epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
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Movie Reviews: Godzilla + Spiderman: Homecoming

Godzilla (2014)
Various name actors star in this reboot. Monarch is a secret society so secret it has a name. If this takes place after ‘Kong: Skull Island’ - why is a giant lizard such a surprise? The 1998 film sucked balls. Godzilla was born out of cultural anxieties and this reboot was not emotionally affecting.

People bypass wonder, shock, terror and awe and are just blank. This was from the director of ‘Monsters’. Bad wigs are worn. The nonsensical is given a grounding. It gives you the realism and nightmare chill of a physical god unleashing mayhem. This was meditative. Naturally all this is then chucked aside for CGI mayhem. Joe’s wife dies horribly and 15 years later their son Ford grows up to be boring and have a bland wife and kids.

In one hilarious moment subtitles read: chastising exchange in Japanese. Joe becomes a conspiracy nut with walls of crazy. Ford thinks Joe is a silly idiot. This was better than ‘Into The Blue‘. Joe has blind rage and manic energy and spews unsupportable contentions. Ford has a lack of interest or motivation. MUTOS pop up. There is a dead star walking and the bloke from ‘Alphas’ doesn’t really do much.

Nuclear bomb tests were trying to kill the ancient alpha predator Godzilla. He is from a time when the earth was 10 times more radioactive. The MUTOS caused the 1999 meltdown and they lived underground absorbing radiation from the earth’s core but are now wandering the earth. Somehow they ignore all nuclear cores on the American aircraft carriers.

A Russian sub ends up in a jungle being eaten by MUTOS. This makes the inherently daft probable, at first. A dog is in peril and the USA saves the day. Then fat Godzilla saves the day. Ford’s wife is a stupid oblivious whiny bitchy dumb woman. The moral implications of things are discussed, the tone and pace convey the majestic sense of power of Godzilla.

Then CGI things fight and the screen gets dark and you have no idea what the holy hell is going on. This was full of sap and kids are so damn stupid. Godzilla shows off his atomic breath. This was okish but also incoherent at the end. Godzilla saves them and is cheered as he lumbers out to sea. Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Juliette Binoche, Bryan Cranston and David Strathairn are in this.

Best Lines:
“This is much older.”

“Respect and honour.”

“Something responded.”

“It was dormant.”
“Maybe not anymore.”

“Is my jaw supposed to drop?”

“Current sphere of influence.”

“Your husband has needs.”

“Trespassing in the Quarantine Zone.”

“Studying bio-acoustics.”

“Horrible design flaw.”

“This place is a death zone.”

“You have no idea what’s coming.”

“Wildfire protocols.”

“It is no longer terrestrial, it is airborne.”

“The lower depths.”

“Primordial ecosystem.”

“Unknowingly drilled into its tomb.”

“A response call.”

~
Spiderman: Homecoming (2017)
This 6th film sees another reboot of the Spider-Man. The annoying teen Peter goes up against the Vulture (Michael Keaton) while facing the consequences of his increasingly ill-judged actions. This is doggedly serious with failed humour and insufficiently cognitive stimulation. Spiderman fights societal violence and Iron Man takes up screen time. Tyne Daly pops up and Tony Stark is responsible for much crap.
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