epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Movie Reviews: Dead Snow + Freedom + 4 others

Dead Snow (2009)
Ein! Zwei! Die!
In this Norwegian horror it is morons v the living dead Nazi bastard zombies. You did Nazi this coming! This violates the accepted canons of good taste and crap Norwegian music plays. The characters are Nordic carriers of liberal values and cause clenched frustration as they are unendurable and cause a deadening atmosphere that leaves viewers abject and desperate at their stupidity and vapidity.

This was pestiferous. The characters have inner emptiness and are not loveable idiots. A man mistreats a woman, nobody does anything. This film is pretty rubbish leaving aside the bad subtitles. The characters are all low-level unpleasantness, irrelevantly absorbed in themselves. 14 minutes in and the zombies who harbour evil intentions haven’t emerged with brutal force to do gleefully malicious things.

The characters are emotionally non-reactive and have totally irrational behaviour. There is causal sexism and a harbinger of doom shows up. The characters are comically aghast at the harbinger. He sighs at their awful eejitry. The characters are med students. Yeah, right. They’re tarred by a reputation for selfishness and are undiscerning. There are unpleasant consequences for the poor harbinger.

The wrongness of their life choices are apparent. 30 minutes in and still no zombies. The characters are greedy with no concern for a missing woman, there are no real emotional interactions and this leaves one distinctly unimpressed. They have moral bankruptcy. This was all inadequacy. An annoying fat bloke annoys. Why is it suddenly night and then suddenly daylight? There is large scale disorder and calm and composure are not valued.

A man bites a zombie. There is bad fight choreography. The general euphoria is soured. There is no assistance and this is not a mesmerising portrayal of zombies. This was badly edited, laughable and deplorable. A ‘heroine’ is a bird killer. Bitch. Someone gets a machine gun from somewhere. This was pathetically fallacious and unspectacular and dispiriting and it leaves the audience uninvolved. Combating zombies is futile. This was all confected shock and manufactured excitement.

Best Lines:
“How many films start with a group of friends on a trip to a cabin with no phone signal?”

“Events have occurred here.”

“I’m carrying a shotgun!”

“It sounds like you’ve smoked your underpants.”

~
Freedom (2017)
A documentary about George Michael. No.

Hot Shots (1991)
Okay.

Hot Shots: Part Deux (1993)
Mmmm.

Demon Knight (1995)
No.

The Frighteners (1996)
Okay.
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