epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The Guard + Vegas Vacation + 2 others

The Guard (2011)
An Irish comedy that sees a slob Garda and an FBI agent look into drug smuggling. There are comedy criminals, lots of swearing and murder. The slob cop rolls around with hookers and he does no work. The FBI agent (Don Cheadle) is bemused by Ireland and the locals are unimpressed that he is not a serial killer profiler. Mark Strong is in this as a baddie.

There is an annoying kid. There are jokes about gay IRA men infiltrating MI5 and no moral behaviour. The criminals have no grim grit or regret and they are ferociously unhinged. There is no clear cut morality spectrum. Work is not a strategic priority for the ‘hero’. The baddies are not sinister villainous types. The impious ‘hero’ bumbles and his dying mother has weary acceptance. There are no emotional consequences. There is a showdown and an ambigious ending. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Not in front of the American.”

“You’re boring the hole off me.”

“The significance of the pot plant has me somewhat perplexed.”

“I put an ad in the paper saying henchmen wanted.”

“Probably hasn’t had this much fun since they burned all those kids at Waco.”

Vegas Vacation (1997)
This doesn’t have the National Lampoon name on it. This was a franchise killer until the revival. Randy Quaid, Chevy Chase, Ethan Embry, Marisol Nichols, Shae D’Lynn, Wayne Newton, Siegfried and Roy, Sid Caesar and Wallace Shawn star. Chase drives dangerously and is an inconsiderate gambling addict.

There is no logical justification for this movie. The kids have been recast AGAIN. This was unpromising. Las Vegas rebranded itself as a family holiday destination and this entire film seems product placement for that. This was all inadequacy and it was unbelievably stupid.

Naturally there is rampant chaos and total mayhem during the total disaster holiday. Chase is responsible for the breakdown of moral values. Quaid is the socially undesirable relative. Chase has never sought forgiveness for his crap. Siegfried and Roy do their animal act, the poor tigers. Chase pervs over a woman in a car. People talk about having a beeper. They visit the Hoover Dam. Rednecks are dumb and this was bad.

Best Lines:
“I hardly recognise you anymore.”

“Her picture’s everywhere: phone booths, men’s room.”

“Hose down now kids.”

“Wrestle the potato salad away from the dog.”

“I love electricity. Eddie said we’re going to get some soon.”

Robin Hood (1973)
A silly cartoon.

The Flight of The Phoenix (1965)
This was okay and uncloying.
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