epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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The Family 1x12 + The Man From U.N.C.L.E 3x03-3x06 + Supergirl 3x09 Reviewed

What Took So Long
There are flashbacks to Ben and Adam and their tantrums. Jane fawns over the captive FBI agent. The mother cracks up. Hank cruises a playground and indulges in his life-consuming obsession. The vile reporter sleazes. Doug is shot. Jane runs. The FBI agent is found. Doug will get away with it again. Danny is useless and learns he was right about Adam not being Adam. The vile reporter taunts Willa. John hangs out with Hank and has a contemptuous attitude.

Hank can’t handle the life he chooses for himself. He doesn’t seem ashamed of the person he is. This is the final ever episode as this show was cancelled. This was not fascinatingly good. It is full of moral peculiarities. Everyone seems motivated by malice. There is no Grant Show. Danny stomps off. Doug killed a previous victim. Adam isn’t dead and he’s with Jane and the baby. WTF? How did the reporter end up dead in the woods? Who is the father of Jane’s baby? Adam calls Ben and wants his life back. How did Adam get out of the hole? How long has been out? Why didn’t he run? This show ends; there is no sense or emotional connection.

Best Lines:
“They never found me.”
“No one was looking!”

“Where’s your monster taking you?”

~
The Galatea Affair
There is really bad VFX of gondola riding. A big straw hat is worn. A mystery man gives orders and is planning evil things. Solo ends up in hospital so Illya has to partner with a recast Mark Slate (Noel Harrison). Meanwhile Joan Collins plays the dual roles of Bibi and Rosy.

Bibi, an evil Baroness has cool resolve. Slate ‘helps’ Illya to foil the Baroness. They hire a low-rent stripper, Rosy, who looks exactly like Bibi for mock drama. There is no impeccable logic just a crisis of reckoning. Collins shows actual acting skill and Illya does self-satisfied smirks of disinterest.

There is an unsafe looking wheelchair ramp. A malign Baron is a morbid presence. Bibi pretends to be Rosy to foil UNCLE. Slate bleats forlornly. UNCLE is fooled by THRUSH and their sour lives. This show depicts a bleak and barren social and intellectual climate. Slate is calamitously stupid. Illya yells as he and Rosy are shut up in some weird metal contraptions. Everybody lives happily ever after, more or less. This was actually fairly entertaining.

Best Line:
“Pay-off girl.”



The Super-Colossal Affair
A poor donkey wears a hat. Solo is shot in unflattering close-up and acts like a wine-drunk aunt. Illya wears a fake beard. Mob guys talk with thick mob guy accents. Solo wears a nice suit and then plops Illya’s fake beard and a donkey blanket on his head to pretend to be an old woman.

Ginger the idiot du jour is shot in such unflattering close-up that her leg hair is unflatteringly visible. Illya wears an extremely tight white t-shirt. Ginger is the imbecile girlfriend of a fat mob git. A movie director whines as the show goes Hollywood. People are of homicidal temperament and Ginger can’t act.

There is wary contempt. Solo has to bust Illya out of a death-trap. People keep using the term syndicate instead of mafia. Illya rides a bomb which turns out to be filled with the essence of skunk. This was good, skunk bomb aside.

Best Lines:
“The usual reason that family gets together is funerals.”
“Large ones.”

“Is the pool broken?”

“Egg-cooker repairman?”


The Monks Of St. Thomas Affair
Solo and Illya are soaked by a sprinkler. Waverly babbles about a beam. Solo prances around a monastery. This had no noble purpose. The stupid innocent du jour can’t act. Did all the hard kids join THRUSH? One can see how season 3 had a grave negative impact on the show. There is bad acting and this sucked.


The Pop-Art Affair
Solo and Waverly play golf in ugly clothes while Illya caddies. A beatnik dies. Illya pretends to be a beatnik. People speak beatnik. There is pop art and more guest stars who can’t act. The clothes are ugly, Illya rants and there is a happening and hiccup gas. Illya is menaced by suds, dangles upside down from a tree and a moll is killed. This was woeful. Solo has haughty callousness. There is sexism and ridiculousness. This was stupidity. Illya is emotionally glacial. Nobody is a moral colossus.

Solo is useless. People suffer adverse consequences. There is a hot air balloon, teeth drilling dialogue, method emoting, dud lines, an aggressive lack of talent and Illya shrugging off being shot in the neck. This was awfulness. This was wildly implausible jumbled incoherence. This was unsatisfactory with no interlocking storylines.

Best Lines:
“Shoot up there and smell grass.”

“Sacked out.”

“You spray and I spray.”

“A wolf in Beats clothing.”

“Your Dostoyevsky eyes.”

“Graze in your pasture later.”

“Those are bullets!”

“$4.95. I needed rent money.”

“Lose something daddy?”


~
Reign
Sam is now the devastatingly hostile Reign, some of the time anyway. Ruby annoys. Where is Max Lord?!?!? Why is Mon-El a constant male presence on this show? He’s got haughty callousness. His bint wife goes on and on about the Legion. Winn bores. I don’t care about Kara’s emotional fall. Kara dismisses her friendship with Winn and James. WTF is old Krypton?

Adrian Pasdar and Carl Lumley and Chad Lowe guest star. Kara faces horrible retribution for her presumption. Kara does sad acting. There is a moral war with Reign. Mon-El’s bint can’t act. Some dude (Lowe) blathers about a dark god. Did Mon-El and his bint know Kara would be nearly killed by Reign?

It’s Christmas Eve and did Lena see Guardian’s shield? Edge tries to kill Lena, again. There are incoherent fight scenes. Where did Sam get the costume and mask and voice changer? How does Kara not notice that Reign is Sam? Morgan Edge has a lead-lined panic room. Mmmm. Lena and James hook up. Kara causes property destruction as she fights Reign. Kara bleeds and is battered unconscious. Why didn’t the worldkiller snap her neck? Will Reign kill Ruby on Christmas Day? This was good.

Best Lines:
“A Lilith made of darkness and teeth.”

“Stand and smite her.”

“The narrative he chooses to believe.”

“Be alien.”
Tags: man from uncle, supergirl, the family
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