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6 TV Reviews

Timeless 2x03

A Rittenhouse plant carries out their eternal spite in 1941 LA. They plan a cultural transformation. A woman has cognitive decline. Flynn and his male swagger was shanked in jail and he sneers at Lucy and co and the catastrophic situation they’re in. The strident snotty woman has no moral standing. I feel less and less concerned about the stakes on this show, which has a reluctance to embrace realism. Lucy sings. There is no epic melodrama.

Heddy Lamar shows up. Rittenhouse steals ‘Citizen Kane’. Wyatt never saw it. Mason is disrespected. People crash a Hearst party. Rufus mangles Will Smith. Rittenhouse plan to make ‘Jurassic Park’ in the 40s? Wyatt’s wife is not dead anymore just after he and Lucy got it on. Mason is bad-mouthed constantly. There is more death. Flynn does a time travel assisted prison break. No, just no.

Best Lines:
“Stand still and look stupid.”

“We can’t be here to answer for this.”

“There’s no medicine to fix this.”

“Hollywood has no culture.”

“Bends history in their favour.”

“Hamilton? As a musical?”

“Inventing wi-fi.”

“I don’t want a damn Netflix subscription.”

“Steal clothes wherever we go like Winona Ryder pre ‘Stranger Things’.”


“Do you have any ability to do this on your own?”

“I’m familiar with acoustic coupling.”

“I hate it when a department store clerk thinks I’m there to shoplift and he’s actually right.”

Century City 1x05

To Know Her
This was not gloriously twisted. Lucas represents (unwillingly) a sex attack victim. This is a conflation of misery and ordinary bitches. The woman claims her attacker was 20 miles away when he used nanities to spy on her and her boyfriend having sex. There is no such thing as personal dignity in the future.

Jerks have avuncular facades. The resident law firm jerk jokes about the attack. Klea Scott, Don Most, Jeremy Davidson and Roma Maffia guest star. There is no emotional register in this terrible ep. A child star hires the laughing jerk to represent him. This ep is unspeakably hellish and brain deadening. The child star wants to be legally emancipated and take a drug to delay puberty so he’ll never grow up. Puberty will kill his career.

The judge talks about liking the sex attacker. There is no moral authority. The child star whines about ex-child star pain. The sex attacker somehow recorded the attack. People blather about PDAS and chips ignoring that if you can record memories and other people’s experiences, this could be a world changing invention. This is yet another ep in which Nestor does nothing.

The jerk lectures the child star’s parents on how to parent. The sex attacker does a dubious insinuating spin on his actions. Men whine about not getting sex from women. Nobody has empathy. There is no clamour of complaint about the rampant sexism and entitlement on display. There is no moral authority. The woman’s violation is played to the jury as porno music plays. Lawyers yell in court about real rape and real victims.

Lucas does a long porno style talk about sex and appeals to the jury to think about their wives and daughters. Who wrote this crap? Did nobody notice how awful and sexist it was? The jerk hangs out with the child star. The sex attack victim wins her civil court case but it is all about Lucas’ man pain. TPTB lack the capability and will to carry this show’s ambitious central conceit off.

Best Lines:
“Mourning and angry all at the same time.”

“Macho affectation.”

“Watching TV for money.”

“I’m not paying you to look stupid.”

“Be an overnight nobody out there robbing convenience stories for attention.”

“People stopped liking me.”

“In a gang neighbourhood!”

“He’s not evil, he’s pathetic.”

Shadowhunters 2x07-2x09

How Art Thou Fallen
Luke’s sister was a follower of Valentine and his toxic impulses. The morally repulsive Valentine is intractable in his awfulness. Dominic Sherwood was in ‘Vampire Academy’ apparently. Bane and Alec talk in gratingly childish fashion. Clary ignores the ruin of Jace’s reputation and how he’s being treated with a certain degree of suspicion and aversion to fawn over Simon. If this show follows the books and has Simon become a Shadowhunter and parabatai with Clary, I’ll vomit.

Jace aggressively tries to shut out the world. Izzy whines and divisions are stirred. No cohesive unit against Valentine is formed. People have been driven to enmity. Bane mentions Jem from the ‘Infernal Devices’ books. Izzy isn’t winsome. This ep is not hauntingly sad. People are in a murky ethical realm. Luke is dour. There are seemingly unbridgeable divides. Season 2 has been an exercise in frustration. Valentine has an Angel captive. Luke is thick. There is a fight and this was okay.

Best Lines:
“The sex step?”

“You read?”

“Don’t you dare call me that!”

Love Is A Devil
Izzy is on magical drugs. Luke rages. The idiot kid Max shows up. Valentine tries to be an intimidating physical presence. Simon blathers. Cats wander around Bane’s flat. Simon’s sulking behaviour wins Clary over and they rub it in Jace’s face. Clary’s monotning is burdensome. I guess Valentine and Luke’s parabatai bond is broken because nobody suggests tracking Valentine that way.

