epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: The Vault + Get On Up

The Vault (2017)
James Franco stars in this bank heist film. This has nice opening credits and actors mumble and the characters are unpleasant. Inept bank robbers are incandescent with rage. They’re also stupid and show their faces. The creep infested bank is populated by morons. I thought banks had constant readiness for thieves? There is no real or implied menace. None of this makes any sense. This was not performative.

Franco has a porn-tache. They walk among us; it takes the bank robbers ages to figure that out. WTF is going on? What is with the cops? The bank robbers open an antiquated vault. Someone wears a bad and obvious wig. Nobody notices the bank robbery. 3 of the robbers are a family who owe money. This film isn’t about anything. It is underpowered and full of actors who fail to convince. Events do not spiral out of control with terrifying speed. There is no chaos.

Weird stuff happens. James Franco does a lot of staring. Bad guys yell and die. Cops finally show up. The trailer gave too much away. Events are tied to a 1982 bank robbery. I don’t care about this or the robbers’ sibling issues. James Franco stirs the pot. A security guard has no dignity and there is swearing. Why don’t the cops shoot one of the bank robbers when they have the chance? Why do the robbers think they can kill ghosts? How did one sister escape the bank? Why set fires? WTF is the ending? This tale of a murderous misuse of a bank makes no sense and is utterly devoid of logic.

Best Lines:
“In the old vault.”

“Don’t want to piss off the wrong people.”

“What is he looking at? Is he looking at the hall?”

“There’s something down there in the basement.”

“We’re not alone.”

“No-one goes down there.”

“Why’s she on the floor?”

~
Get On Up (2014)
This is a not very good bio-pic of James Brown, but the lead actor has intensity and commitment. There is a cameo by the young Rolling Stones and Chadwick Boseman, Dan Aykroyd, Viola Davis and Lennie James star.
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