epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

  • Music:

Into The Badlands 2x01&2x02 + Riverdale (2017-?) 1x01 Reviewed

Tiger Pushes Mountain
6 months after the end of season 1 Sunny works as slave labour while the song Human plays. There is no civility and this show is bafflingly obtuse. Sunny is entirely unhelpful to himself. Nick Frost has joined the cast, groan. He plays a loud fat idiot, no change there. MK isn’t purposeful. People make vague utterances meant to pique our interest. There are no interesting characters or coherent plot.

There is social denigration, this is the way things have always been and always will be. Why is an enslaved Nick Frost fat? Ryder the poor man’s James Franco rants. There are cars but no road upkeep. There is evil eye make-up and fighting. Jade is Ryder’s Baroness. The Widow lurks and has unquenchable hate. Jade runs from the Widow in blue glitter heels - who made them? Blood flies.

Low women brawl. WTF is the ring Nick Frost found? The Widow has the taint of strumpet about her. How does she have a glasshouse and a photo? Quinn lives, but that is obvious as his name is in the opening credits. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“This one’s defective.”

“Pissing in undesignated areas.”

“The storm that is coming.”

Force Of Eagle’s Claws
Is Sunny on a redemption arc? I wasn’t interested in this ep as nothing is handled terribly well. Stephen Lang and Lance Henriksen guest star. Sunny is irate and has enmity. It’s amazing how much post-apoc America looks like rural Ireland. A poor dove is waved around by Lang.

Who maintains the razor cut hairstyle of the Widow’s chief clipper? Lang is very tanned. The former Baroness lives in her dad’s hippie cult. There are geese and the cult is attacked. She defends them and the cult is thankless. MK rants. One is weary of this. Quinn rants. The ex-Baroness goes to Ryder who tantrums. Wasn’t Quinn dying? Did he walk it off?

Quinn appears to wear a bathmat in one scene. WTF is the Foundation Treaty? Where do they get make up, glass decanters and alcohol? Who built the enormous wall and why?

Best Lines:
“Nice try Tinkerbell.”

“Winks lickers.”

“Stick to punching people.”

~
The River’s Edge
This was based on the ‘Archie’ comics where the 50s never seemed to have ended. The annoying boring emo Jughead narrates. Twins Jason and Cheryl Blossom went for an incest themed boat ride and now he is missing believed dead. This was beautifully shot. Cheryl gets more repulsive with every scene. Who is Jughead narrating to?

Veronica Lodge and her pearls comes to town. Jughead is all frustration and anger. This was wonderfully weird. Betty’s mom (Madchen Amick of ‘Twin Peaks’) is inarguably awful and emotionally abusive. Moose lurks. Nobody seems to have curtains. Betty likes the bland Archie but he doesn’t love her. What was the Blossom twins’ sinister experience in the woods?

Archie wants to be a musician. His dad is played by Luke Perry. Archie’s dad is more interesting than his bland whiner son. TPTB overvalue Archie. Veronica kinda sorta steals Archie from Betty. This was properly disturbing. Betty is on pills and her mom is the worst. Jughead broods. Jason’s rotting corpse interrupts Kevin’s hook-up with Moose in the woods.

Veronica’s mom (Marisol Nichols) needs a job. Josie and the Pussycats sing. Cheryl is an annoying bully. Archie is doing a teacher. The title card is nice. Lochlyn Monro is in this somewhere. Veronica and Betty join Cheryl’s cheerleading squad. Oddly Cheryl doesn’t seem overly distraught about Jason. There are secrets and lies. Cheryl should be the most despised person in the school but she isn’t. This is okay propulsive narration but the dialogue is clunky.

Best Lines:
“Teen Outlander.”

“Ho zone.”

“That we did.”

“Read my glossed lips.”

“Hipster Prince Harry.”

“Safe, decent, innocent.”

“I hope in those last moments, he suffered.”

“Archie got abs.”

“Tap some cougar ass.”
Tags: review, riverdale, twin peaks
Subscribe

Comments for this post were disabled by the author