epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: The Barn + Re-Animator + 5 others

The Barn (2016)
This much hyped 80s style indie movie was a big fat letdown. This film has DVD art that makes it look like an ex-rental VHS. Linnea Quigley of ‘Night Of The Demons’ features and she has aged badly and cannot act. This opens with a prologue in 1959 and the Boogeyman, Hallowed Jack and The Candycorn Scarecrow show up and then go away again.

Then it is 1989 and the expectations raised for this film are not met. Why are there 3 demons in a barn? They unleash brief theatrical violence and ferocity every so often. The ‘actors’ in this film have odd intonation and mumble. This was undemanding. Linnea’s character has open distain for the ‘hero’ and she’s right. The ‘hero’ and his BFF are dedicated to the macho aspects of male identity and are chasing failure.

Linnea has no moral authority and they reflect distain. A white rotary phone is seen. There is rotten acting. Where did TPTB find these ‘actors’? Under a bridge? The ‘hero’ and his ‘friends’ make imbecilic decisions. Meanwhile Dr Rock is a TV host who yells. This was no symbolically resonant. Our ‘hero’ has a deranged sense of self importance and criminal culpability and he isn’t even pitiable. Girls are pleasers and have no agency.

The ‘hero’ looks like a poor man’s Adam Driver. He and idiot friends stumble across the demon infested barn. These 6 idiots with no concept of private property or sense of purpose deserve all they get. The ‘hero’ is attention loving and has unrealistic notions and has rules he lives by. The lip sync seems off. Is it bad ADR?

Too much time is allocated to these tools. Where is the bright light coming from at night? There is death and a hayseed band. There is exposition and bad VFX and gratuitous nudity. There is swearing and I have no idea what is going on or why. There is a ‘twist’ and this was an epically abominable waste of space.

Best Lines:
“Get back in your barrel.”

“Your legacy in this town.”

“How is welcoming evil to my door a form of protection?”

“Does that sign say Deathville?”

“Why would Chris be running down the street?”

“Digging holes and stuff.”

~
Re-Animator (1985)
This Lovecraft inspired film stars Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton. The rank looking Dr Herbert West (Combs) exists just to irritate those around him. Combs has total commitment to the magnificently relentless stupidity and madness of this film. West goes to work at Miskantonic medical school in Arkham. This okay madness has 2 sequels.

There is bad acting (especially by Crampton) and animal abuse. Why is West let stay in the couple’s house? Combs plays a camp slimy crazy mental bastard with utter conviction. West can raise the dead and has a distinctively crazy voice. This was intentionally creepy and injects new life into body parts other films cannot reach.

Dan the ‘hero’ is an idiot. He is played by Bruce Abbott who was in the 1992-1993 TV show ‘Dark Justice’. Diabolical things happen in amusingly vicious ways. Only Combs can act and one can see why this film type-cast him for life. Still for all its flaws (animal abuse and bad acting) this is WAY better than 'The Barn'.

Best Lines:
“What were you researching?”
“Death.”

“Does this building have a basement?”

“How can you teach such drivel?”

“Do you agree that he’s dead now?”

“A written apology for this entire affair.”

“He failed! Not I!”

“Wasn’t fresh enough.”

“Rather irrationally.”

“Quite dead.”

~
Necronmicon (1993)
This Lovecraft inspired film is dire.

The Puppet Masters (1994)
Terrible.

House (1986)
Poo.

The Frighteners (1996)
OTT

Maniac Cop (1987)
No.
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