 Reviewed

You Are Not On Your Own
Simon screwed Clary. The obvious improbability of this is a never-dying shame. A demon has devious intentions and combative instincts. Valentine has righteous belligerence. Simon doesn’t know Jace isn’t Clary’s brother. He wants Clary to blow Jace off. Simon has the foulest moral deviance.

Will Tudor guest stars. Clary clutches a sheet to her chest with white knuckles to prevent even a hint of side-boob showing. Simon isn’t shy about showing off his daywalking. Jace and his grandmother hang out, even though they don’t know yet. Izzy and Sebastian (Tudor) have morbid theatrics. Neither he nor Valentine have creepy glory, an ominous feel or macabre majesty. Nobody wonders about Sebastian.

One cannot engage with the material in any meaningful way. Alec points out Sebastian’s obvious weirdness only to face Izzy’s righteous indignation in another of her mistaken decisions. The demon has no intimidation factor. Alec kills the demon and that’s that. Valentine has malicide and the basest motives. The demon was not a mortal threat.

Bane tries to tell Alec who he is and it feels dubious and Bane has twinges of despair. Clary faces an undercurrent of distrust and suspicion. This was absolutely ludicrous. Raphael’s sister is menaced. One feels a consistent abhorrence for Simon. There is no solemn attention to sense. Bane is pathetic. This ep is non performing. Izzy spills the Jace sitch to Simon. Raphael menaces. Simon’s secret is out.

There is no emotional payload. Nobody says things charismatically or with deep feeling. I don’t condone Simon’s life decisions or repellent traits. This was not tragic or poignant, just profoundly irritating. There are grave and consequential errors of judgement that nobody owns up to or apologises for. Valentine has vanity and hubris. This ep is comically awful Valentine reveals that Jace is the grandson of the Inquisitor.

There is mirthless bleak determination. Valentine is divested of morality or humanity. Bane whinges. This causes eye rolling impatience. Simon is all boorishness, vanity and self involvement. The body switch is undone.

Best Lines:
“I don’t do groups.”

“Never love you.”

Those Of Demon Blood
Maia mocks Jace. This has no emotional pull and is not culturally relevant. Simon does a relentless dismissal of Jace. People are desperately cruel to Jace. Simon is infinitely committed to himself. One feels dislike and contempt for Simon. Izzy goes to NA meetings and people think she’s talking about heroin. Simon has faux humility and flawed reasoning. This ep is a deadening grind.

Vampires worship the foul appalling Simon. This is uncharming and twee. There are deaths and Luke is simply awful. Alec snots. Jace goes from being treated with undeserved infamy and unparalleled distain to being Shadowhunter royalty. Nobody has godly purpose. This is not doom laden. Bane prances. People don’t care for the limits of common decency. Nobody is moral just deranged, debauched and morally repugnant.

A baddie walks with a slow menacing gait. Bane throws Alec out with righteous fury. Simon tries for ethical leadership. Clary is in peril. Max mumbles. This ep is not consequential. Simon snots and is nakedly provocative. People castigate. Maia snots. Luke yells. Sense is implicitly absent. Nobody has recognisable motives. Maia has displeasure. There is no decency as Shadowhunters judge downworlders against their standards and are furious at them for failing to meet them.

Clary snots about Shadowhunters falling short of their secret duties. Clary is the arbiter of ethical leadership. Raphael has blithe disregard. This ep embraces absurdity and is particularly frustrating. People have adversarial positions. There is no emotional charge. Maia has innate hostility and triumphalist tones. Downworlders act like militant victims. Moral and emotive words are yelled.

Izzy whips out a bo-staff. This ep was a lame juvenile farce. Smug meriocrats demand loyalty and have characteristic contempt. Cruel and pointless conflict drags on. Max is in peril. Who is the killer? There is impertinence. Bane nearly cheats on Alec. Jace decides that Alec is to run the Institute. Jace has a simplistic deterministic view of things. This was not inherently interesting. The morality investigation and imposition of authority just ends.

Who is the wrong doer? There is bad lip syncing. There is no mortal dread. Maia and Jace make out as a capper to this wretched ep. People have twisted motives.

Best Line:
“I’ve had 3 different last names in this summer.”

“An old Shadowhunter family.”

“We are the Kennedys.”

“”Be over-dramatic.”

“This isn’t a leather bar.”

“I have clearance.”
“Not anymore.”

“I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“If?”

“I’m not saying thank you.”

The Fair Folk
Jace or his hand double I don’t know plays piano. Sebastian (Will Tudor) lurks. This is not mood creating. Luke sneers and has deliberate defiance and isn’t conciliatory. Simon crashes a visit to the Seelie court. Simon and Clary have a good laugh at Jace; Simon is not light and witty. Alec does a somewhat dramatic display of virtuous independence and moral probity.

Alec’s infamously combative mother returns. Simon annoys with reckless abandon and irritating regularity. He is thankless. Why do Shadowhunters have runes on their backs? How do they activate them? Izzy works out in a sports bra and whines about the perfection trap. Jace forcefully relays warnings. Nobody listens. Luke’s idiot partner squeaks.

Why is Izzy hanging out with Raphael who planned to murder Clary and nearly got Jace killed? Luke is misaligned. The Seelies do malign behaviour and malign activities and have an uncompromising line. Luke plans to do something stupid regardless of the consequences of the deed or the probability of personal escape. Seelies have corrupt intent. Raphael has a deeply emotional attitude to Sebastian.

Luke’s darkest urges are facilitated. Clary kisses Jace and Simon whinges and is a tool. I don’t care that Simon’s feelings for Clary fragilise. She doesn’t love you, you blind idiot. Alec does a reflective assessment.

Best Lines:
“Whenever I would make a mistake he’d break the offending finger.”

“Valentine’s experiments.”

“You read?”

“Trick you into your own self-destruction.”

“Woodland hippies.”

“Saving you as usual.”
“From a tree?!?”
“That is called a kill tree.”

“Don’t touch, eat or smell anything.”

“What is this place? A drug den?”

“They’re all in your service.”

A Problem Of Memory
What the hell is TPTB's Simon obsession this season? Everyone is either talking about him or he’s in every other scene. Simon is emotionally destroyed - oh boo hoo. Simon is wilfully antagonistic. Sebastian has finally become plot relevant in quasi-dramatic fashion. Simon has a drinking problem, a lying problem and a murdering problem.

The season heads towards its closing narrative crisis. Jace does affected relaxation and wants Clary. Where does Clary live now? What about Jocelyn’s apartment? Why is Clary obsessing over Simon? Will Tudor gurns. The eminently readable books are a so-so TV show. Simon faces temptation overload and goes on about his and Clary’s uncertain ties and how she isn’t exactly what he imagined.

Valentine goes on about cutting Jace out of his dead mother. Valentine does his trademark egotistical gloating. I’m tired of continuous discourse about Simon. There are no common moral beliefs. Sebastian isn’t the real Sebastian. Simon minimises discourse about what he did. When did Simon learn to fight? There is no relatable sense of humanity or complex or enthralling performances. Simon kills someone. This was terrible. Valentine escapes again. This is not an ever-escalating tragedy.
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