epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: Shattered Innocence + Sint + 9 others

Shattered Innocence (1988)
This TV movie tells the true story of a small town girl who worked in the porn industry and died. There is overwrought acting and the girl’s seedy boyfriend drags her down. Her parents nag her and don’t listen. This was dull and the ruined girl is lost. She goes into the world’s sleaziest modelling agency after running away from home.

Her parents brim over with concern for her welfare which may not be the truth. A nice photographer photographs her. She embraces porn and the money. Her scummy boyfriend screams about NUDE modelling. There is more overwrought acting and people are terrible. Her parents scream about SCUM and decent people.

There is wooden acting and cocaine abuse and huge hair. There is nose rubbing and phones from the 80s. She gets a new boyfriend and wears a scrunchie. This is not a heart-rending insight as she ignores all advice. Good decisions played no part in the narrative of her life. She does loops for slot machines in porn shops. Her parents say this doesn’t align with their morals. This was dull and insalubrious.

Best Lines:
“I don’t like this boy!”

“Eleven o clock is a ridiculous curfew!”

“They’re boring!”

“Nice people in the Midwest.”

“We do nude here.”

“You’re doing porno!”

“Learn how to budget.”

~
Sint aka Saint Nick (2010)
This Dutch horror suffers from bad subtitling but is good. Santa’s come to slay. In 1492 an evil Bishop and his evil minions and his horse rampaged. Bad bad Niklas! The villagers grabbed torches and farming implements and got rid of him. In 1968 there was bad acting and ugly jumpers and people died as blood flew and Niklas returned. Now it is now and he’s back again.

All the kids seem to ride vespas to school. Who will survive and what will be left of them? This is from the director of the memorable ‘Amsterdamned’. A police officer (who was the sole survivor of the 1968 incident) shoots his present, over-sexed students are over-sexed, a hooker dresses as Santa, tourists scoff and there is causal discussion of parental polymory.

Murderous Black Peters swarm and this cannot be accused of predictability. There are some moments of hilarity and some of sheer tastelessness. There is death and destruction, black comedy, incredibly obvious VFX and a really effective jump scare.

Best Lines:
“Check out our pigs?”

“Did you dare doing that?”

“Puts the naughty children in his sack and takes them to Spain.”

“Could you explain me something?”

~
The Net (1995)
Poo.

The Mask (1994)
Okay.

Three Men And A Baby (1987)
Okay.

Romancing The Stone (1984)
No.

Addicted To Love (1997)
Poo.

Notting Hill (1999)
Rubbish.

Air Force One (1997)
Okay.

Shanhgai Noon (2000)
Okay.

Interview With The Vampire (1992)
OTT.
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