epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: The Belko Experiment + Fifty Shades Of Grey + Logan Lucky

The Belko Experiment (2017)
Tony Goldwyn, Michael Rooker, John C. McGinley, Abraham Benrubi and Gregg Henry star in this tale of a US company in Colombia. It is based in a remote heavily armed compound, nothing suspicious there nosireee. Someone is watching the Belko employees who have ‘trackers’ implanted in their heads.

A corn cob toy is waved. The trailer promised us gleeful lunacy and it is delivered in the soulless looking office populated by people who engage in obstructive and unreasonable behaviour. An ant farm is unsubtly shown. A guy talks about stroking bats. Evan the security guard is there. Nobody ever wondered about the old hanger next to the Belko building. There is suspicious behaviour that no-one notices.

Then the PA announces that the 80 people inside the building have to kill each other. There are bad wigs, a door and window barricade, the COO Barry (Goldwyn) makes a speech and there will be no legal consequences to any of this. Mike the rat looking dude lurks. People try to attract help from the roof. There is death, panic, people done fall down and a fat woman named Peggy panics. This was not nuanced. How is there air in the building?

Leandra is bothered by the company creep (McGinely). Nobody ponders the moral implications. Bud (Rooker) is the janitor and Lonny is his idiot sidekick. People arm themselves, cue a precipitous decline in co-worker relations and an unexpected person gets the dead star walking slot.

Why are there killer spokes sticking out of the wall in the basement? Terry (Owain Yeoman of ‘Kitchen Confidential’ and ‘The Sarah Connor Chronicles’) unravels, the PA voice (Henry) yaps on and Chet (Benrubi) doesn’t do much. Don’t they need food or water? Why is there a weapons locker in an office building? There is swearing and stupid bickering. A guy in a cardigan named Keith (Josh Brener) worries.

Various people die messily. Mike says the Belko building seems to have been designed for the very purpose of the experiment. Nobody listens. Barry goes scrunch face crazy. Marty (Sean Gunn of ‘Gilmore Girls’ who looks like a poor man’s Tom Felton) wails. A Dakota Johnson lookalike is shot in the head. There is puking and some dead people seem to move.

The power goes off, Dany wants to live, a blue suit wearing guy named Roberto bumbles, there is bad acting, yelling and one character seems to die twice. A dog outside urinates in disinterest. A guy hides in a fridge. There is unhilarious graffiti and it is winner take all or something. A woman pops up out of nowhere. There is unsubtle humour.

Paranoid Marty rambles. There is blood, death, an axe and why isn’t the air running out? There are unexpected deaths and death via tape dispenser. The Voice shows up in person and is all scarred. Why did all this happen? What does the ending imply? This was good.

Best Lines:
“Made myself.”

“Got married too stupid.”

“Normal people do not work at Belko.”

“They ain’t friendly though. They got some big ass dogs.”

“We just had our lives threatened.”

“That never made any sense.”

“Our new god.”

“I forgive you, okay.”

Fifty Shades Of Grey (2015)
The bizarrely accented and de-charmed Christian has an abusive relationship with his victim who he psychologically dominates. She’s unconfident. I preferred the reality show ‘Tanked’ to this. Ana finally reaches a point where she doesn’t want to be involved in what’s coming next. Christian is an idiot who stalks and abuses her. This was a crap-fest. Christian reeks of neediness and has a not-problem and can’t be non-aggressive. This was a non-insightful tale of flip phones and abuse. It was not dark, sombre or chilling.

Logan Lucky (2017)
This follows no societal rules; it just features amusing interaction by attendant idiots. This boondocks heist film sees various backwoods white trash types (Channing Tatum, Adam Driver and Daniel Craig) plot to rob a racetrack to escape their poke holes. They exhibit no other manner of behaviour than dumb. There is bizarre fashion, a child beauty pageant, Katie Holmes being shrill, Hilary Swank making a cameo, various eccentrics, toilet seat tossing, Driver committing various felonies, a digression on the true meaning of Rihanna’s Umbrella song and a fake prison riot devolving into rants about the late arrival of the ‘Game Of Thrones’ novels. America grates again with pretend amoral types in this fun film in which nobody has social intelligence.

Best Lines:
“On the Google.”

“Napkin demands.”

“Hot chick with the dragons.”
Tags: game of thrones, movie review, sarah connor chronicles

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