epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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American Horror Story Roanoke part 3 +Colony 2x11 +Girls (2012-2017) 1x01-1x03 +Reign 4x14 Reviewed

Chapter 8
The characters are completely forsaken. People try to think up enemy defeating techniques. The Polks are openly hostile and morally errant. No-one has any rational dignity. There are grim revelations. Lee feels disquiet. The Polks have gleeful acceptance of their awfulness. A Polk is convivial to Lee. Shelby and Dominic are predominantly negative. This does not entertain wondrous well. Lee did kill her husband and there is death.

Best Lines:
“If you ain’t Polk.”
“You ain’t folk.”

“Paranormal activity s--t.”

“There is no help.”

Chapter 9
A group of Roanoke fans look for the infamous house. There is a hilarious uber sight gag. Lee, Audrey and Dylan try to help Monet. There is more death. This does not resonate or inspire fear. People face a path to ruin. I feel predominantly negative feelings for this non-enthralling mess. There is no conciliation and outlandish plotting.

Did Lee make a deal with the ghost witch? The irritating fans die eventually. This was hope-destroying. Nobody has moral credit and this was underwhelming. There is even more death. Nobody has a prudent attitude. I have literally no idea what’s going on the under-lit scenes. People are of low morals and poor character. There is irritating garrulousness.

Best Line:
“This is such a good idea.”

Chapter 10
Why was the reality show so popular? Everyone hates Shelby and Mr Piggy masks are worn. There is another bad English accent. The fallout of the reality shows goes on. Would anyone seriously air the footage of the 2nd reality show that shows numerous people being violently murdered? Lee is tried twice for her various murders. One Polk is still alive. What happened to the feral Polk children? What happened to Lee’s first daughter? Lee was acquitted twice for the murders she committed!

People are apoplectic. Lee is irrefutably awful and nobody is in moral territory. There is no collective adoration for this. None of this ep makes any sense. Improbably catastrophic things happen. Lee is interviewed by Lana Winters. Who? Apparently she is a character from ‘AHS: Asylum’. Nobody wonders why Lana and Audrey are identical.

This show has passed beyond relevance. Lee faces more attacks on her integrity. Quality is not consistently featured. This show is dispraised. A gang of fools from the show ‘Spirit Chasers’ show up and the morons break into the Roanoke house. Lee has gone crazy. There are more badly lit shenanigans. There is more death. Bloody Flora annoys. There is bad acting, fire and death and the cycle goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

Best Lines:
“Magic pot.”

“It was about me as usual.”

“The biggest fraud since Bernie Madoff.”

“Your rather crude analogy is actually quite true.”

The Lost Boy
There are false premises and intended consequences. Bram takes part in a surprise attack in the green zone which brings chaos. Bram has no careful thought. He and the Resistance are unencumbered by any discernible principles. This was titanic idiocy.

All Charlie’s PTSD seems forgotten. Will and Katie ignore Bram. Is Katie at all concerned about Maddie? Bram has defiant scorn and lies. Nobody has a moral point. People think they can defeat technologically advanced aliens. This ep and season 2 are mediocre in everything. Maddie’s diabetic son shows up. Nobody has a moral point.

Maddie is in trouble. She’s on to Bram. Who is the Ambassador? Where is Snyder’s daughter? People sneer. Ally Walker wears poo coloured bronzer. I detest Katie. Will SHOUTS. Bram killed someone important.

Best Lines:
“For what they’re still doing.”

“He called me from his bunker.”

“They went house to house like the Mansons, it was a massacre.”

There is mumbling. Slacker Hannah is cut off by her parents. This is Lena Dunham dramatizing her own life. She and her friends are place seekers. Various annoying types have boring social activity. Hannah is badly dressed and unemployed. Adam (Adam Driver) is shirtless and has a weird haircut. He and Hannah have weird joyless sex. Hannah shows off her freaky tattoos and is presumptuous. This is both emotionally and practically annoying. This show is not of significance. This is low incident and the characters have minimal charm. Hannah trips on opium. Hannah’s parents are AWFUL so we can see where she got it from.

Best Lines:
“But I have no job.”

“Four person party.”
“It’s called dinner.”

“I’m just not really into eating this week.”

Vagina Panic
Adam and Hannah have more gross sex. I detest Jessa. She’s remorselessly unappealing. Adam is not nice but has intense eyes. This was not good.

Best Line:
“Feed you abusive rhetoric.”

All Adventurous Women Do
Marnie really annoys. Adam works out shirtless and has a flip phone. Jessa wears a see-through dress to her babysitting job. Adam flexes in his underwear. Hannah has HPV. This is a far grimmer alternative to ‘Sex and the City’. Hannah’s tights change colour. Hannah is surly about the HPV and an ex’s declaration about her dad. I’ve scant interest.

Best Lines:
“You look like you’re going to put a hex on some popular girls.”
“Uh oh, okay, American History X.”
“Oh yeah. Have fun. Go tweet that.”

“Insidey things.”

“Dick doctor.”

“Much less bad.”

“You didn’t just.”

A Bride. A Box. A Body
Mary rants about being the only true and legitimate ruler. Has she ever mentioned her 2 older brothers who died young? She is perturbed. The budget is obviously very low. Months pass. Narcisse shows up for REVENGE. He gives Mary 2 things of of Knox’s. Elizabeth says she would give up England for her man-candy Gideon. Knox had stirred the pot but he was right about Mary being selfish and misguided. Henri is a cross-dresser. Charles says he will marry Nicole.

It’s easy to see why anybody would believe any ill-thing that could be reported of Mary. She’s not very queenly. Narcisse and his REVENGE annoys. I wish Henri and he would die. Bothwell lurks; the price he will pay for loving Mary is a great one. Elizabeth does not act like a queen, a Tudor or a 16th century royal. Elizabeth and Gideon hang out in a church that’s very ornate for protestant England.

What is all the talk of engagement? What about precontracts? There was no Gideon! Where are Darnley and Cecil? The acting is bad. Spain is snooty. Charles doesn’t want a marginally acceptable Spanish bride. Mary hasn’t disavowed all affection for Darnley yet. Gideon whines and is poisoned by Narcisse and his REVENGE. Thank the lord that bad actor and useless character is gone. Luc lurks. Claude bores.

Best Lines:
“Must I point out the obvious?!

“A world determined to tell me who to be.”

“I don’t care.”
“I do.”

“Finest bridal candidates.”

“King Felipe in a wig.”

“The inevitable war of 2 Queens.”

“The Queen is here, to see you fall."

“False queen."

“Whose own husband moved to topple your rule. Whose privy council despised you enough to assist him in his treachery.”

“Free of this marriage.”

“Wise counsel is protection.”

“Your hopeless brood.”
Tags: colony, reign, review, roanoke

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