epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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iZombie 2x15 + The Magicians 2x09-2x13 + American Horror Story: Roanoke part 1 Reviewed

He Blinded Me...With Science
Blaine is a zombie again and is as vile as ever. Liv annoys. The Max Rager jerk abandons his daughter to a zombie attack and she turns into one. Major kidnaps Liv’s boytoy. This was mmmm.

Best Lines:
“Before things got weird.”

“Wished horrible death on everyone involved.”

“Not at all suspicious.”

“Home alone. Weeping.”

Lesser Evils
Do TPTB want us to pity Julia? Quentin is shirtless, chained and in a cage. Quentin is in persistent denial. Penny is a jerk. Margo treats Fillory like a LARP. Fillory is in trouble. There is moral ambiguity. Leonard Roberts and Christopher Gorham guest star. Kady mumbles. Eliot has to fight a duel. Senator Gaines (Gorham) is Reynard’s son and is a nice, heroic politician. Julia sneers. Gaines learns about magic. Julia needs to die. Margo consults the sloth. Kady is thick. There is no coherence or quality.

There is bad singing. This was hokey, obvious and incompetent. Will the actors stop mumbling? This lot are stupid. Reynard is inscrutably vague, Gaines isn’t resentful, Julia is an unreasonable burden, Margo deals with fairies and sells Eliot’s unborn baby. Julia nearly gets Quentin killed by Reynard. Gaines vanishes with his dad. Julia is entirely uncontrite. This was not thick with menace or real intensity. This was no inciting and Eliot marries again. This was not intensely watchable. Quentin is damaged and overwrought. Julia is repugnant. Quentin frees Alice.

Best Lines:
“Committing tree genocide.”

“Slightly less incendiary term.”

“Less words.”

“They have talking trees here?”
“Not anymore.”

“I refuse to be shamed.”

“It’s a giant butter knife.”

“Your dick no worky.”

“If someone had told me a year ago that I’d be venting to my wife while preparing to do battle on behalf of my mythical kingdom. I’d have done a lot more drugs.”

The Girl Who Told Time
This was not wonderfully vapid or incredibly tense. The Dean recalls Julia from Jane’s time rewinds. Marlee Matlin shows up as a magician. Quentin gets high. There is no depth to people’s reasoning. There is no meaning or purpose. Quentin sees Julia’s lost soul. Quentin finds things increasingly hellish. Julia is spitefully intrusive. This was not grimy.

There is no authentic camaraderie. There is no deep discomfort or quiet unsettling feeling. Why hasn’t Julia been arrested for kidnapping Gaines? Why does Julia keep getting away with her crap? There is no forward momentum. Season 2 is arduous. Julia is nefarious. There is no desperation or determination. Kady is a charisma vacuum. There is a lack of dramatic tension and I feel a sense of acrimony towards these people.

This was ugh with unscary fairies. Nobody wonders where Gaines is. People have the personalities of wet mops. There are dangerous books and Quentin meets an Alice from another reality. Other Alice is damaged. I HATE Kady. Eliot’s wife is ignored and ill-used.

Best Line:
“A god murder spell.”

The Rattening
Julia is errant. A favour is asked of a dragon. Quentin is kinda stupid. He and Julia visit the underworld. Who cares about Reynard and his unspeakable villainies? Leonard Roberts and Christopher Gorham guest star. This was twaddle. Eliot treats his wife appallingly. Things are awry in Fillory. It’s a precarious time in Fillory. Gaines looks boney and old. He learns about his magic which he has been using unknowingly. This was abysmally bad.

Julia looks up her dead old circle and Richard is there. Margo worries about Fen. A dude from ‘Salem’ shows up as a fairy. Penny bores. Gaines realises the truth about his unfeeling father and ill-used wife.

Reynard’s intrusion in their lives is damaging. There is ass pull plotting. Our Lady Underground is real and is Persephone. Julia makes it all about her. Why don’t we see the talking animals in Fillory? Eliot and Margo should be universally condemned for being crap rulers. Margo wears black lipstick and Eliot finds out what she did. So Eliot has her and her open defiance tossed into the dungeon. Then Eliot is tossed out of Fillory.

Best Lines:
“The first door remains open little mammal.”

“Personal expectations.”

“There’s another power which you’ve made the mistake of overlooking.”

“She’s a person.”
“Yes. And you’re not.”

Gaines makes an unnecessary sacrifice. The idiots have collective responsibility for trouble. This was sheer stupidity. Nobody has a moral or ethical duty. Quentin makes niffin Alice a human again. Alice has a chorus of derision for Quentin. Eliot and Quentin look up the clock from 1x01. Reynard is the son of Hades and Persephone.

Christopher Gorham and Brian F. O’Byrne guest star. This was okay. Reynard alienates Gaines. There is a mention of a failed Fillory movie. Julia’s cured of being soulless. Umber turns out not to be dead. No-one seems to notice or care that Gaines is dead. There is an obvious atrocious monster. Reynard is dealt with.

Best Lines:
“Magical dismemberment door.”

“You could say please.”
“No, I literally could not.”

“Cataclysmic badness.”

“The studio wouldn’t pay for the talking bears.”

“Makes you write like Tolstoy.”

We Have Brought You Little Cakes
Ember revels in his crapulence. Ember and Umber weren’t awful men-sheep in the books. There is emotional drama and more insane terrible crap happens. Margo lost an eye. Things fall apart. Ember prances. Quentin gets attacked by yet another god. Quentin becomes a god-killer. This had some good bits and some ineptitude. There are consequences. Penny is unwise and magic goes away. How did Alice and Quentin get back to Brakebills? Fairies attack and this had no creepy fascination.

Best Lines:
“The addict, the victim, the bitch, the scowl and the martyr.”

“Good and angry.”

“You get to be done.”

“It’s not really a trait that’s helped me much.”

“Genocidally insane.”

Chapter 1
The 6th season of this show is okay, then again I only previously watched ‘Coven’. Matt and Shelby relocate to a secluded old house in rural North Carolina. The remote farmhouse is from 1792. The ruinous consequences of their move becomes a reality show. Local creepy hillbillies (who include Chaz Bono) menace them. Their self-isolation leads to dark dread. It rains teeth and there is a hot tub jump scare and weirdness. Shelby’s sister in law Lee smart mouths.

Best Lines:
“Those ZZ Top wannabes.”

“I’m done with this.”

Chapter 2
Lee brings her daughter Flora to the crazy haunted house. Why? And why do they stay? Why are the local cops such cretinous bores? Lee has smug ridicule for Shelby. They find a cellar and tapes that reveal the ominous history of the house. Killer nurses once lived in the house. A snotty banker sneers. Things get worse and this was mmm.

Chapter 3
There is no rich intensity. The adverse effects of living in the house go on. Things are resolutely unresolved. The characters are fairly easy to despise as they are devoid of self-insight. Feral Polk children are found. Lee’s ex husband is murdered. The events in the dramatic re-enactment took place in 2014. A medium shows up wanting money. There is a séance and Lee has secrets. There is a connection to the lost colony. Matt boffs a ghost witch (Lady Gaga) or something. Shelby annoys. This was okay.
Tags: izombie, roanoke, the magicians

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