The When In Roma affair
Ugly Americans are abroad. One is despairing of season 3. It’s a taint on the show. Did none of TPTB notice the misjudgement? Solo and Illya fight evil with matey unity. Solo faces a fearsome challenge. TPTB seemed to have unwavering intent and malevolent determination to get this show cancelled.
People mumble. Illya comes out of Solo’s closet and tackles him to the floor, too briefly. The guest stars have an obsessive need to annoy. A bad child actor is brazenly bad. The duo do little to accomplish Thrush’s ruin. This is not emotion rousing. This was twaddling and hokey. The duo show manifestations of latent hostility.
“Try to think Vito. I know it isn’t easy, but try.”
“Thanks a lot Count.”
The Apple A Day Affair
A guy wears a really bad fake disguise. The terrible shift in tone of the show drags on. There are no over-arching plot arcs. There is overwrought rhetoric and apples as weapons. Redneck white trash defy the duo’s urban presuppositions.
There are no jovial country folk. Illya is in a sulk. Solo romances a hick girl. Solo is nearly forced to marry, again. ‘The Defiant Ones’ is ripped off. People have ingratitude. This does not have a certain resonance. Illya busts up Solo’s latest shotgun wedding. Solo is always looking for the wrong sort of affection from the wrong sort of people. This was not wonderfully tense just stupid. The point of this ep is unascertained. The hick girl is named after a tampon brand. Sigh.
“The second-most hateful man in the valley.”
“Come on surly with me.”
The Five Daughter’s Affair, Part I
Illya and Solo drive an attention getting car and apparently have no peripheral vision as attack helicopters chase them. Herbert Lom, Kim Darby, Joan Crawford, Curt Jurgens and Telly Savalas guest star. People mumble about water being turned into gold. Illya is never perturable. This ep is preordained to suck. There is no emotional potency just padding and 60s music. Jill Ireland is in this lousy ep.
“It was Thrush wasn’t it?”
The Five Daughters Affair, Part II
There is no looming sense of dread. Everyone is a self-involved jackass. Season 3 is grudge worthy and best forgotten. There is no moral tension. This ep is an endurance test for viewers. This is not darkly compelling or grimly mesmerising. This has no potency. Furcoats are worn. This is not a grim fable. What is the narrative agenda? Nothing in this ep is in the realm of possibility.
The Cap And Gown Affair
Season 3 could madden you into misanthropy. This final ep of season 3 is unrelentingly bleak and devoid of hope. It is all averageness. Students protest. A university teaches eugenics. A student wants to mate with Illya. There is a pillow fight, people get walloped with a History Of Pacifism book and Solo sounds rapey. This is offensively stupid and profoundly average. This is only notable for guest starring Zalman King of ‘The Red Shoe Diaries’.