Izzy gets magic drugs in an alley whilst dressed like a hooker. Max rejects Jace and Jace is rejected by his once-devoted foster mother. There is no all important reconciliation. There is conflict as Jace faces pejoratives and people have a negative opinion of him. A vampire talks quietly. People hallucinate and this causes yelling and disbelieving outrage and raging. None of which actually happen. This was mmmm.

Best Lines:
“Jace isn’t my brother...mom says you’re not even part of our family.”

“The Real Housewives Of Idris.”

“Nobody’s going to miss you.”

“That’s not an option you want to explore.”

Bound By Blood
Simon and Clary shag. I hate Simon and want for the continuing source of tension to shut up. Clary finally decides to fulfil her blood oath. She is terrible at spiritual defence. The Clave twerp hits on Izzy; he is jocularly terrible and enforces ‘order’ with zeal. Bane mutters oracular wisdom. The Clave git is a post shame contrarian. Clary hit’s a werewolf with an oar, it’s Maia being murdery.

Cod-mysticism is babbled. Simon is useless. Valentine hangs out at a fairground. Simon is an unproductive tool. Dot bores. Maia annoys. Alec is sick of the Clave git and his lack of moral standards. The vampire Raphael and Izzy hang out. He has ‘Jersey Shore’ hair. Simon has no gratitude and Valentine’s unbridled ambition goes on.

Izzy groans as Raphael bites her and all I can think about is her hair going in the food. Jace and the creepy Valentine talk. Alec punches Raphael right in the face, a lot. Clary and Valentine babble about humanity, they’re not human. The Clave jerk talks too much and throws his weight around. This was okay apart from the too-cute dialogue and intrusive indie pop.

Best Lines:
“What skills?”

“That’s not the plot of that book at all.”

The Americans 5x06

Misha’s back in the perpetually grey USSR. Philip moans about having everything and how it is strange. Wheat is obsessed over. Stan and co bother more Russians. Elizabeth has to hang out with the wheat guy who is into New Age crap. Oleg and co bore. Gabriel is heading home. Elizabeth sees a shrink as part of a mission; he doesn’t notice that she is a lying liar who lies. Henry talks to Stan. This bores. Philip learns his father was a guard at a penal camp and that he came from what was considered a trustworthy family.

Best Lines:
“Once they start worrying about somebody, they never stop.”

“Henry screws up again. What else is new?”

“We were all nobodies.”

“Capitalist class structure.”

“My whole country came out of those ideas.”

“I don’t think he’s particularly happy.”
“Has he ever been?”

Gotham 4x03

The Fear Reaper
Why is Bruce the determinative one? Why is a teenager running the house? Why doesn’t Alfred sort him out? Bruce and Alfred lie to Gordon. This show suffers from unambtion; Scarecrow bothers the Arkham warden and sounds like he is reading his lines off a cue card. Bruce is exceptionally difficult to care about. Quality is not something that is being envisaged. Sense is vigorously rejected.

Barbara is alive, oh hell no. Tabitha and Selina are asked to work for her. Barbara doesn’t wear a bra or a blouse. Tabitha misses Butch more than Theo. Bruce is not respectful or grateful to Alfred. Scarecrow causes panic reactions in people. Gordon yells abuse at his co-workers. Ivy is ill-treated. Gordon walks off the fear gas. Complacent Bruce is ungrateful, rude, thankless and a spoilt brat.

Fox lurks and ‘Batman Begins’ is ripped off. Fox gives Bruce what is essentially the Batsuit. Ivy steps up and chugs potions. Gordon gets another bad idea. Alfred makes the mask, Bruce poses and does not say thank you.

Best Lines:
“Play nice.”

“Another club? In Gotham? How original.”

“Italians do not forger that crap!”

“Positively gazelle like.”

Doubt 1x06

Sadie and Billy flaunt their relationship. He’s an obvious ominous presence. Sadie can’t be arsed to do her job. People sue a rehab and go on about an assault. The plotline of Billy’s forgotten adopted sister makes no sense. The assault case turns into murder. The lawyers don’t care that their client murdered someone. Sadie shrieks and yells. A dead man is blamed for causing his own murder. This sucked.

Best Lines:
“I always have a knife.”

“A 6 dollar padlock.”

“In with the hookers, where else.”

“Once the attacker disengages, it’s no longer self-defence.”

“Juries don’t love I don’t remember.”

“My husband hasn’t cheated on me in years. Mostly because he’s dead.”

“Reasonable provocation.”

“A toilet with a cord on it.”

“Everyone owes you something.”

“Not that other name.”
Tags: century city, gotham, mortal instruments, review, the americans, timeless

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