epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

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Star Wars The Force Awakens (2015) Rewatch

Ah Adam Driver, the reason to rewatch this. Not so much Domhnall Gleeson. Why does Max Von Sydow only have a tiny cameo? There is idiot comedy and posh UK accents. Still this is okay and doesn’t defile your dignity like the prequels. How did the First Order gain their brutal triumph? Hux (Gleeson) has an unpleasant sneering quality and is unequivocally vile. Rey has aggrieved innocence and Poe is a truly atrocious character. Phasma looms and Finn does baffled stares.

How did Poe survive the crash? Why is Kylo Ren (Driver) so monumentally loyal to the First Order? How did Finn not die in the desert? Why does the First Order worship Snoke? Where is Lando? How did the Millennium Flacon end up in a junkyard? How is Rey a pilot? Why was she abandoned on a desert planet? Nobody seems sufficiently distraught at the First Order blowing up a planet. This while entertaining was not ingenious.

Rey has irritability. The Resistance seem like a gang of malcontents. Kylo Ren throws tantrums. People face indignities. Han Solo has emotional conflict. Kylo Ren is morally impoverished. Leia betokens clueless hope in the face of all the galaxy’s ill. Han Solo and Chewie lurk. Finn has unrelenting panic. Why would, Finn, a stormtrooper call Han Solo a war hero? Kylo Ren has monumental despair.

What is the apocalyptic impact on the galaxy with the acts of the Empire and now the First Order? Why does Han Solo not want to rectify his relationship with his son? WTF is the point of the CGI monsters? J.J. Abrams is master at reeling in an audience. What is with Snoke and the hologram? Who are the Knights of Ren? Did Kylo Ren really get a message from his grandfather? How did he get Vader’s melted mask? Why does Kylo Ren lose total self control? Finn is swivel-eyed. How did Anakin’s old lightsaber end up in a space bar? What is with Rey’s vision?

Hux gives a speech in full Hitler mode whilst wearing a silly hat. This is all space wizards v space Nazis. Who are those people blown up? Do we care? Kylo Ren wants to be cold and unwavering. Han Solo has no gravity or maturity. There is sap and CGI fights. C3PO and Leia show up. Finn overacts. R2D2 has been left under a tarp. Han Solo and Leia are revealed to have been crap parents. Kylo Ren has big hair and issues.

Rey has the Force, but of course. The Resistance blow up Starkiller Base. Han Solo dies at the hands of his conflicted son. How did Kylo Ren get to the surface ahead of Rey and Finn? Why does Kylo Ren hit himself? Poor perfidious Kylo Ren. You can see the Reylo vibes. Did she break his lightsaber? BB-8 is in this. Rey finds Luke Skywalker posing dramatically on a cliff top in Ireland.

Best Lines:
“No prior signs of nonconformity?”

“The droid stole a freighter?”

“Recovered from the archives of the Empire.”

“Move, ball.”

“Turned against him.”

“The Jedi were real?”

“The one I’m pointing to.”

“Unfix it.”

“You ever heard of the Trillia massacre?”
“No.”
“Good.”

“Don’t stare.”
“At what?”
“Any of it.”

“I will finish what you started.”

“Through the ages I’ve seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy.”

“Raised to do one thing.”

“The lightsaber was Luke’s. And his father’s before him.”

“Blast that bucket off your head.”

“The loathsome Resistance.”

“Come to me with Kylo Ren.”
Tags: movie review
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