epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: There's Something Wrong With Aunt Diane + Southbound + Spider Baby

There’s Something Wrong With Aunt Diane (2011)
A HBO documentary about a 2009 crash. This tells the story of the minivan driver who killed 8 people (herself included). Only 1 person survived, the driver’s son. Why did Diane Schuler do what she did? Was she drunk? Yes. This is a tale of alcoholism and her family’s utter denial of that fact. They insist she had a medical event.

Diane Schuler killed herself, her daughter, her 3 nieces and 3 men in an SUV she hit head on. This is ostensibly an objective inquiry but it gives far far too much time to her unsatisfied family and barely any time to the dead. The surviving child is apparently not getting any counselling. There was a Vodka bottle in the car and there is simpering by Long Island types who talk about how Diane was a supermom who never asked for help. Well, that was the problem wasn’t it? This was unnecessary.

Best Lines:
“A correct autopsy done.”

“What they’re saying is not true.”

“Some sort of nut.”

“She was a drinker.”

Southbound (2015)
This transcendentally wretched film is wilfully drab. Synth music plays and there is desert desolation and no wry melancholy. There is mumbling by untalented actors and no dramatic authenticity or melancholy rumination. Nobody is shielded from adversity in this horror anthology. It is all lost potential as characters are condescending, disrespectful and dismissive. There is no emotional cost as they taunt, provoke and antagonise.

There is bad acting, bad VFX monsters and nothing is even potentially sinister. There is no moral or narrative certainty. The scenery is the least awful character. Various characters commit deeds against life. ‘Dead End’ and ‘Highway To Hell’ were better than this. This film about various people trapped in purgatory or something is not sufficiently disturbing.

Quality is unachievable. I haven’t seen any of the ‘V/H/S’ films by the same people and choose not to. This was all unfulfilled ambition. The genuinely desperate are without options. The plot is impenetrable. Is this hell or what? None of this film makes any sense. There is hospital horror, a band in peril, a failed sister rescue, a moron family and dude-bros. There is no demon logic just visual desolation as the morally errant are emotionally deadened.

Best Line:
“The nastiest sex.”

Spider Baby or The Maddest Story Ever Told (1968)
A tale of a family of psychopathic manchilden. This was just bizarre.
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