epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Movie Reviews: What We Do In The Shadows + My Scientology Movie + 2 others

What We Do In The Shadows (2014)
Some interviews with some vampires who share a flat in New Zealand. They’re all seedy roués. The obligatory creepy vampires have no strength of purpose and are bilious and have general disenchantment with life. This was not endlessly enjoyable. They are zealous enthusiasts for vampirism and don’t have even a slightly menacing manner. This is about as spooky as a wet sock.

They’re not fearsome just morally inappropriate. If they have no reflections how can they be photographed or filmed? One vampire has a human servant. This was unadventurous. How the vampires see themselves and how they come across is very different. I felt absolute derision for this.

This was all false drama and it was not propulsive. Werewolves show up. This had no sense of direction or purpose. Nobody has moral values. There is no funereal tone and this was not deliciously nasty. There is no knowing kookiness. I wish I was watching the original ‘The Fog’ instead. These characters have no kindness or redeeming qualities whatsoever. None. There is irrational rage and dark conflicted vampires. There is an absence of forward thinking and no respect or care or gravity or melancholy.

This was crude, stupid, thoughtless and off putting. This was completely unlikeable and not ultra bleak or mesmerisingly creepy. There is no terrifying realism as the perennial losers do muddled and deathly dull stuff. This was just plain bad, dreadful crap, lifeless and half cooked.

Best Lines:
“I do my flat chores.”

“Being attacked by ducks.”

“You have not done the dishes for 5 years.”

“Vampires don’t do dishes.”

“This old creepy castle.”

“We are vampires, we don’t put down towels.”

“Flatting situation.”

“We stole that idea from ‘The Lost Boys’.”

“You want to draw attention to this house, umh?”
“You got a whole documentary crew following you around.”

“Homoerotic dick biting club.”

“A rather large amount of shrieking.”

“Bad vampire!”

“Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet.”

“I can smell a virgin.”

~
My Scientology Movie (2015)
Louis Theroux looks into scientology. This was not disquieting or devastatingly honest. This was all aimlessness and manic grins. This doesn’t really cover the malign influence of the poisonous rhetoric. There is no understated menace and this was not intricately wrought. What is with the naval theme?

Best Lines:
“Anything recognisably spiritual.”

“Saving Earth from ruin.”

“Do I look embittered?”

“Facilitate his existence.”

“Do I look like I’m brainwashed to you?”

“Fifty thousand dollars?”

~
Stand By Me (1986)
No.

League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)
Poo.
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