epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Movie Reviews: Ant-Man + Wild

Ant-Man (2015)
In 1989 a weirdly de-aged Michael Douglas as Hank Pym yells at the awful Howard Stark and a weirdly aged Agent Carter. People are jerks and there is muttering about Hank’s wife Janet and his Pym particle. In the present day, two two-bit criminals blather. Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) has a masters in electrical engineering but ends up at Baskin-Robbins. Hank Pym’s daughter Hope (Evangeline Lilly) works for Dr Cross (Corey Stoll).

Hank was Ant-Man back in the day. Dr Cross is smarmy. Hank wears a fake beard. Dr Cross invents the YellowJacket suit for modern warfare. Scott has a daughter with an ex and she has a possible stepfather. The ex whines about child support. Dr Cross whines and over-acts. Hope regards Dr Cross with good reason as self-serving. Scott shows off his soulful machismo. Dr Cross has amused contempt for everyone.

Scott has no moral uplift and plans nefarious activities. Nobody has stern morality. Dr Cross has no toxic malevolence. Where are the Avengers? Nobody has moral insight. Scott steals Hank’s old leather gimp suit and puts it on and shrinks. Hank wants Scott to help him stop Dr Cross’ discreditable conduct.

There is a hilarious training montage. Hope’s mother Janet was The Wasp and died or did she in the line of duty. The Falcon fights Scott. There is bad acting and is Dr Cross crazy because of the Pym particles? Oh who cares. Dr Cross goes super-villain. There is a big showdown with a Thomas The Tank Engine toy. This was silly. Bobby Cannavale, Michael Pena, a giant ant and T.I co-star.

Best Lines:
“How’s your girl man?”
“Oh she left me.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah my mom died too. And my dad got deported.”

“Baskin Robbins always finds out.”

“Baskin Robbins don’t play.”

“He didn’t get an invitation. But he came anyway.”

“That guy?”

“Chose my mentor poorly.”

“Please stop telling me that lie.”

“I’ll blow your brains out and peel it off.”

“You need to desist.”

~
Wild (2014)
A woman goes on an appallingly ill-considered hike. This was done with deadly serious intent but no searing insight. This is full of immensely annoying characters and ego-driven antics. This is boring and not genuinely affecting or life-defining.

The heroine has little discernable aptitude for hiking. She’s doing the hike as she’s gone astray in life as incoherent flashbacks reveal. This is not a grimy evocation of a life gone wrong. The heroine meets vaguely discomforting people and she herself is without reputation. She’s an idiot loser who wonders how she became inherently amoral and then decides she’d do it all again. This is all mumbling with insufficient rational for all this.

Best Lines:
“Useless to you.”

“You’re losing toenails.”

“Free box.”

“I stink all the time.”

“I’m going to walk myself back.”

“Hang out with real hikers.”
Tags: agent carter, house of cards, lost, movie review
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